Page 16 of The Logic of Loyalty

“Baby.” I sigh and scoot past Krista to get closer to the perfect form of my wife, standing with a baby strapped to her chest and a mop-headed little boy standing next to her. The view makes my heart warm and twinge at the same time. Paige is such a perfect mother. I want her to have her own baby to cart around in her little kangaroo carrier.

Even on the strict regime of meds she’s been on, we still haven’t gotten the good news.

And that’s fine. Really. I should go in and get my sperm checked. Why haven’t I done that yet? Another way I’m letting her down.

“Honey? Did you hear me?”

I refocus to see Krista slowly packing up her lunch on my desk from the corner of my vision. Jacob enters the office and sits at the open desk chair, putting his feet up on the desk. This kid. “Krista, hey. You remember Paige, right? And you’ve met my boy?”

She smiles and nods to them. “Hey. Long time no see.”

My wife, the sweetest woman I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, nods once. “Krista, hello.” Then she turns back to me, concern lining her lovely face. What the hell?

Krista finishes and skirts past me, inadvertently brushing against my thighs. “Excuse me. I’ll get to work on those items right away, Trev.”

“Thanks, Krista.” I don’t break eye contact with my wife until my boy swaps seats, taking the one behind my desk. “You gonna work like Dad, kiddo? Have your own office?”

“Yup. And I’ll have lunch with the pretty girls every day in here, just like you do with her.” He raises his chin in the direction of Krista.

“Oh. Uh, well, yeah.” I look at Paige. Shit. “I mean, it’s even better when you get to have lunches with your gorgeous wife.” Foot, enter mouth.

“Oh.” He looks at me with a question in his eyes, and I know what it is before he opens his mouth. “So why don’t you?” Yep. That’s the one.

Regret, frustration, guilt, and discomfort fill me when I think about the answer. Because it’s easier. Because it keeps my mother off my back. Because Krista is good company and makes work bearable.

“I would rather have lunch with you all every day. If things were different, that’s exactly what I would do. I just can’t get away from work for lunch reliably anymore.”

“Well, sorry to interrupt your working lunch.” Paige steps into the office after me, all three of us crowded in the space. The baby, Cassian, gurgles in his carrier. He’s so small.

“Never be sorry, Paige. It’s never a bad time for my family.” She nods, but keeps her face averted from me. What did I do? Her shoulders rise and fall with an inhale, and she spins back to me.

“I love you, Trevor.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

My wife searches my face and shakes her head. “Well, we gotta go. See you when you get home.” She gestures for Jacob to follow her. He frowns for a second before letting out a visible and audible sigh.

“Wait, what’s the occasion?” Paige used to stop by all the time. Now, it’s usually when she needs something specific from me.

“Oh, no reason. Dropping by, running errands.” Jacob hugs me, and I brush a kiss on his forehead that he quickly wipes off. Paige leans into me, but she swerves at the last second and brushes her lips on my cheek. “Goodbye, Trev.” She swiftly exits the office, one hand draped over the shoulder of our boy.

“Bye, baby,” I call out. She doesn’t look back.

I watch as they disappear down the hall and down the steps. I feel like I’m missing something important. Vital.

Something is wrong.

Chapter Six

PAIGE

Earlier

I’ll tell Trevor at the Fourth of July party. It feels like a celebration, and telling him while the fireworks shoot off in the background sounds like a dream.

The Wells family—a family I’ve worked with for years—has a little girl named Abigail. I was originally supposed to watch her for five hours a day, Monday through Friday. A large chunk of that time, Jacob would be in different summer classes and camps. Mrs. Wells, the cornerstone of local gossip, has made it clear that she wants me to socialize her daughter with adults and children alike, so I make it a point to meet up with a couple of people each time I get her, and Abigail and Jacob get along alright. She’s young, so he’s mostly indifferent, while she enjoys pestering him. It was a comfortable schedule that gave me a ton of time to enjoy the summer with my son. However, when Caroline went back to work and then left, I had to sit down and sketch out a better schedule. Now, I watch Abigail three days a week.

Today, I had to come in early, and I am in desperate need of time with an adult I don’t work for.