Page 113 of Play The Game

Harley’s fingers flex in mine, a reminder of how close we got to losing him far too recently at the hands of the Jackal. Avery gives me a soft look, knowing exactly what I’m thinking.

“Don’t be so harsh. Annabelle drugging Harley did a lot of damage. Lips is barely sleeping now, and she can’t make perfect decisions every time something happens,” she says, and Ash snorts at her.

“I’m not asking for perfect, I’m asking for trust. We all trust you, Mounty. With our lives. Why can’t you trust us with the same?”

Tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to cry. “And if he’d killed you, Ash? What would I do with myself then? Knowing that he did it for me. He thinks I belong to him, even with me telling him it’ll never happen, he doesn’t give a fuck about what I want.”

Ash slams the coffee cup on the table and stalks into the bathroom, closing the door quietly, though it sounds like a deafening bang in the silence of the room.

Harley squeezes my fingers again. “Just tell someone next time. I thought you were dead at the look on Ash’s face when Illi called.”

My gut squeezes again and I pull away, ready to grovel at the bathroom door until Ash forgives me.

The Jackal poisons fucking everything.

Harley stops me and directs me back to bed, undressing me and tucking me in as if I can’t do it myself. It’s only when I end up jammed between Harley and Blaise that I notice how badly I’m shaking. Maybe I wouldn’t have managed undressing.

Avery climbs into her bed, but the glow of her phone confirms she’s not planning on getting any rest. We’re all stuck in the limbo of what-ifs.

What if Luca wasn’t a plant?

What if I had woken them up?

What if I had died?

I startle awake hours later, having not even realized I’d fallen asleep, to Ash sleeping across the bottom of the bed. I’m penned in completely.

“I think he’s worried you’ll run off on him. He’s asked me to put a GPS tracker on your phone,” Avery murmurs, making me jump.

I look over and find her still tapping away on her phone. “I think I fucked up, Aves. I’m really fucking sorry.”

She nods and smiles at me. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. Ash will too, he’s just… worried.”

I fight back tears again and nod. When I’m sure I won’t cry, I carefully pull out from between the bodies and crawl over to Ash, curling myself around him. His eyes fly open the second I touch him but he relaxes back once I’m plastered to him, his arms wrapping me up tight as he kisses the top of my head.

“I’d rather you hate me for going alone than being dead. I’m sorry I worried you, but I’m not sure I’ll make a different decision next time. In my mind, I will always be expendable because… I’ve survived it all before. I can survive it again. I can’t face that stuff happening to you, and he wouldn’t torture you. He’d slit your throat and bleed you out in front of me. He told me that when he called me down to meet him.”

Ash nods but doesn’t speak. I don’t think he’s forgiven me, not even close, but I know we’ll be okay. At least until something else happens.

“Sorry to interrupt your little make-up session, but Atticus just informed me that we’ve been summoned by Senior. He’s told Atticus he knows about his… plans to keep us separated and he wants to meet with the Wolf,” whispers Avery, and I groan.

There are too many threats in our lives.

I need a week off.

THIRTY-SEVEN

Our midterm exams consume every waking moment for the next two weeks.

It’s a blessing really because no one has the chance to panic or argue about the Jackal’s impromptu visit, and Avery is so consumed by her studies that she trusts Atticus to put protective measures in place for our meeting with Senior, despite her rage at his deception.

Harley and Ash become so competitive that I ban them from talking about classwork around me. I can’t cope with the snarking and arguing at all, especially not with Blaise looking green the second they start quoting random lines from our literature readings to outdo each other.

I just need to get him through the exams.

He’s ready. I know he is. We’ve worked too goddamn hard this year, around all the fucking bullshit trying to kill us all, for him not to pass his exams now.

Avery refuses to let any of the guys stay in our room for the week, claiming they’re a distraction for me and bad for my sleep, and I don’t have the heart to tell her I sleep better when I know they’re all around me. I’m plagued by constant dreams of the Jackal, and what would have happened if I hadn’t snuck off by myself.