Page 281 of The Edge of Darkness

I stepped up onto the large stone, then took a seat. Saxon followed suit. I handed him a mug, then uncorked the bottle and served us both a heavy pour. Without letting the liquor breathe, I put the bottle to my lips and took a long swig. It burned like fire going down my throat, but the warmth it left in its wake eased some of the tension from my shoulders.

We sat in silence, listening to the stream and sipping our drinks, working up the courage to have the conversation that was many millennia in the making.

This whiskey needs to work faster.

“You were right,” I finally said. “I did see them at the end. But just because they lost hope, didn’t mean they couldn’t still find it somewhere else.” I turned my head and met Saxon’s stare. “How do you think I survived this long?”

He didn’t respond.

“I found something worth living for. I gave myself a purpose, even if it wasn’t the one the fates had in store for me. I chose to continue. To uphold what we were born to do, regardless of who we do it for.” I took a sip, gritting my teeth as I swallowed the sweet burn. “I have lived all these years thinking I had done something wrong. I thought I was the cause—not even worthy of an explanation, or a goodbye, or of death itself. Over time, I learned to live with the guilt and the questions and the what-ifs. I buried all the memories so I would not have to drown in them, but I never forgot our brothers. I never will.”

“I . . .” Saxon searched for words. “Remic, I’m truly sorry. I never meant to leave you with that burden.”

“But you did.”

There was a long pause.

Saxon took a gulp of his drink, then stared down into it. “I was miserable afterward. I knew I had only done what they’d asked me to, but it still felt like I had brought nothing but shame upon myself. I tried to look for you afterward; I searched for months.” He spoke as if finding me would have made a difference.

“What’s done, is done, Saxon. Telling me then, or now, does not change the fact that they are gone.”

“I wasn’t trying to find you to tell you what I had done. I was trying to find you so that I could tell you what the seer said.”

“That you and I would be spared? Got that.”

“No, Rem, there was more. She said ‘both are needed in a great war that is to come.’”

My heart stuttered in my chest.

“I tried to find you to tell you that we have a purpose after all.”

A purpose—the one thing I had wanted my entire existence. I had searched high and low, across territory and realm for it. I had fought for it with every swing of my sword, looked for it in every being’s eyes as they thanked me for saving their lives.

Part of me wanted to laugh that Saxon had known all along, and that I, in my rage, had vacated the isles and found places to stow away for years until I felt some of myself returning. If I had just stayed, if I had only allowed him or anyone else to find me . . .

But I had no desire to be found back then. And thus his revelation was lost to time.

Would it have truly changed my outlook on things anyway?

Needed for a great war.

That seemed fitting. It was what I was used to—to be needed for something so vague, so vast. Never anything specific.

What of the other wars I’d fought in? Who was to say the fae’s vision had not already been fulfilled?

Perhaps I was looking at this all wrong. The lives I had saved over the years, the duty I upheld—be it of my own will or the fates—mattered. It was the lack of confirmation, and not knowing what the end game would be, that ate at me. I tried to bite back the bitterness, but no matter what angle I looked at it from, I lost that battle.

I stared into my own mug at the amber liquid that appeared black within the confines of the horn. “And none of you ever thought to question the credibility of the fae who gave Gideon this message?”

Saxon lifted a shoulder. “What choice did we really have?”

I could debate that all that day long, but there was no point.

The rest of the whiskey went down more smoothly. I drained my cup, then tipped the bottle to refill it.

“So, after all this time, you just happen to show up on the eve of battle, and conveniently disclose information I have waited the majority of my life to hear? Why are you here, Saxon, really?”

He finished his drink and lifted it for more, answering as I poured. “I didn’t just happen to show up. I was with the human queen and her Dionach. I have been in the human realm for quite some time, actually, keeping to myself near the northern coast. When the attack on the northern border happened, I went to pledge my services to do whatever was needed. That was where I met the queen’s Dionach, and then the queen received a vision, and the next thing I knew, we were saving a woman in the forest. The woman, Auren, took us to a cave to heal herself and the shifter that came to save her, then she ported us here.”