Page 27 of Head Over Skis

‘Fuck, Lotts. Wait a second!’

I should keep going, but I turn anyway and make no attempt to hide the hurt from my face. He abandons the bar and strides over to me, hands hanging awkwardly between us like he wants to touch me but doesn’t know if he can. I take another step backwards to settle that debate and his face falls.

‘I’m so sorry, that was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.’

‘I do,’ I say, because it’s true.

This isn’t the first time he’s acted out of jealousy. He would think the same thing anytime I mentioned another guy’s name early on in our relationship, or I came home later than expected even though I told him I was only out with the girls.

I thought he’d learnt to trust me, that our relationship wasn’t the same as his parents’. I guess I was wrong.

‘Do you even want to get back together? Or is that all an act?’

He recoils like I’ve punched him in the stomach, but if he doesn’t trust me, he can’t be offended when I don’t trust him either.

‘Of course I want you back.’

He says it like it’s obvious, but the last five minutes have shown me a side to him I try to forget. I wasn’t lying when I said nothing was happening with Rory. A few jokes and unfortunate collisions from this morning aside, I don’t have any reason to assume his act of buying me a drink was anything more than a friendly gesture.

Whatever it was, it doesn’t excuse Adam from chatting up another woman less than ten metres away from me. I start to feel sick again as I think about it and all I want is to feel some cold air on my face.

‘I’m going outside. Alone.’

I don’t wait to see if he follows as I head to the door for real this time. I’m hit with an icy rush as soon as I step outside, but the relief I was hoping for doesn’t come as I pace across the pavement. This whole situation is bullshit, and I hate that after everything, I still care enough about Adam to have this sort of reaction. To run out here instead of being able to stay at the table with my friends and ignore it.

Typical Adam. Immature Adam. Adam fucking with my heart even now that we’re over.

I’m outside and I don’t know where I am or where I’m going as I scan the icy street through a haze of stubborn tears that won’t fall and maybe I really am going to throw up and—

‘Hey, are you okay?’

My thoughts stop as soon as I hear his voice.

I realise I’ve walked halfway down the street, and when I turn, Rory’s right there, leaning against a post a few metres away from me. I stop, arms wrapped around my stomach as I try to hold myself together.

‘Totally, just enjoying the weather,’ I say, lifting one hand to the sky, and it’s only then that I realise it’s snowing again.

I stare at the flecks of white that disappear as soon as they touch my skin, and the sight makes everything worse. Like there are beautiful things here, but whenever I try to reach for them, they disappear. I wrap both my hands tighter around myself as I come more to my senses and realise the snow has soaked through the thin fabric of my jumper.

‘Maybe you’d enjoy it more with a jacket. Here, take mine,’ he says, continuing towards me as he pulls off the Topaz ski staff jacket he’s wearing.

‘No, no, it’s fine, I’m fine.’

I shake my head and protest because I literally have a jacket inside, but I realise it’s useless when he reaches behind me, balancing the unzipped jacket on my shoulders before pulling the two sides together at the front so they surround me.

The sleeves hang over my arms and I’m drowning slightly in the fabric, which is unsurprising given he’s about a foot taller than me, and I get a flashback to how I looked in his bathroom mirror the first time I tried on a piece of his clothing.

‘You really didn’t need to do that. Especially since we both know I have a bad track record with returning your clothes.’

I picture that black T-shirt, which is currently sitting in a drawer in mine and Tilly’s room at the chalet. I mindlessly threw the shirt into my suitcase with no clue its owner would be on the same mountain as me. Or maybe not so mindlessly. It is comfy. And it smells nice.

‘I’d say you can have the jacket, it can keep my T-shirt company, but unfortunately, I will need this one back for events later in the week. But keep it for tonight. Wouldn’t want you catching a chill and missing class tomorrow. You can give it back to me then.’

His tone goes up at the end, almost like it’s a question.

‘That is, if you’re still comfortable with the class situation. I know you said you were, but if you change your mind, I understand.’

‘I won’t change my mind,’ I say, shifting my shoulders and liking the way his jacket drapes further over me.