Page 26 of Then We Shatter

The real Katarina is slowly being revealed to me, layer by layer. She’s hesitant. Vulnerable. “Talk to me, Kitty.”

Her features harden with annoyance. “You’re making me care, Killian, and I don’t like it.”

I like it a lot. “Are you trying to say you have feelings for me?”

“Not you,” she says with a scowl that softens when she adds, “Not just you. I’m talking about the people who are mad enough to want to help me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt if this all goes wrong.”

“Don’t you be worrying about the Griffins, Ash and the lads can handle themselves just fine.”

“Maybe, but what about Duke?”

“That big fucker? He can take it.”

She shakes her head. “Vasili’s insisting we set a date for the wedding, and it won’t be long before he starts applying more pressure. Duke might be otherwise unattached, but he’s still putting his life on hold because of me. Because of you,” she adds. “I don’t want him to get caught in the crossfire.”

“If Vasili threatens Duke, the Griffins can protect him,” I insist. Katarina looks unconvinced and with good reason. In our world there’s no such thing as complete protection. “Sure, there are risks, but we deserve more time together.”

“Do we?” she asks, brow furrowing. “We’re not good people, Killian. We might do the occasional good deed, but we expect favors in return. We’re not even the heroes in our own stories.”

I rub a hand over my face. “I won’t deny I’ve done bad things, but I’m trying to do better. Mostly,” I say, falling short of defending a way of life that’s largely indefensible. “The legitimate side of the family business is thriving and one day, it might be all we do. Maybe not in Dad’s lifetime, or mine for that matter, but I have hope for future generations.”

“You want kids?”

I shift under the intensity of her scrutiny. Whose bright idea was it to have a deep and meaningful conversation? I chew my lip. Do I want kids?

I’m proud to be a McConkey, but being a mafia heir isn’t just a birthright, it’s a life sentence. Would I bring an innocent child into the world to carry the same burden?

“I thought I wanted them, once.”

She leans in. “What changed your mind?”

A shadow falls across the already-darkened room. “Losing someone important to me.”

“Your mom?”

I reach for Katarina’s hand and thread my fingers through hers. “That guy I said we’re hunting. Ignacio Valera. He killed our mother and held Lorcan hostage for more time than was good for him,” I explain. It’s an overly simplified version of a chapter in my family’s life that continues to affect us all, Lorcan most obviously, but we all carry scars.

“My family were gunned down too,” replies Katarina. “By my uncle and half-brother. Happy families.”

“In our game, we’ll always be at war with someone. And if I had kids…” I shake my head to free my mind of the image of babies with dark raven hair. “It’d be like carving out a piece of my heart and having it beat in a fragile little body. My nerves wouldn’t take it. It’s bad enough that I worry about my brothers.”

“Children would be a nightmare,” Katarina agrees. “I never saw the appeal myself. All that snot and slobber. They’re little monsters.”

I lift her hand and press her fingers to my lips. “We would make beautiful babies though.” I can’t get that picture out of my head.

Katarina’s glare would make a lesser man recoil. “We weren’t talking about our babies. There is no us.”

“Sure, Kitty. Whatever you say.”

Her glower intensifies, but something must break inside her because I hear it in her voice. “I like this little dream world you’ve built around us, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it could ever be real. I don’t want it to be real,” she says. She blinks hard. “I thought I’d made myself clear back at the compound. Bad things happen to people I care about. I don’t want you to be one of them.”

“What the fuck happened to you there?” I ask as I trace my lips over her pulse point. Her heartbeat ticks up when I add, “Tell me about the camp commander.”

Chapter 10

Katarina

Now