Page 50 of Breakaway

“Hey, Andi.” His broken smile just about kills me. “If you’re watching this, that means I’m gone. I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t be stronger, but I knew after losing LeAnna I wasn’t long for this world. I have no grand plan, but I promise you I’m fighting like hell to stay, though something tells me I’m just prolonging the inevitable. You might think this is the coward’s way out, and maybe it is, but I was never cut out to be a parent the way my wife was. She was born to be a mother, and I was too involved with the Army to give fatherhood the attention it deserved. LeAnna compensated for my slack so seamlessly, and once she was gone, it became increasingly clear how shitty a job I’d done.

“My boy deserves so much better than me. I’d give anything to be what he needs, but LeAnna took a piece of me with her. A vital, integral piece of my being, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without it. Without her. Please don’t hate me. You’ve proven how much you love my son, which is why you’re the only person I trust to take the reins. He has a chance to heal and move forward, neither of which I have the luxury of experiencing. Don’t let my death tarnish his memories. Make new ones. Love him enough for both of us.” I take the Kleenex Colsen offers me, my cheeks streaked with tears.

“For those reasons, and many more, I’ve named you Hudson’s legal guardian.” My hand flies to my mouth, shock holding me hostage as I’m slammed with a hundred different emotions. “I know it won’t be easy, and it’s a dick move for me to make this decision without having run it by you first, but broaching the topic would’ve only invited questions and concern, and I can promise you, this was never a cry for help. I’ve been steadfast in my decision for a while now, and nothing you could’ve said or done would’ve changed my mind, so please don’t entertain the possibility. I’m past the point of saving.

“I put the house up for sale last month. Grief lives there now, and it’s the last place I’d want Hudson growing up. It’s currently under contract and should turn a decent profit. That, as well as the remainder of my savings and checking account, is rightfully yours. Leery has all the paperwork you need to sign to get the ball rolling to relinquish the funds. My only request is that my funeral service be private. I don’t want military recognition, just bury me beside my wife and let me go. I’d prefer there be no one in attendance, aside from you and the guys. And because I know you four are listening…” Seth pauses, a faint smile stretching across his face.

“Do right by Andi, and stop bickering about shit that doesn’t matter. She’ll deny it, but she’s going to need all the help she can get. Step up or walk away before the going gets tough, because I’m not above haunting your asses if you hurt her.” Briggs snorts, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Lastly, and this is a big ask, Andi, but I need you to embrace being Hudson’s mom. He’s young enough to forget me, so please let him, at least for a while. LeAnna wouldn’t want to hinder Hudson’s chance of having a normal life for the sake of a title. She’d want you to love our boy like he’s your own. And one day, when he’s old enough to understand, maybe he’ll find it in his heart to forgive me. Maybe he’ll know what it’s like to love someone so profoundly that you can’t bear to walk the earth without them. Until then, give him everything I can’t.”

The feed goes dark, the abrupt ending blanketing us in silence. A sob works its way up my throat, the pressure building behind my ribcage becoming unbearable. It feels like I’m being pried apart from the inside. Col tucks me against him as my cries fill the quiet, his soft reassurances falling on deaf ears. I have no idea how long it takes me to compose myself, but the guys never leave my side. With puffy eyes and a battered heart, I gesture for Raiden to find the attorney. I can’t stomach being here much longer. Mr. Leery takes one look at me before averting his gaze, his lips pressed in a grim line at the sight of my tears.

“My sincerest condolences for your loss, Miss Adams,” he remarks somberly, clearing his throat before proceeding. “Mr. Taylor’s will is simple and to the point; I just need a couple of signatures to get things moving. The house on Elderberry Lane is set to close November 25th. You’ll need to be present for that, so please mark your calendar. All personal belongings will need to be removed from the home at least twenty-four hours prior to closing. Between all of Mr. Taylor’s accounts, a total of seventeen thousand, two hundred forty-two dollars and twenty cents will be transferred to Andilyn Adams.

“Hudson Taylor is the sole beneficiary of his father’s life insurance policy through the military, which will be put into a trust until the child reaches the age of eighteen. The cost of Mr. Taylor’s preferred funeral arrangement has already been deducted from his personal funds, so no further expenses should be incurred. Lord and Schaeffer was Mr. Taylor’s choice of mortuary. Here’s their contact information so you can reach out to the funeral director for further guidance.” Mr. Leery passes me the embossed business card, my fingers gripping it robotically, as if I’m on autopilot.

