Page 26 of The Logic of Loyalty

“He’s fine!” Becky calls from where she’s in line for the food. She waves her empty plate at us. “Just give him back when you’re done.”

Carter chuckles as he finally puts me down with one final squeeze. “Let me know if you need anything else. I’m going to get in line to eat some of this awesome food. Thanks for inviting us!”

“When did so many people get involved with our Fourth of July?” Trevor sidles up to me when I walk away from the table back to where Bethany is now standing by her boyfriend. Time for some recon.

I can’t stop the wrinkle in my nose.

Bobby has his arm slung over Bethany’s shoulder as he whispers something to her. She nods and adjusts her shorts, tugging them down. She says something back to him, but he’s already watching us approach. His eyes dip down the length of my body, and Trevor stiffens next to me. “Does he always look at you like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like he wants to bend you over the nearest table.”

“Trevor William!”

He shrugs next to me. “Just saying. Hey, there, Bethany, Bobby.” Trevor reaches out a hand for a shake from Bobby, then Bethany. I watch her shoulders fall with the interaction, but Trevor is already trying to move on.

I stand my ground. “Thank you for coming today! How is your summer so far?” I shake Bobby’s hand, too, but pry my hand out when he holds it too long to give Bethany a hug.

“It’s going great. Trevor and I are both vying for the same position, so some friendly competition at the workplace.”

“Super friendly.”

“And you, Bethany? How’s your summer going?”

Both men look to Bethany, who turns a bright red. “Oh, well—uh. I’m working with Mother on the town council. I’ve been helping plan and schedule⁠—”

“We’re also going on a special trip soon,” Bobby interrupts, then puts his arm back around her waist. “I haven’t hammered down a date yet, but once things start rolling at work, I’ll be able to treat this girl to a great vacation.”

“Oh, yeah? Where to?” Trevor pushes, and this entire interaction is making me regret coming over here. I wanted to get a sense of the couple together. Another waft of that smell from my husband makes my head swim. Shit, I’m going to puke.

“I’m going to check on something inside. I’ll be right back.” I rush through the backyard and through the door. I get to the toilet just in time to lose what little I’ve eaten today.

The rest of the evening is a rinse and repeat of that interaction. I talk to a few people, I dismiss myself, I throw up. Trevor reappears nearly every time I do. Around eight thirty, I’m exhausted, nauseous, and confused when Krista saunters through our backyard to the food table. She’s wearing tiny jean shorts and a red, white, and blue shirt tied high on her waist. Her blond hair is in a high ponytail, and she looks like every beer commercial’s model come to life. There’s a stir in the backyard at her entrance, and to my extreme discomfort, I see Trevor and Bobby both watching her. I’m standing with Becky as Carter helps tidy some of the food items.

“Who the hell is that?”

“Hmm?” I play dumb. I don’t want to answer the question.

She nods to Krista. “Independence Day Barbie making a tray of sad food.”

“Sad food?”

Becky lifts her chin in her direction. “See? All veggies and fruits. Do you think she wants some meat? We can get some for her from the fridge?” She turns to the house, but I place my hand on her arm.

“No, she’s probably fine. I can ask.” I don’t move, though, because something else has grabbed my attention. Bethany is standing with Bobby and Trevor now, and she looks like someone kicked her in the stomach. Krista approaches, hugging everyone in the group—including my husband—and Bethany only looks more upset when Krista backs away. “I’m going to go welcome her and offer her some food.” I pat Becky on the arm and wander to the tense group, discomfort radiating from them.

“Hey, everyone. How’s it going?” Instead of attaching myself to Trevor’s side, I align myself with his sister. Before anyone can answer, I turn to Krista. “Hello, again! I couldn’t help but notice you came after our main course was put away. How about I go and grab you some brisket and pork?” Krista shakes her head, but I interrupt. “Bethany, why don’t you come with me, and you can point out what you think your dear friend would like?”

Bethany takes a second before meeting my eyes. Her normally vibrant blues are dull in the low lights of my backyard, but it’s more than that. She looks shattered—like the smallest pressure could make her fall to pieces. She holds my gaze briefly and gives a tiny nod in response.

I grab her arm and walk her back to the house, ignoring my husband’s silence and anything else the group says. “Are you okay?”

Bethany doesn’t answer at first, then finally shrugs her shoulders. “I will be.”

Krista did eat some of the meat I brought back outside, but the boys made quick work of the rest. I was able to get Bethany in the company of Carter and Becky, and they seemed to slightly lift her from the melancholy that was weighing her down. By the time another hour passed, I was on another countless rotation through the party, checking drinks, comfort levels, and general satisfaction for the night.

I lose track of time while I talk to Ms. Tyson. She’s a terrifying but lovely woman who has all kinds of stories about Trevor growing up. She hands me a lemon head and pats my hand. “It helped me when I was younger and had some stomach issues.” When I ran off to vomit for the fifth time that day, she watched me go with a knowing look on her lined face. I don’t know how she knows, but that woman knows.