Page 22 of The Logic of Loyalty

I’m relieved and disappointed all at once. I needed the distraction. Now, I have to face everything sooner.

I hear him before I see him, as usual.

Jacob and I have been home for hours by the time the door opens, and my husband announces his presence. Today, he says, “Hello, my wonderful family! I’ve returned!” I freeze what I’m doing for a heartbeat before continuing to put away our leftovers. He missed dinner. We keep missing each other.

His steps bring him directly into the kitchen and to me. Just like he’s always done. I feel him move to pull me into him, his warm and comforting scent wrapping around me before his arms do. Just like he’s always done. Just the idea of the familiarity of this nightly ritual stings, and I back away before he makes contact. Like I’ve never done before.

I refused to see his expression. I don’t want to take in the confusion I’m confident is reflected there, and the thought makes me equally frustrated and hurt. He takes a tentative step toward me, and I take another step back. “Please, don’t.” I can’t have him touch me, but I crave the comfort of his arms. My body and mind are a mess of conflicting emotions.

“Paige?” And there’s the confusion and hurt in his voice I was trying to avoid. I can’t shoulder his pain with mine weighing me down so much. I release a sigh in an effort to loosen the tightness in my chest. I can’t continue feeling this way, so I decide to say it.

“We need to talk, Trevor.” His expression remains confused, and my frustration at this lack is infuriating.

“Okay, what’s going on, baby?” I tense at the term of endearment, but I turn away from him and continue putting everything away. He steps in to help me, but I put my hand out. “No.” I’m already struggling with untangling my riotous thoughts. I have no idea where to start. As if sensing my confusion, he asks a different question. “Where’s our boy?”

Easy answer. “Bed. He went up early.”

A beat of silence. Then, “Okay.”

More unusual awkward silence passes between us, and I hate every second of it. Yet, I take my time wiping down the counters and the stovetop while Trevor leans against the counters opposite me and fidgets. Finally, I let it out.

“I heard you. Today at the office.” I face away from him, hands braced on the side of the sink. He exhales, the sound loud in the sudden silence.

“I’m sorry, Paige, but I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Amazing how his stutter from earlier in the day has been forgotten.

“I mean, I heard you talking to Krista in your office with the door closed.”

I spin around to see Trevor standing with a furrowed brow. “You were eavesdropping? Seriously, Paige? It could have been a private meeting with a client.”

The audacity of this deflection. My calm disintegrates. “Oh, no, Trevor. Don’t you dare.” I hiss at him, now actively stalking him. “Don’t you fucking dare try to turn this on me.” He opens his mouth as if to object or say something equally as stupid. “There was one person disrespecting privacy at that moment, and it sure as hell was not me!”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” His voice drops. Trevor does not raise his voice.

“Of course you do! “Oh, woe is me. My wife is tired and ignoring me, and instead of going to her like a grown man and decent husband, I’m telling you, my young, attractive assistant, alone, in my office, with my fucking door closed!” I’m in his space now, my finger solidly stabbing him directly in the chest. I watch his face closely, but don’t see a flash of guilt I expected. Instead, I see humor.

“No. Baby, no. You got it all wrong.” He shakes his head and chuckles. Chuckles. Trevor must see the violence flowing through me and shooting out of my eyeballs because he reaches out and grasps my shoulders. “Paige, no. I swear to you, it wasn’t what it seemed.”

“She gets home, she barely has energy to get our boy settled before she’s asleep herself,” I quote back to him, word for word, as it is ingrained in my mind.

“Oh, no. Baby. It does sound awful like that.” He sounds sympathetic, murmuring at me like I’m a wounded animal. His grip tightens as I try to wrench myself away. “Honey. Baby, listen to me.” I shake my head in denial because this entire conversation sucks, and I hate it, and I hate him, but I don’t, and that sucks too. “Paige.” He shakes me a little, and I finally meet his beautiful gaze. “I was talking about why I look tired. I wasn’t complaining about you. I promise.”

“That sounds like a complaint to me.”

“It was meant to be an explanation.”

I scoff, then quote my second favorite part I overheard. “It feels like she’s drifting away from me.”

“Shit, I did say that, didn’t I?” he asks, the missing guilt from earlier now coating his voice. He closes the distance between us and gathers me into his arms. I reluctantly allow it, wanting to know what he has to say and desperately wanting to put this bump in the road behind us. “I realized I was getting off track and stopped as soon as it registered. I’m sorry, baby. I know it was crossing a line with that comment.” He nuzzles into my hair, like he’s always done, and this time, I let him.

“That was so not cool, Trevor.” I settle more fully into his arms and take in his comforting scent, my nose digging into his neck. He stiffens, then relaxes beneath me.

“I know. I swear to you, I don’t view her as the cliche young, attractive assistant. She’s just my assistant. My mother was giving me a hard time about how welcome Krista felt in the company. It’s easier to keep her happy. You know that.” His hands drift to my back and begin to rub up and down in gentle, teasing strokes.

I scowl at what he’s saying. His mother is impossible to keep happy. Krista is practically a replica of Kennedy Whitaker. Of course she wants them spending more time together. But … “Do Bobby and Krista work together?”

I lean back to see Trevor’s brow furrow. “Not in the way that Krista and I do, but we’re all in the same office.” He readjusts me until he grunts and lifts me to sit on top of the counter. I’m not sure I appreciate the grunt.

“Well, your sister is worried about Bobby’s fidelity.”