Page 19 of XOXO

I tried not to notice how close we were standing or how much he was touching me. Matteo had always been like this and it was one reason I could never move past this crush I had for him. He made it so fucking hard.

“She left a note,” I said, keeping my voice nonchalant.

Her note was very impersonal with her signing it XOXO except I would not say shit to Matteo. It was like he had taken an interest in my love life suddenly, making it seem like nothing would be good enough.

“What did she say? Thanks for a great fuck?” Matteo rolled his eyes. “Do you know enough about her?”

“Do you ever know enough about the women you sleep with?” I snapped, wondering what the hell was going on.

He opened his mouth, scowled and closed it, knowing he couldn’t say shit to me.

“Look, I appreciate the worry, but I am a big boy,” I said, stepping away from him. “If Vi only wants to have fun, I can handle that, it's not like I’m looking to get married and settle down.”

Matteo’s intense stare usually held me captive, but today something felt off. Things had been feeling off for months and I thought I was the reason for it. Pulling away from Matteo felt like a stab to the heart, and even though it strained our relationship, I was afraid what would happen to me if I didn’t.

“I know you can handle yourself,” he said confidently. “It’s just dating now is so much⁠—”

“I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be fine,” I said, needing to get out of here, the distance I was creating was killing me. “I’ll see you later, ok?”

I clapped his shoulder while grabbing my wallet.

“Don’t forget cologne,” he said, grabbing my favorite one. “If you need me I’ll be here.”

He smiled mutedly, nothing like the big carefree smiles he always gave me.

“Thanks, have fun having the condo to yourself,” I said, leaving before I took pity on him and stayed.

It would be so easy to stay, spend some much needed time with him, but I couldn’t. I had already lost so many years being in love with him and if I didn’t choose myself now, I never would.

“Levi, this was amazing.” Vi leaned back rubbing her stomach.

“I’m impressed you ate so much,” I said, leaning my forearms on the table, admiring her.

Vi was such a pleasant surprise. I enjoyed her company so much and I know it was only the second time we had met up, but things felt different with her.

“How could I not? This Japanese and French fusion was unbelievable,” she sighed. “The best meal I’ve had…ever.”

“Good, you said you love Japanese food so I was hoping this would be a hit.” I grabbed my Sapporo, finishing it.

“I love that you remember small details,” she said softly. “You’re kind of amazing. I’m honestly wondering why you are single?”

I shrugged, not loving where this question was going. “I’ve prioritized work a lot the past few years. I travel a lot. Before that, it was school and I figured someone would come along when the time was right.”

The lie I made up felt disgusting, but if I told her I was in love with my best friend, I didn’t think that would go over well.

“I think you’re right, sometimes it’s about being at the right place at the right time,” she said, as she looked lost in thought. “Things happen for a reason, right?”

“I’d like to think so,” I said, studying her, wondering what was going on in that beautiful head of hers.

She shook her head, looking at me with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Sorry, apparently after amazing food, I contemplate the meaning of life,” she chuckled, her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink.

“I love a good talk about the meaning of life,” I smiled, hoping to ease her embarrassment.

“Now is not the time, we’ve just had the most amazing food and the present company is fucking fantastic,” she grinned, drinking the last of her beer.

I tried not to blush from her praise, but it was hard not to admire how beautiful she was and how she was making me feel.