Page 36 of Give Me Peace

“That could be fun,” I voice quietly, wiping at the tears building along my lower lashes. We chat a bit longer, keeping the top light and menial. It’s a nice segue into building trust with her so that when the time does come, it’s not as difficult opening up and baring my darkest secrets to her.

“I’m excited to hear what you come up with for you list. How about we meet at the same time next week?” She asks while thumbing through her schedule.

“Sounds good.”

“Perfect. I very much enjoyed our talk today. I’ll see you next time, Saylor.” Danielle grins and wiggles her fingers at me.

“Bye.”

I wave awkwardly and hit the end call button. I slump against Lochlan’s office chair and take a few minutes to process our conversation. It didn’t go at all how I imagined it to. I’d been so worried she would pry until I caved and blurted everything out, but it was the exact opposite of that. Danielle was respectful of my feelings and didn’t once push me to talk about anything I didn’t want to. I fully expected to leave this room a blubbering mess. But the only tears I cried were because her words made me feel hopeful. I twist the top off the bottle of water Lochlan gave me and drink it greedily. As soon as I leave his office, I can hear the guys laughing and joking around. When they come into view, I stop to take in the scene before me. Kash and Roan are playing a game on the TV, their hands making karate chops as they jump around.

“Fuck off! It’s not natural to be that quick when you’re tank sized.” Kash shoves him in the shoulder but he barely moves.

“Tink.” Krew appears beside me out of nowhere, causing me to jump. My hand goes to my chest, but he only startled me. I didn’t for a second think I was in danger or worry about being hit. It makes me wonder if I’d be as trusting with anyone else as I am with these men. And why the heck it’s so easy with them? “Ready to watch my twin make an ass of himself?” Krew smirks. I look back to find Kash trying to wrestle with Roan. I can tell it’s going nowhere fast. After toying with him for a few minutes, Roan seems to be over their little game and pins him to the ground. Using a t-shirt Havok tosses him, the two of them manage to tie Kash’s hands and feet together while keeping him on his stomach.

“Hey! We agreed to no more turtling!” Kash shouts, wiggling around like a roly-poly.

“Turtling?” I whisper.

“Yeah. Cause he looks like a turtle that’s stuck on its back,” Krew explains, a slight laugh leaving him as he watches his brother attempt to free himself.

“Oh, look. Say’s here.” Havok grins.

“Best Friend!” Kash yells. “I require your assistance.” I walk closer, stopping a few feet away, and assess the situation.

“You’re really in a bind, huh?” I ask, pointing to the twisted-up shirt holding him hostage.

“Did she…was that a pun, pretty girl?” Havok swivels his head around to stare at me, then folds over laughing. The others follow suit, but I step forward and begin untying the man who’s deemed himself my best friend. His limbs flop to the ground as soon as he’s free. I hold the fabric, giving it a hard look, as my mind brings me back to a time when I had something similar binding my hands and covering my eyes. I blink, swallowing past the lump in my throat, and remind myself that this isn’t the same. It was a joke. Kash is fine. I’m perfectly safe and no one here would ever do that to me.

“Hey.” Roan slides in front of me, his size blocking out everyone else. “I didn’t think. I’m sorry, Little Fighter. I keep messing up, but I swear I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know,” I tell him, having to crane my neck back to meet his eyes. “You’re not messing up. I’m just sensitive.”

“No, you’re trying to heal from something traumatic. Seeing reminders of said trauma doesn’t help the cause. I’ll do better.” I nod, knowing it’s pointless to argue. “Can I give you a hug?” I practically faceplant against his chest. I inhale Roan’s scent, letting it block out the memory of being there. I’m surrounded by the spicy smell of his cologne instead of mildew. He holds me until I’m the one to pull away.

“Who’s down for another movie night?” Krew asks, glossing over my mini meltdown. I’m more than happy to move on and act like it didn’t happen. Everyone agrees so we settle in with a load of blankets and start a marathon of Harry Potter. We eat and laugh, then eat some more. I’m not sure who falls asleep first, but we end up crashing on the couch. Thank God it’s massive.

