Page 121 of XOXO

I felt like I was falling, like in one of those notorious dreams, except I really was until my back and head hit the ground.

“What the hell?” I groaned, looking up at Levi.

“Matteo, what the fuck?” He knelt next to me.

I groaned, my head spinning as I sat up.

“Why were you sitting in front of my room at five in the morning?”

“I didn’t want to leave you alone,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

The silence that came from him was painful, it was like we were at square one again in our relationship pre-Violeta, before she helped us. I looked up at him, needing to fix things between us; it hurt just as much as losing Vi. His lip trembled as he sat down, pulling his legs up, hugging them against his chest.

“Cuore Mio,” I said, facing him. “I’m sorry. Fear made me go with the wrong choice. I was afraid of what could happen to all of us and denial forced me into that decision. It’s only been a few months, how…how could we risk everything for her?”

“Are you seriously trying to placate me again?” he glared, his face wet with tears.

“No,” I sighed, running my hand over my face. “I’m here to say I should have gone with my first instinct to protect all of us. Not just you and Ru.”

He looked up at me quickly. “What do you mean?”

“It means that I should have fought for her too. I let her take the burden of her ex’s actions solely on her shoulders and I fucking regret it. I don’t know what to do to make that right now.”

Levi’s eyes searched my face quickly. “What made you realize this?”

“Last night as I was looking for you outside⁠—’

“Oh, I came in as you were talking to Ru’s asshole agent,” he said quickly.

“Yeah, I figured that out after spending an hour outside,” I chuckled.

He sheepishly shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, looking for you gave me time to think, how much we kept running into Vi and how the universe kept putting us in each other's paths,” I said, rolling my neck side to side. “I’m an idiot to think this might have been just a fling, even if I had been feeling like this relationship with my best friend and this beautiful woman had felt more right each day we were together.”

Levi cried more.

“Hey, shit. I didn’t mean to make you cry more,” I said, pulling him towards me.

Hugging him at this awkward angle hurt my back. I pulled him closer, laying us down with his head on my shoulder.

“You feel it too?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I think I've always felt it even when I wasn’t a big fan of hers,” I said, remembering those first days.

“I think she’s perfect for us and we are perfect for her,” he sighed. “After what she’s been through with that asshole, I want her to be spoiled for the rest of her life. I want her to realize that she deserves everything and more. She is worth more than her parents think she is. She is everything.”

I held him tighter, my sweet, emotional love of my life. My mind reeled at the realization I had just come to. Levi, Ruwon and Violeta were the loves of my life. There was no doubt about it. I would do anything for these people. I might not love Ruwon romantically, but my love for him wasn’t any less, just different.

“You ok there?” Levi sat up a little to look down, worry in his gaze.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice thick from emotion. “Yeah, I’m fucking perfect. All I need is to fix what I let happen and⁠—”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” he said, cupping my cheek. “Her asshole ex is the reason for this. He knew she wouldn’t go back willingly and stooped fucking low to get her back.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do anything about⁠—”

Levi kissed me, shutting me up instantly. It was short and sweet enough to do its job.