“In regard to Hudson Taylor, a social worker will be stopping by Monday morning to ensure your home is up to standard and you have the basic necessities required for a child his age. I feel it’s imperative to remind you that just because you’ve been named his legal guardian, that doesn’t mean the state will approve the placement. Here’s a brief list of what you’re expected to provide, but it helps to have more than the bare minimum.” He slides another piece of paper across the table, my gaze scanning the lengthy list with a heavy sense of dread. I have none of these things, and no way to get them.

“I’ll be in touch once I’ve procured the death certificate so we can begin the process of transferring Mr. Taylor’s assets. In the meantime, here’s a copy of the house key so you can begin packing. Do you have any questions I’ve failed to answer, Miss Adams?” The attorney spares me a brief glance, quickly returning his focus to the documents spread out before him.

“No.” My choked whisper is barely audible.

“Very well.” Mr. Leery stands, effectively ending our meeting. “Feel free to contact me should any issues arise.” We shake hands, my limbs like jelly as I go through the motions expected of me. The entire time, my heart beats erratically, my skin growing tight from the panic overriding my ability to think sensibly. Time blurs as we make our way to the exit, the sunlight streaming through the glass door appearing tunneled from my waning vision. I drag in a deep breath of the fresh morning air, or at least attempt to, but my lungs refuse to expand.

“Andi,” Colsen calls out, his voice demanding my attention. “Look at me, sweet girl. Focus on the sound of me speaking, feel my hands on yours.” His fingers twine with mine, tightening to the point of pain. “That’s right. It’s just us. Breathe for me.” My shallow inhales start to even out, my eyes pinned to Colsen’s green ones as he talks me down from the dangerously sharp edge I have no desire to be teetering on. “Good girl. That’s it.” Sounds explode around me, the drone of traffic mixing with the guys muttering curses as they pace the blessedly empty parking lot.

“I might not hate Seth, but I’m so fucking mad at him I can’t see straight,” I sob, despair battering my resolve until I’m slumped against Colsen, his soft murmurings of support barely breaching the chaos taking place inside my head. “Why would he do this to me? To Hudson?! I’ve barely accepted the idea of being a mother. Is this where he went after disappearing the other day? To get his affairs in order? It feels like he’s thrown me out to sea without a liferaft.” My hysteria bubbles over, a fresh wave of panic taking root, erasing the work Colsen did to stave off the worst of it.

“Bullshit,” Dayton insists, his light blue eyes glinting with determination. “That’s what we are. When you’re tired and can’t stay afloat, you lean on us. We’re the safety net, Butterfly, but you have to trust us to keep your head above water.” I blink through the tears clouding my vision, a war ensuing between my head and heart as I struggle to comprehend why the four of them would want to saddle themselves with someone so irrevocably damaged. I’ve got more baggage than an airport’s lost and found, but their insistence has never wavered.

“I have no idea where to start,” I admit, defeat weighing heavy on my shoulders.

“First, we call in backup,” Colsen states, tapping out a text on his phone. “Royce and Rita are going to meet us at home. We’ll regroup, prioritize what needs to be done, and how to go about doing it. One thing at a time, Andi. I promise, it’s all going to work out exactly how it’s supposed to.” I wish I had his faith, but I’ve witnessed how savage the death of hope is. It destroys your ability to see the brighter side of things, casting you in a constant shadow of doubt. I take a fortifying breath, drawing on Colsen’s ever-present optimism.

Twenty minutes later, we make it back to the apartment, Royce and Rita joining us shortly after. Their arms are filled with bags of food, a spread of sandwiches from the nearby deli covering the counter. They each pull me in for a bone-crushing hug, their presence alone soothing the fear and uncertainty that has me in a stranglehold. Our lunch is spent in contemplative silence, but with every second that passes, my anxiety ratchets up another notch as my thoughts turn to the laundry list of shit I’m expected to accomplish in less than forty-eight hours.