Chapter Nineteen

Roan

My body is stiff as fuck from sleeping in a seated position half the night, but damn if I was going to move. Saylor’s tiny feet are laid across my lap. I’ve had my hand wrapped around one or the other, my thumb softly stroking the side of her ankle any time I feel her move. She’s stirred once or twice, but one of us has been there to reach out and calm her before it got too bad. It’s still dark, just past 4am, when I extricate myself from the impromptu slumber party.

My mind is restless. I’ve been dozing on and off but haven’t slept more than an hour at a time. It’s not uncommon for me to be up and down throughout the night. Sometimes, I spend hours in the gym trying to tire myself out, eager for the inevitable crash and small glimpse of reprieve. I’ve been so wrapped up in Saylor, worried about how she’s doing and what she needs, that I haven’t really had the time nor brain power to obsess over Elira the way I usually do. That’s a mindfuck in itself.

My sister has always been my driving force. To do better—be better. Now here’s this woman, occupying all my free time and taking up residence in my thoughts, leaving little to no room for anything else. It’s a different type of guilt. Like I’ve somehow forgotten or replaced Elira. I know it isn’t true. I’ll never forget my baby sister or the hell she endured. I just don’t feel as consumed by it, and that’s bothering the shit out of me.

Kade and I fucked up last night. We shouldn’t have joked about tying Kash up like that. I noticed the second Saylor slipped away, lost to a memory she shouldn’t fucking have to begin with. We were careless. But damn if she didn’t pull herself out of it all on her own. She came to me, even after I’d been a part of the problem and pressed her face to my chest like it was the only place she wanted to be. I’d hold that girl forever, but I’d never been prouder to see her take the comfort she needed and strengthen her resolve.

Saylor is a lot fucking stronger than any of us give her credit for. If I’d been through the shit she has, there’s a good chance I’d be holed-up somewhere, refusing to interact with the rest of the world. But not the five-foot-nothing pixie who’s healing more and more every day. She doesn’t even realize it. Saylor has this idea that she’s meek—maybe a bit of a pushover—but she’s assertive when she needs to be. She’s the perfect fucking balance of soft and hard, and every time she lets go and her laughter fills the room, I swear it’s like a shot of sunshine straight to my nervous system.

I make a quick trip to my room to change into some gym shorts and a t-shirt. It’s early as hell, but I know I won’t be getting any more sleep. As quietly as possible, I slip out the patio door and make my way towards the beach. The air’s still cool, but I know it won’t take me long to work up a sweat. As soon as I reach the packed sand, I take off in a brisk jog. I’ve never been a runner, but there’s something calming about being out here all alone, nothing but the sound of the ocean for company.

We’re the only house on either side for a good mile. When we bought the land, it’d been the last piece available for purchase. Some old-money Floridian acquired several plots because he didn’t want anyone to build right on top of his estate. He sold a few pieces off a while back and we were lucky enough to snag one. Thus far, it’s been the perfect setup, not having some nosy ass neighbor in our business on the regular. When I finally make it back to the house, I have to take a second to catch my breath. Hands on my knees, I drag in deep, steady pulls of air.

It's still silent when I step inside; everyone’s knocked out still. Kash has candy wrappers strewn across his chest, likely sleeping off a sugar crash. Saylor is exactly where I left her, but Krew’s slyly taken my place. His hand is resting on her calf, blanket pushed aside so his skin is touching hers. As much as he tries to pull away, it seems he’s just as fucked as the rest of us. Kade’s slumped in the corner, and Loch has claimed the other side to stretch out. With the shape of the sectional, it’s basically three long couches that form a U. Krew thought it was unnecessary, especially since we have the media room downstairs, but I bet he’s happy we have it right about now. I shake my head, a smile tipping my lips at how easily Saylor fits with us.

I make a beeline for the shower, eager to wash the sweat from my body. My thigh muscles are going to hate me from the torture I put them through this morning. I don’t usually run for as long as I did, but I got lost in the rhythmic thump of my feet and the quiet nothingness inside my head. I shower, dress in some sweats and a plain white tee, then throw my damp hair up to keep it out of the way. I usually buzz the shit once a year, so maybe it’s time to go short for a while.