Page 71 of Entwined in Norway

‘It doesn’t mean I don’t love you,’ she said, standing up and reaching for his hand.

‘I know.’

He leant forward and kissed her. It was a lingering kiss that she thought meant everything was going to be okay, but then he was striding through the forest away from her almost before she’d opened her eyes. ‘Erik! Erik…’ A sob escaped from her at the same time, and his name was lost somewhere between her and him. And it didn’t feel to Ida as if he’d have stopped even if he’d heard.

Before she headed back to the hotel, she took a couple of minutes to gather herself. Deep breaths helped her sobs subside; then she wiped her cheeks with the bottom of her t-shirt. She was kneeling by the water, splashing it on her face to soothe the skin she knew would be red around her eyes, when Mats came along.

‘I saw Erik. So I guess the talk didn’t go so well?’ He pulled Ida into a hug.

‘I can’t ask him to stay for me. It’s too much.’

‘I know.’

‘Do you think he’s really leaving?’

‘Yes,’ Mats said gently. ‘He said he was checking out now.’

‘I need to talk to him,’ Ida said, a sense of urgency gripping her.

‘Hey. Wait. Don’t ask him to stay if that’s not what you want.’

‘I love him, Mats.’

‘I know, but what’s changed in the five minutes since he left you here? Something’s holding you back and you can’t ignore that. You can deal with it so you can move on, but you can’t brush over it and hope it won’t matter. I know you, Ida. If you didn’t ask him to stay, there’s a good reason.’

‘He’s already had his heart broken, Mats. If he stays and I help him mend it, that’s no good for him. I have so much grief inside me still, I’m not going to be able to do that. We’re no good for each other until we’re both in better places. And I think we have to do that for ourselves.’

‘You’re sure?’

A fresh tear ran down Ida’s cheek, but she nodded. It was the right thing to do.

Erik had checked out by the time Ida got back to the hotel. She ran upstairs to his room, desperate for something to connect her to him. Because knowing she’d done the right thing and feeling at peace with that wasn’t clicking into place for her.

His bed was made, and aside from the sheets being a little more rumpled than if housekeeping had made the bed, there was no sign of him. Ida lay on the bed and buried her face in the pillow, inhaling his scent. The image of him smiling sleepily at her as they’d woken here together only a couple of days ago came to her. She’d never have that again now. She’d ruined it. The only person who might ever have loved her, apart from her family. And all for the sake of not being able to tell him how badly she needed him.

Ida stirred when there was a knock at the door. Had she fallen asleep? She turned over and saw the door open and Emilie’s head appear.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine. I must have fallen asleep.’ If Emilie was here, it was past lunchtime, but the horror she ought to feel having unintentionally slept for a couple of hours was dulled by the ache in her chest, knowing that Erik wasn’t here anymore. It was a feeling she knew well. Was heartbreak the same as grief?

Emilie slipped inside and perched on the edge of the bed. ‘I spoke to Mats. Me and Magnus are going to cover for you so you can have some time off.’

‘I don’t need time off.’ The absolute worst thing she could imagine would be not to be busy. ‘I’m fine now. I just needed a moment.’

She sat up and shuffled off the end of the bed into the bathroom. The scent of a freshly showered Erik hit her as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked awful, and not because her eyes were still red from crying, but because the happiness she’d injected back into her life through working on the island and then from being with Erik was gone. It had physically drained from her body the moment Erik walked away from her in the woods.

‘Right, let’s get back to work,’ she said as brightly as she could.

Emilie looked at her dubiously. ‘Even if you took the rest of today…’

They headed downstairs together, and Ida sat behind the reception desk, trying to remember what her job was.

‘He left this for you.’ Emilie handed her an old brown envelope with faded, spidery writing on the front, and all Ida could do was walk straight out of the front door of the hotel and into the woods before she started crying again.

26

Erik wasn’t ready to tell his parents the entire story of what had happened in Norway yet because the whole legacy thing was so tangled up in everything he felt for Ida, and he couldn’t talk about that. So instead of heading straight back to Toronto, he went to his place in Banff. It was only the second time he’d been back since his accident. Last time it had hurt to be there on the sidelines of a life that used to be his, but now, that’s what he wanted. He wanted that to be the reason he hurt instead of that he’d lost Ida.