Page 14 of Give Me Peace

I feel self-conscious at first, with him staring at me, but I finally dip my spoon in the soup and take a tiny sip. Lochlan seems to relax now that he sees I’m eating. It’s not that I’m not hungry, because I am. I’m just not used to normal tastes anymore. Mine has become very singular after only having the same few things for so long.

“Um…” Lochlan starts to speak but pauses to run his fingers through his hair. “Ro and I have been staying in here, at least one of us at all times, but if you’d rather we didn’t that’s okay. Neither of us wants to overstep.” I’m not sure I fully understand what role they play in all of this, but they haven’t done anything to make me fear them. My gut says they’re okay and I have nothing to be concerned about, but after everything, I doubt my ability to distinguish good from bad.

“It’s fine,” is what I go with, because if having them near means no one can get through that door who isn’t supposed to, I’ll manage. I drink a little more, but I can feel my stomach start to tighten, ready to expel the foreign substance. Lochlan looks like he wants to say something when I push the table away, maybe encourage me to eat a bit more, but chooses to stay quiet.

A few minutes later, Nurse Karley comes back and administers some pain medication through my IV, saying it should help me sleep through the night. One can only hope. My bed is lowered, and though it takes some serious effort and a lot of deep breathing, I manage to turn on my good side. It’s the way I’ve always slept, but it leaves me facing Lochlan and his honey-colored eyes.

Karley leaves with my half-eaten dinner tray, turning the lights down as she goes. Thankfully, there’s a glow from the bathroom that keeps the space illuminated. I try to close my eyes, already drowsy from the drugs pumping through my veins, but it’s dark and blank when I do. When I’m awake, I can see I’m no longer there. I know it’s real.

“I’m scared to sleep. What if this is all a dream?” I speak my fears quietly, but Lochlan hears me.

“It’s not a dream, sweetheart. Put your hand in mine, and anytime you need to remind yourself of where you are, you squeeze as hard as you need to.” He lays his palm on the bed, facing up, and waits patiently for me to decide if I want to take it. I bite my lip, wondering if that’s something I should try and push so quickly. I haven’t touched another person, or been touched without the accompaniment of pain, in so long. My hand shakes with nerves, but I slowly slide it into Lochlan’s until the heat of his skin is warming my own.

“Sleep, Saylor.” His whispered command barely breaches my mind before I fade away.

I jerk awake, making my side pinch. Just as I feared, my dreams were plagued with threadbare mattresses and blinking red lights. No one had come for me; it was just a fantasy I’d created in my half-dead state. Before my heartrate has a chance to return to normal, I take in my surroundings. It’s completely dark. There’s no light from the bathroom, no glow from the moon. I can’t see anything and it’s sending me headfirst into a panic attack. But my hand is still wrapped in something warm, so I squeeze, hoping to ground myself.

“Lochlan,” I whimper, needing to know with absolute certainty he’s still here. That he’s real.

“Saylor?” He wakes instantly, standing so fast something gets knocked over. “What’s wrong?” He’s feeling around with his free hand, looking for the lamp.

“There’s no light,” I sob. “It’s too dark.” Someone mutters ‘fuck’, and then there’s another crash. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, when finally, the bathroom light gets flipped on. My entire body sags in relief.

“I’m so sorry, Saylor. I must have switched it off without thinking.” Roan stands in the doorway, his chest heaving and eyes full of remorse.

“It’s okay.” I lick my dry lips and focus on taking slow, measured breaths.

“It’s not,” he urges, his voice right next to me. I force my eyes open, noting how distressed he looks. “I was half asleep, but that’s not an excuse.” Lochlan squeezes my hand, his head resting on the side of my bed. I think I took a few years off everyone’s life.

“It really is. You didn’t know, but now you do.” I think that’s most I’ve spoken to either of them.

“It’ll never happen again,” Lochlan promises. I can sense the looming adrenalin crash, so I nod, keeping my hand wound with his. I thought it’d be difficult to fall back asleep, but it’s really not.

Chapter Eight

Saylor

There’s sunlight streaming through the window when I wake, but it’s still early. My palm is sweaty from where it’s still connected with Lochlan’s, and my arm is partially numb from sleeping so soundly in one position. There’s a weight over my ankle that wasn’t there before, and when I look down to see what it is, I find Roan’s arm laid across it. He’s slumped over, his body much too big for the chair he spent the night in.

Lochlan is snoring lightly, his breath tickling the inside of my arm. Gently, I try to pull my hand from his so I can go relieve my bladder. I’ve barely moved when his eyes fly open and his back goes straight. It sets off a chain reaction, causing Roan to do the same. I freeze, shocked by how easily I’d woken them when they’d been sleeping so hard.

“Bathroom,” I explain, needing to get there sooner rather than later.

“Right.” Lochlan pulls away, giving me space to move from the bed. “Do you need me to get the nurse?”

“I think I’ve got it,” I tell him, but he doesn’t look convinced. Other than a little help getting to my feet, I manage to do the rest on my own. I’m wiping my hands against my gown, trying to dry them off as I open the door, but stop short when I see there’s a man I don’t recognize. My eyes immediately search out Lochlan’s for an explanation.

“Saylor, this is Agent Denvers.” He waves towards the newcomer. He’s older, late forties to early fifties, with salt and pepper hair. His eyes appear kind, along with the small smile he gives me.

“I can’t tell you how good it is to finally meet you, Ms. Radley.” I take my spot back on the bed, not sure where else to go. “I know we’re strangers to you, but it feels like we’ve known you for some time now. I’m sorry we couldn’t bring you home sooner.” Lochlan takes his same seat while Agent Denvers grabs the free one, leaving Roan to lean against the wall by the door.

“There’s a lot we need to go over, and as much as I hate it, I need to get your account of what happened, starting from the day you were taken.” He grimaces, like he knows I’m not ready for this, but he’s got no other choice. I fist my hand so tightly, my fingernails start to break the skin. As soon as Lochlan notices, he wedges his fingers between mine and twines them together.

“Um,” I cough, looking at my cup of water. Roan follows my gaze, then pushes of the wall to bring it to me. His huge hand holds the straw still so I can have a drink. When it no longer feels like I’ve swallowed sandpaper, I start again. “I missed the bus, so I was walking home. I’d done it plenty of times before. Mom was working the night shift so I couldn’t call for her to pick me up. Sheriff Price offered me a ride. I didn’t see anything wrong with accepting; I’d known him forever. Something felt off, but I was too scared to say or do anything. I thought I was overreacting.” I have to stop and take a breath. Hearing it now, all laid out, makes me feel incredibly stupid.

“We missed the turn for my house, but I still didn’t say anything. I’m not sure when it happened, but he shoved a needle in my thigh. When I woke up, I was already in the room he’d prepared. I never left it, not once. He took me to the one behind the bookcase every few months. He’d..” I swallow past them lump in my throat, squeezing Lochlan’s hand so hard I’m shocked his bones aren’t groaning from the pressure. “He’d touch me. And I’m pretty sure he recorded it.” It feels like Liam steals another part of me with that admission. I’m ashamed, though I have no reason to be.

“Saylor, can you elaborate on how, exactly, he touched you?” Agent Denvers politely asks, but I’d rather drink battery acid than give him every dirty detail of what that man did to me.