“Okay,” Rita announces, brushing the crumbs from her hands as she stands. “Col gave us a quick rundown of how your meeting went this morning, so let’s start divvying out tasks and make the most of the time we have, which is roughly a day and a half. I’ve helped plenty of families during the reunification process, so this is somewhat familiar territory. First things first, Andi needs to prove she has adequate housing that’s in her name. Is that doable?” My gaze flits to Raiden, his guilt-ridden eyes finding mine across the room.

“About that…” he starts, palming the back of his neck nervously.

“If you’re about to confess that this is actually your apartment, don’t bother. I’ve known from day one,” I admit, flashing him a small smile that hopefully portrays my lack of anger. His mouth parts in shock before glancing at the guys in question, each of them giving him a subtle shake of their head. “No one told me anything, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was obvious. I’d spent enough time with you before moving in here to know your scent, and this place was covered in it.” Raiden sighs, like the truth finally being exposed has freed him from the crushing weight of his secrecy.

“Perfect!” Rita claps, her grin growing as a plan starts to come together in her mind. “Col, use your laptop to find a template for a basic rental agreement. Backdate the start of the lease to a month prior, and I’ll use my notary status to make the document official.” Colsen jumps right to it, happily doing what she’s asked of him as the rest of us wait for further instruction.

“Raiden can stay with us from now on, since the cat is out of the bag,” Dayton comments, his stony glare daring him to argue. “You can’t keep paying for shitty hotels. God knows you’ve probably spent a fortune by now.”

“What?!” I practically shriek, turning towards Raiden in hopes he’ll deny there’s any truth to the accusation, but all I find is resigned annoyance directed at Dayton for airing out his dirty laundry. “Please tell me that’s not true. I thought…” I trail off, closing my eyes to stave off the threat of guilty tears. “I don’t know what I thought. That you’d made other arrangements with friends or family, or were staying someplace the city actually funded. I can’t believe you’ve been living in a hotel. What the hell, Raiden?” My incredulous tone can’t be tempered, frustration mounting when I think back to all the times he’s shown up looking exhausted. All the nights he’s left here, only to return to a crappy hotel room he had to foot the bill for.

“I made the best choice available to me at the time,” Raiden insists, his tone resolute. “But I’ll admit that it’s getting expensive, so I’ll crash with the guys until I figure out a more permanent solution.” I press my lips together to keep from voicing my displeasure, but the look I level at him makes it clear that this conversation is far from over. It feels incredibly gross to know I’ve taken his home from him, regardless of him being the one to give it to me.

“Let’s get back on track, shall we?” Rita voices, redirecting our focus. “Job security is paramount to CPS granting you custody, which means you need to be able to show proof of income.” My stomach sinks, realizing I won’t be able to clear that hurdle quite so easily.

“Don’t fret, sweetheart,” Roy hums, his eyes sparkling with determination. “I’m going to rig the dates so it looks like you’ve been working at The Village for the past month. I’ll cut you a check that accurately reflects the wages you would’ve earned.” My lips part to protest, but he lifts a hand, a silent request for my cooperation. “Think of it as an advance. We’d love to bring you on permanently, but only when you’re ready, and life isn’t so chaotic. Take some time to settle into your new normal before you feel the need to fulfill an obligation that doesn’t exist.” I swallow past the thick lump in my throat, wrapping my arms around Royce as my entire being sags in relief.

I refuse to take advantage of his kindness, but I’m also aware that my back is against the wall, and without their help and support, there’s no way in hell I’d be able to get custody of Hudson. And his safety and well-being will always come before my own discomfort. I’ll gladly accept their generosity if it means I can bring him home.

“With your main obstacles sorted, all that’s left is ensuring you have what’s needed to care for a child his age. I think we should pay a visit to Seth’s house, pack what we can of Hudson’s, and leave the rest for another day. Having familiar clothes and toys will help him acclimate, so it’s beneficial to make use of what we have available to us, in more ways than one. Briggs and Col can join Andi and me at Seth’s, while the rest of you clear out a bedroom here so we can begin setting everything up as soon as we’re back. Chop, chop, boys. Time is of the essence,” Rita concludes, springing into motion as she shoos the guys towards their respective tasks, expertly dividing them into groups that’ll result in the least amount of clashing.

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