Page 40 of Royal Desire

Just to show him, I add him to my contacts with his own nickname, not that he’ll ever know.

Payne In My Ass – Super-duper, right? Here’s the first one: Since U Been Gone. Always a crowd pleaser.

Oh, no he didn’t.

But I refuse to engage.

Me – I’ll add it to the list.

Payne In My Ass – Thought of another one ... Someone You Loved by that Lewis guy. I can’t remember his name, but that’s your lane.

Well, well, well. Hello, Mr. Passive Aggressive.

How about that? I’m better at nicknames than I thought.

Me – Capaldi. I’ve been thinking about the playlist as well. I have some ideas.

Payne In My Ass – I reserve the right to approve them. It is my private show.

Me – Of course. I think following up Someone You Loved with Mr. Brightside would be a real banger.

Lots of bubbles.

Payne In My Ass – That’s not the vibe I’m going for. If you need a banger, I’d rather hear You Oughta Know. Alanis is the shit.

Me – How very angry nineties girl of you. How about You’re So Vain?

Payne In My Ass – No.

Me – Are you sure? It’s a real crowd-pleaser. You should hear them sing along.

Payne In My Ass – Absolutely not. I want Take A Bow by Rihanna.

Me – Maybe you’re looking for something more like I Will Survive?

Payne In My Ass – Hardly. I want Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac. Iconic.

Me – Blake doesn’t know that song.

Payne In My Ass – Oh, one more. Oops!...I Did It Again. I’d really love to hear you sing that one.

Me – That one does not surprise me. You always were a closet Britney fan. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re a Swiftie too. Maybe you’d like I Knew You Were Trouble?

Payne In My Ass – I’m no Swiftie, even though I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit I probably know the words to most of her songs. But who doesn’t?

Me – I’m cutting you off, Deacon. I can’t sing for six hours straight.

Payne In My Ass – Cutting people off ... I won’t comment on that since I’m not an asshole.

Me – I have tables to serve and a grandmother to keep alive. Don’t make me block you.

Payne In My Ass – Block me ... why does that sound familiar?

Payne In My Ass – Not that I’m going there. Again, not an asshole.

Me – Good to know. How about I surprise you with a new and improved set list?

Payne In My Ass – Don’t even think about it. I’m bankrolling this shindig.