Page 25 of Give Me Peace

He was lanky growing up, and I’d always wondered if that was his natural build or if it’d been a result of his circumstances. I knew he didn’t have the best home life. His clothes were always worn and baggy, even on the first day of school when everyone else was sporting new outfits and shoes. Havok is two years older than me, but I had been drawn to him from the moment I first saw him. I’d just started Kindergarten, while he was in second grade. My recess overlapped with his P.E. class, and on occasion they would be on the field that butted against the playground.

Havok was always angry, and for some reason, that bothered me. I didn’t like to see other people upset. The day I tried to play with him was the day he decided to hate me. I’ve never been the type of person who could brush off not being liked. I want to understand what I did wrong, if I said something rude. So, I tried, over and over again to make nice with him, but it always backfired. It’s pathetic of me, but once upon a time I had a crush on Havok. I’d naively thought I could fix the broken boy with ice in his eyes, but he proved he never needed saving, and certainly not from me.

The water’s barely warm when I turn the jets off and wrap a towel around my body. My fingers and toes are pruned so badly they resemble an eighty-year-olds, but it was worth it. I head to the closet, my eyes scanning the new clothes apprehensively. I feel guilty that Kash went to all the trouble of getting me this stuff. It couldn’t have been cheap. I check the built-in chest of drawers for pajamas, but the contents of the first drawer make me pause.

I can feel heat flaming my cheeks as I pull out a pair of panties, one of many, noting the price tag still attached. They say ‘Tuesday’ across the front. I grab another pair, baby pink boy shorts, then yank out a lacy red thing that makes me choke on air. It’s like Kash decided he’d get a smorgasbord of underwear the way he did the bath and body products. I check the next drawer, discovering a row of bras. They also vary in style and color, and when I check the sizing, I groan, completely mortified. The measurements are spot on.

My shame only grows when I realize I’ve been around them all day, Lochlan and Roan even longer, without having worn one. Mine was taken the first time Liam ripped my clothes from my body, never to be seen again. I shudder, having to close my eyes and remind myself of where I am. Better yet, where I’m not. I quickly look through the other drawers, finding several sets of pajamas. Pulling out a soft cream-colored top and matching shorts, I push the door closed on the closet. Even though my room is locked, it doesn’t feel right to dress out in the open.

A laugh burst out of me, the ease of it shocking. I guess Roan was right to question Kash, because plastered to the back of my closet door is a Justin Bieber poster. It’s older, from when I was a fan. I doubt the singer still looks the same now. I spend a good five minutes trying to dress myself, a smile tugging at my lips the entire time, and then head back to the bathroom. I hang my wet towel and slip the brace back over my wrist. It hasn’t bothered me too much, only when I twist it a certain way, so maybe I won’t have to wear it for too long. Then, I quickly brush my teeth and climb into bed.

I’m exhausted, and I hope between the pain pills and extra-long bath I’ll be able to sleep through the night. I’m nervous for tomorrow. To be around the guys again after feeling like they deliberately kept something from me in order to sway my decision. I’ve been living in this place of ignorance, by my own choosing, since I found out about Mom. But I need to suck it up and face reality. The answers aren’t going to change, no matter how long I put off asking them.

My eyes glance to the door, double checking that the lock is still in place. I feel safe here, but my trust is fragile, and it makes me feel better to know that no one can barge in unannounced. With the light from my closest casting a faint glow around the room, I slowly drift away in the softest bed I’ve ever slept on.

I jerk awake, my skin slick with sweat and breathing ragged. I can’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I know it wasn’t anything good. There’s an icky feeling coating my body, making me want to rinse off again. I flop against the mound of pillows and will the moment to pass. Thirty minutes later and it’s still dark outside, but I can’t get back to sleep. My throat is so dry I could drain a well. I debate going in search of something, nervous to leave my room in the middle of the night. This isn’t my house and I feel awkward roaming around as if it is. Ultimately, I opt to tiptoe and pray I don’t wake anyone.

My bare feet hit the cool floor and I shiver. The sound of my lock clicking over is loud in the otherwise silence, making me pause. I open the door just enough to slip my head out. There’s no one around, not that I really expected there to be. With careful steps, I navigate the darkened hallway. It’s not pitch black, but I’m not familiar enough with the layout of everything to know if I’ll bump into something. Sliding my fingers along the wall, as use it as a guide until I turn the corner down the main hall.

The closer I get to the end, the more visible everything is, which makes sense when I see the kitchen light has been left on. The next thing I notice is that the refrigerator door is open, making my steps falter. As if summoned, the person bent behind it rises and looks directly at me. I thought I’d been quiet, but he seems keenly aware of my arrival.

“Hi,” Krew whispers. I wave, swallowing past the lump in my throat. His expression is blank, giving no indication of what he’s thinking. I worry I’ve crossed a line, impeded a boundary I’m unaware of but should somehow be obvious. Like ‘don’t go traipsing around a house that isn’t yours’.

“Everything okay?” he asks, his tone completely neutral.

I nod, then pluck some bravery from thin air and say, “Could I have some water, please?” Krew blinks, my question going unanswered for several awkward seconds.

“Of course, you can, Saylor.” He nods for me to take a seat at the island, so I comply and shuffle forward. Krew grabs a glass and places it beneath the water dispenser on the fridge. Sliding it over, he watches as I drain half of it in one go.

“For future reference, you don’t need to ask for anything.”

He spins around, giving his attention to the spread of food laying on the counter. I watch as he takes a bagel, slices it in half, and lathers both sides in cream cheese. He sprinkles on some cinnamon sugar before popping them in a toaster oven. As he clears away the mess and puts the food back where it goes, I discretely observe the man I know the least about.

He’s different from his twin. Kash is relaxed and approachable, where Krew is reserved. He’s apprehensive, but not in a rude way. Like he wants to reserve judgment until he knows you better, but until then he has no opinion of you—good or bad. I have a feeling that’s my current categorization, but I find no fault in that logic.

The toaster dings and Krew places each bagel half onto a plate, then pulls a jar of honey from their spice cabinet and drizzles a healthy amount over both. Once he’s finished, he places one in front of me and leans against the counter. I take a smile bite, not wanting to be rude, but I’m surprised to find I actually like it. Krew eats way faster than I do, never speaking a word, but he patiently waits for me to finish.

“You won’t always have them,” he states out of nowhere, rinsing our plates in the process. I scrunch my nose in confusion. “The nightmares,” he clarifies. “That’s what woke you, right?” I debate answering, because I’m not sure.

“I think so, but I don’t remember any of it. It was a feeling more than anything,” I answer quietly. Krew nods like that makes perfect sense.

“They fade with time, but there’s a good chance you’ll never be completely rid of them. Eventually, they’ll visit you less often. When you feel safe again. At least, that’s how it was for me.” He shrugs, like it’s no big deal for him to disclose something so personal. “I’m gonna catch a few hours of sleep before this place comes alive. Fair warning, Kash is one of those elusive morning people, so beware. He tends to get restless when he’s the only up, and he has no qualms with waking the whole house if it means he’s doesn’t have to be alone.” I smile, picturing a fidgety Kash, pacing the floors as he waits for the rest of the guys to come around.

“Thank you for the food,” I voice softly as he turns to walk away. “Goodnight, Krew.”

“Night, Tink,” he calls over his shoulder, disappearing down the hallway a second later.

Chapter Fourteen

Saylor

“Best Friend.”

I bury my face against the softness it’s resting on, intent on ignoring the incessant whispering that keeps trying to drag me from the best sleep I’ve had in years.

“Best Friend…” The voice prods again, slightly louder this time but still somewhat muffled.

“Saylor.”