Page 32 of XOXO

“It wasn’t bad, but the bullying is still prevalent even though they say they are doing better,” I said thoughtfully, wondering what I should tell her. “Being an actor felt like a hindrance. In the first squad I was in, they did not like me because I was an actor. My superiors bullied me because of it, then some of the enlisted joined in too.”

“Men are such idiots. All this masculine energy and all they think to use it for is bullying,” she scoffed. “You're a better man than them, and they knew that.”

“Once I got transferred it got better. Working with the KATUSA wasn’t so bad, but I could feel the tension any time I was near certain people or superiors who thought badly of me, even if I did everything that was asked of me,” I sighed, trying not to tell her all the bad shit I saw happen. “The Americans and Koreans there didn’t care who I was, as long as I did my duty.”

The tension at the border was becoming more hostile, but that wasn’t something that was told to the public, and I didn’t know if she was ready for more truth than what I was giving her.

“Well, I’m glad you’re finally out,” she said, squeezing my hand. “I’m glad you're the only one I have to send for service, too.”

“I’m glad too,” I said. “Sending my brother would be awful.”

“Have you thought about talking to someone?”

I tried not to grimace, but it was hard. “No, I mean I wasn’t…it's not like I have PTSD.”

“You don’t have to go to war to have PTSD, Nae-saekki,” she sighed.

“I know that, but I just⁠—”

“Look, you didn’t go with Matteo and Levi to that music festival you always go to. I know you’re not telling me something, but please just think of talking to someone, even if it’s just to get the all-clear,” she said, turning towards me slightly. “I just want to make sure you are ok. Physically and mentally, it would make⁠—”

“I have an appointment in two weeks online with a woman who was referred to me by my agent. He suggested one appointment to see if I need it,” I said, exhaling harshly, hating when she pulled the ‘I care about you’ card.

“If you’re lying to me, Ruwon⁠—”

“I’m not.” I grabbed my phone looking for the email confirmation I had received. “See?”

She leaned forward, squinting as she looked at the phone. Even at thirty, my mom scared me a bit, hence the reason why I got on the plane.

“Good, it’s always good to talk to someone who isn’t related to you or is your best friend," she said, patting my shoulder. “And there is no shame in going back to her if you need it.

My phone rang.

“Ah, speak of the devils,” she said, as I turned the phone to see Levi’s name.

I couldn’t help but smile, but also felt bad for ditching them.

“Hey, Gomdori,” I said, switching to English.

“Hey, Ru. How's it going? Did you land in Italy already?” Levi said, as I heard faint music in the background.

“How the hell did you know I was flying in today?”

“There are no secrets, you know that,” he chuckled.

I sighed. “The gossip chain is faster than the news,” I said, looking at my mother.

“I was excited that my baby boy was finally coming to Italy,” she said in English.

“You know our parents can't keep anything from each other,” Matteo said. “Ciao, Mammina.”

“Hello, darling,” she said. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, it’s good. We just wanted to make sure Ru was ok and if he made it to Italy,” he said, making my mom melt.

“Oh, you and Levi are such good boys,” she said, looking at the phone fondly.

“Kiss-ass,” I murmured.