Page 61 of Then We Shatter

Our kiss is voracious. We consume each other as I twist us around, bringing her inside the stall and pressing my back to the door to close it. Her guard dog won’t let anyone else into the restroom, but it doesn’t mean Danyl won’t poke his head in if I keep Katarina too long. Our final goodbye has to be standing over a fucking toilet and I hate it. I hate that her name condemns her to a life hiding from her uncle, and my name condemns me to living apart from the woman I…

“I fucking love you, you mad, crazy bitch,” I say, peppering my declaration with expletives so it doesn’t sound like I’ve completely lost my mind. Which I have.

“Don’t say things like that. Not now,” she pants.

“Why? Because you might just tolerate me too?” I ask, knowing she’ll claw her way out of the stall if I make her use the L word.

“Because it already hurts, Killian. It hurts too much,” she says, voice cracking. “You have to let me go.”

“Until when?” I demand.

“Until forever.”

I shake my head, my lips cutting a thin line. “Sorry. Never going to accept that. Give me a timeline, Kitty. Give me a goal. You want Vasili dead? I’ll hunt him down and kill him.”

“Do you think others haven’t tried before you? Do you think I haven’t tried? And I will try again, but it could take years. We can’t do that to each other. Let. Me. Go.”

I stroke her cheek with my thumb, tracing invisible tears she’s learned not to shed. “Only if you promise you’ll come back to me one day. Because if you don’t…”

“You’ll what, Shorty?”

“I’ll go to the ends of the earth searching for you. Or I’ll just ask Ash.”

“He wouldn’t tell you.”

She might be right, but I’d wear him down eventually.

“And even if he did tell you,” she continues. “What would you do if you found me? We’d be back in the same position we’re in now. Our families would put a price on both our heads.”

This is a circular argument we’ve had too many times, but I won’t stop searching for an answer that doesn’t end with us being apart. “Then I’d stay in hiding with you. Sounds like heaven to me.”

There’s a flicker of light behind her eyes that suggests she’d gladly join me, but she snuffs it out with her next words. “You’re your father’s heir. You don’t get to walk away from that.”

My scalp itches from the weight of the crown I never wanted. “I always wondered what it would be like to choose a different path. Maybe…”

Katarina takes my hand so she can kiss my palm. “It might be a dream you’ve harbored, but it’s one you’ve never acted on, and you never will. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m never wrong, zhizn moya.”

The Russian phrase isn’t one I’ve heard her say before and I commit it to memory as she rests her cheek against my palm and closes her eyes. “I will miss you,” she whispers. “Every day for the rest of my life.”

“Look at me, Kitty.” When she peels her eyes open, I want to repeat everything I’ve said and more, but time is never on our fucking side. “I love you. This isn’t over. Don’t you ever forget that.”

When she opens her mouth to shoot me down again, I clamp my mouth over hers. We kiss like it’s our last, which it isn’t. Not a chance. Not happening.

I trail my tongue along her lower lip then push deeper until it tangles with hers. I savor her taste, her smell. Rich chocolate and roasted coffee beans. Dark, bitter and utterly addictive.

She pulls away before I do. “I need to go before Danyl comes in here looking for me. There’s been an alert that you’re in the area.”

My brow creases. “That’s not possible. No one even knows I’m in Chicago.” I’ve been a practical prisoner in my apartment except for the times my alter-ego has visited the beauty salon.

“We’re never going to be as careful as we need to be. No more risks. Please Killian. This is the last time.”

“Sure it is, Kitty,” I say and kiss her again, swallowing her sob. My hands slide up and down her body, craving her more with each tick of the clock counting down our time together. I want to do more than kiss her, but I’ll be damned if our last fuck is in a public restroom. There will be no lasts, certainly not over a toilet.

It kills me to let Katarina go and I regret it the second the restroom door closes behind her. I barely contain the fury building inside me, and later, when I finally escape the restaurant, I search for a potential target to unleash my wrath.