Page 66 of Entwined in Norway

‘I bet you could cross-country ski,’ Thea said.

Ida almost intervened and said she doubted he’d be able to when he’d had enough trouble climbing the steps in the garden at Loddefjord, but then she realised they’d been on a long hike yesterday and done the cycle ride today and Erik hadn’t mentioned that his leg was sore.

‘I guess I could try. It’s not that popular at home.’

‘You’ll just have to come back to Norway then,’ Thea said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘I’m sure I will.’ He looked at Ida as he said it, and she tried not to think about what he meant. Believing that he might come back was something she didn’t need. She wanted it to end well between them, but she needed to draw a line under things so that she could move on without another loss holding her back.

They said their goodbyes to Thea and strolled down the hill to the train station in the golden light of the evening. Erik took her hand and slid his fingers between hers. Every time he did felt like the first time. Like electricity. How was it possible that was still happening?

‘Why don’t you come back to mine tonight?’ she said.

‘You’re sure?’

She nodded. The letter was all she could think about now. They needed to talk, and they couldn’t do that at the hotel.

The train journey was beautiful. The sun cast its golden light on the lakes and mountains before they entered the long tunnel on the approach to Bergen, and Ida tried not to think of it as mirroring the last moments of her and Erik. These didn’t have to be the last moments. He wasn’t leaving yet, but she had a feeling that things would change once she knew the whole story.

Back in Bergen, they took the bus to Loddefjord.

‘Hei!’ she called out in case Mats and Lotta were in, but there was no answer and no sign that they were home.

‘It’s so quiet without everyone here,’ Erik said.

‘It was like this most of the time before Mats moved back, and when he and Lotta move out it’ll be like this again. It’s the right time for me to find somewhere else to live.’ The thought of being here alone again was something she hadn’t realised she was dreading until now. It would be like going back a year to the dark time between her parents dying and Mats moving back. It was only looking back that she recognised how lonely she’d been.

Somehow, in her own home, she didn’t think it would be the same. If she had somewhere to make into a home, like the yellow house she’d made the appointment to see, it would always feel like hers in a way this house never could. She’d be putting down her own roots instead of being entwined in someone else’s.

Erik sat at the table while Ida made them a drink. She would have liked to have a glass of wine in her hand for what was to come, but it was getting late and perhaps it was better to stick to soft drinks to help avoid any excess of emotion.

‘I want to ask you about your family research,’ she began.

‘Ida, I have wanted to tell you about it since I first got here.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘That’s not an answer, Erik.’

He sighed. ‘Because I feel like once you know, things will change between us. Once we knew each other, it was hard to find the right time.’

That’s what she had assumed. But it also meant her worst fears about what he might be about to reveal were probably correct.

‘This is the time.’

‘Okay. I wasn’t lying to you. I came here to research my family.’

There was suddenly so much to say that she needed Erik to hear before she heard his story. Before it was too late to have her Erik, the man she’d spent the past handful of days with, to tell.

‘Wait. Before you carry on, I have to say some things.’ She looked him right in the eye. ‘I’ve loved being with you. Every single moment has been amazing. You’ve taken me out of myself and made me see myself differently. I’ve found parts of myself that I’d thought were lost. And I feel ready to move on now, like I’m doing it for me, not because everyone else is ready and I have to go along with it.’

‘I’ve loved every moment too, Ida.’ He leant his elbows on the table, took her face in the palms of his hands, leant forward and kissed her.

It might have been the best kiss they’d shared, but Ida knew it was because it was the last kiss. She committed it to memory with all the others. With the images of him glistening with water as he emerged from the fjord. The way he slept so serenely, almost with a smile on his face these past few nights. The way he made her feel when she was in his arms, like she was always meant to be there. Him saluting her with a half-smile the first time they met.

Because now she had to distance herself. The real reason he hadn’t told her the story was that he knew it would drive them apart. And whatever he said next, she would always take the side of her family. She had to. But she would always be glad that she and Erik had this time together. That they had helped each other be a little less broken than when they’d met.