Page 125 of The Logic of Loyalty

We sip until I need to ask. “Becky and Carter⁠—”

“It’s intense.” Trevor chuckles, shaking his head. “He’s so happy, then cranky at work. He’s hard up.”

I laugh. “Poor Billy, dealing with the two of you.”

“Yeah, he’s had to deal with a lot from us this year.”

I nudge him with my shoulder. “Yet, he still wants you two to take over the business with him.”

“He does.”

Trevor bounces his leg and turns to me, mouth open several times, then shocks me when he falls to his knees in front of me. “Uh, Trevor?”

He grasps my hands, his palms warm around my own. “Paige, I-I know we sorta talked about this, but—” He closes his eyes and drops his head. “Fuck, should I even ask you? The answer might kill me, but it won’t change things for me.”

“Ask me.”

He tilts his head back, and his devastated eyes meet mine. “Do you … Can you ever forgive me?” He drops his gaze, and his hands crush mine. I squeeze his equally hard in return. My star.

“Trevor, I—” How do I say this? “I wanted desperately to forgive you from the beginning.” My breath whooshes out of me at the admission. “I wanted to pretend that nothing happened, and that everything was a big misunderstanding. I wanted to fall into your arms and have you tell me everything—” I take a deep, shaky inhale. “Everything was going to be alright.” Tears prick my eyes, and I blink them away. “But I couldn’t do that. Not as a mother and not as someone with any self-respect.” He grunts and drops his eyes again, so I shake his hands. “I walked away because the information I did have was damning, and I wrapped myself in that hurt and used it like armor. Pregnant and unsure meant I had to get rid of the part of my life that was making me unsure. That was you, yes.”

“Okay, I understand. I do—” He makes like he’s going to stand back up, but I shake him again.

“I’m not done.”

He settles back down. “Yes, ma’am.”

A reluctant smile crosses my lips, but the topic chases it away again. “Then I learned more, the weeks we were apart. You gave me more space and information. More importantly, through your actions, you showed me all I needed to know to make a decision.”

“A decision?”

“Mmhmm.” I nod my head and fall to my knees in front of him. “The decision that you are still the man I fell in love with here.” I place my hand on his heart. “The one who sold his dream car to buy us a family car, and who gave up his home to make sure I had one.” I hiccup a sob and power through, staring at where my hand rests against his chest. “You’re the man who chose my health, physical and mental, over the growth of our family, but fought with me and for me when it was something I desperately wanted.”

“But I⁠—”

“Yes, you did. You made mistakes.” I dig my fingers into his shirt. “You started to drown because you forgot that the person you were drowning to protect also knows how to swim.”

A drop hits my arm, and I look up and into the overflowing eyes of my husband. “I’m so sorry I allowed another woman into our lives. That I gave too much to her and my parents, and kept too much from you.”

I place my hands over his mouth. “It’s infidelity. It’s dishonest. It’s ugly, and it’s over.” I remove my hand. “We’re done apologizing for it. I believe you’ve learned where you got lost. I trust that you won’t let it happen again. I forgive you for what you’ve done because of what you’ve done since then, before then, and what you’ll continue to do in the future.”

He sniffs and clears his throat. “And what is that?”

“You’re going to love and choose your family first.”

“Yes. God, yes. Always, Paige. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

“I know.” I do know. I reach up and wipe the tears running down his face. He chuckles, a humorless sound. “I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life.”

I cup his face in my hands. “You’re just a big softy.”

One side of his mouth tips up, but drops when he searches my eyes for something. “Do you—never mind.”

“What is it?” I tilt his head to see his torment again.

He blinks, uncertainty bleeding through him. “Do you think you could ever love me again?”

It pierces me like a dagger. I know I did what I needed to protect myself, but knowing the man I love desperately is not confident or sure of that love is achingly sad. “Oh, Trevor.” I throw myself at him and wrap my arms around his head. “Of course I love you. I love you with everything that I am. I loved you even when I thought I hated you, and I’m confident that I will love you for the rest of our lives.”