Page 40 of Give Me Peace

“I..I guess I’d like to get my GED.” Admitting that comes with a heavy dose of insecurity, not because I think it’s somehow less than the high school diploma I should’ve gotten, but because I know it’s not an easy test, and I have no idea where I stand with my education. Luckily, school was pretty easy for me and I typically tested ahead in my classes. But I’ve missed vital years of teaching.

“Yeah?” Havok grins. “I think that’s awesome, Say.”

“Alrighty. Next up. What’s it gonna be, Best Friend?” Kash wiggles his pen at me, eagerly awaiting the next thing he can add to the list.

“Learn how to drive,” I tell him, because really, how the heck does one acquire independence when you can’t get from point A to point B without needing a chauffeur? He writes it down quickly, peering at me impatiently as soon as he’s finished. My cheeks hurt from how hard I’m smiling.

“If I do get my GED, I’d like to take college classes.”

“Please.” Havok scoffs. “If, pretty girl? We both know you’ll ace it. You’ve always been the smartest person in the room, at any given time.” He winks at me, but I swear a ten-ton stone has lodged itself in my chest cavity. I didn’t feel very smart while being in that cellar. No matter how many times I brainstormed and tried to figure out a way to get the hell out of there, Liam was always one step ahead. I certainly wasn’t the smartest person in the room then. As if he can sense the dark direction of my thoughts, Havok slides his hand closer and links his pinky with mine.

“Maybe one day..” I pause, mulling over my words. “I hope to have a career I love. A family.” Conveniently, I leave out the fear I’m harboring about my own worthiness. The worry I have that a future partner might see me as dirty or damaged goods. Those aren’t attractive qualities any man would desire.

“You’ve already got a family,” Kash states, looking me dead in the eye. There’s a hint of hurt in his voice, but I don’t think he understood that in the context I meant it.

“You’re right.” I smile, waiting for his chocolate gaze to lighten, along with his mood.

“Okay, that’s a good start. We’ll stick it on the fridge and add to it like we do the other one.” Kash flips the notebook closed and tosses it aside. “Who wants to have a sandcastle building competition?” He waggles his eyebrows, completely ignoring Havok’s groan of annoyance. Reaching behind me, he whips out a bucket of beach toys. I squeal, the excited noise uncontainable. They laugh at my over-the-top reaction, but I’m too busy inventorying the goods to be bothered.

“Snagged these bad boys from the garage when I went back for the pen and paper,” Kash explains.

“Why do you even have them in the first place?” I ponder.

“Why do you think?” Havok cocks his head to the side. “For our man-child, of course.” Kash flips him off as he dumps the bucket, handing me all the pink toys before splitting the rest between the two of them.

“Okay, thirty minutes starts…now!” Kash starts slinging sand every which a way, barely giving us a heads up that it’s go-time.

I wiggle off my towel, claiming a bare spot as my own so the guys can’t encroach on my territory. They have no idea how many times Mom and I did this very thing. I briefly mentioned it to Kash, but I don’t think he understands how seriously we took our castle building. Even one-handed, I’m determined to best their amateur-level skills. I grin, digging my fingers beneath the sand until my arm is completely buried, then push it through the other side to make a bridge. Shovel in hand, I form a circle, extending the mote until an island takes shape in the middle. From there, I build the castle itself. Using the two pails—one bigger, one smaller—I erect the turrets.

Right when Kash calls a five-minute warning, I haul my butt up and head for the water. I’m too focused on my own build, so I have no idea how theirs are coming along. I fill my bucket and walk as quickly as I can back to my nearly finished masterpiece. Despite my best effort, the water only soaks into the sand. I growl in frustration but spot some seashells a few feet away. Scattering them around the edge, I decide the mote is currently experiencing a drought.

“Time!” Kash screeches, scaring me half to death. We step back to view our work. “Well, it’s clear my Jujube will be taking first place.” I fist pump, but only a little. My ribs are starting to ache from all the moving around.

“Say, who’s second?” Havok questions.

“Uh…” I freeze, not wanting to be the one to decide. “It’s a tie?” I analyze both castles, though I’m not sure you could call them that. Kash’s has a bit more shape, whereas Havok’s is nothing more than a couple of lumps. No rhyme or reason. They look eerily similar to…

“Are those boobs?” I point, blurting out the accusation. Havok folds over laughing as Kash rears back in shock.

“You dirty bastard! Grounds for disqualification. I win!” Kash dances in victory, but who knows what moves those are and where the hell he learned them.

“Bullshit,” Havok scoffs. He marches over and stomps Kash’s sandcastle to smithereens. My jaw drops, eyes bugging out of my head.

“I’m gonna beat your ass,” Kash yells, but his poorly contained smile lessens the effect of his threat.

They take off, chasing each other up and down the beach. I stay put and watch, laughing as they dodge and weave one another. Kash isn’t wrong; they feel like family. I’m growing more attached by the day. Havok finally catches him, tossing Kash over his shoulder before sprinting toward the water. I’m outright giggling as they crash into the waves, both dropping like dead weight. They’re sputtering and laughing, every inch of them drenched. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sight than Havok McKade grinning without a care in the world. He looks so genuinely happy it makes my chest ache.

They rise, trudging through the water as they playfully shove each other. Havok’s white tee clings to his skin, the same colorful tattoos covering his arms now visible along his torso. I’m riveted, trying to make out the designs, when he peels the wet material up and over his head. It’s not just my cheeks that heat this time, it’s my entire body. His abdomen is lean but cut, and droplets of saltwater accentuate his defined muscles in a way I find far too appealing. I’m almost twenty; I understand my reaction. I just didn’t expect to have this sort of response so soon, and certainly not to him.

“Got a little drool, pretty girl.” Havok swipes his thumb across my bottle lip, a devilish grin on his face. Oh God, if there was ever a good time for a sinkhole to randomly open up and suck me down, this would be it. Kash laughs, shaking his body like a wet dog. Water goes flying, the cools drop feeling glorious against my too-hot flesh. What a perfect time to dip my toes in. I say quick see-ya-later and book it as fast as my achy ribs allow.

I spend a good twenty-minutes walking the shoreline, but never wander too far. The guys are within eyeshot at all times. They’ve got sandwiches pulled out when I make it back to my towel, and Kash hands one over as I take a seat. I smile at the turkey and mustard combo, a favorite of mine that Havok must’ve learned about from Mom. A bag of chips is placed between us, so I snag a few, popping them in my mouth while staring out at the endless expanse of ocean. It gives me chills, thinking of being out there. Tossed around by the waves with nothing but water in every direction, as far as the eye can see.

Once we’ve finished, I resume my earlier position. Both men follow a second later, their arms going behind their heads to act as a pillow. I’m sure I look stiff as a board, since I can’t do that without wanting to cry. But the sun feels good, leading me to close my eyes. It’s got to be nearing a hundred degrees, but with the breeze coming off the ocean it’s not as noticeable. This reminds me of summers spent with Mom and Grandpa, fishing off the pier and helping him prep his boat. We’d refuse his offer to join him on his trips, likely residual trauma from my father’s death, but it was nice to spend time together.

“Hey, Havok,” I call out, breaking through the comfortable silence we’d fallen into. “Did you ever go to my grandad’s grave?”

“Once. Why?” I feel him turn toward me, but keep my eyes closed.