Page 96 of Sinners Reunion

“Wait a minute,” Frankie says, and I nod.

“I was part of Jim’s experiment, though I didn’t know it was Jim’s until recently. He collected a group of suicidal individuals and put us through some weird brand of therapy. That’s where I met King. He took me out of there and taught me his brand of therapy, and that clicked.”

“Murdering pedophiles and rapists really is the most healing thing you can do,” Quinn says, and the others agree.

“Please tell me he helped you hunt down the asshole who hurt you,” Kindra says as she pulls a marshmallow from the fire.

I look down at my hands. “He did. We killed him and bathed in his blood. It was probably the most romantic evening I’ve ever shared with someone.”

The girls swoon, fanning their faces and leaning on each other.

“But that brings me to what I wanted to discuss with you ladies,” I continue. “King helped me cope with a lot of the trauma I experienced, but I’ve had a coping mechanism of my own for a long time. I’ve held on to it for so long that I’m not sure if it’s a bulletproof vest or a security blanket at this point. I wanted to tell all of you and let you make sense of it for me.”

The girls shift on their logs, all of them positioning to face me fully. I’m touched that they’re taking this so seriously. It makes me feel safe enough to tell the rest of it.

“That boy took my virginity. He took everything from me. He forced himself on me in every way but one.” I take a deep breath. This is it. “He never kissed me.”

The pieces fall together for them, and Kindra gives me a knowing look. “King was your first kiss, and that’s why you’re so hung up on him?”

“Close,” I say. “I’ve never been kissed, and I refuse to kiss a man until I know he’s the one. It’s the one thing that wasn’t stolen, and it’s the only thing I have left to give. At least . . . that’s what I’ve always told myself. Now I’m questioning if that’s silly.”

“Not at all, honey,” Eve says with another reassuring pat of my leg. “That makes perfect sense to me.”

“Me too,” Quinn says with a solemn nod. “I think it’s beautiful that you’ve protected part of yourself for so long. It’s the furthest thing from silly!”

The other women agree, and I’m faced with a possibility I never considered: complete acceptance. Tears fill my eyes, and I can’t fight them back. I expected them to poke fun or at least share a few side-eyes, but the way they’re all looking at me, as if I’ve done some brave thing, makes me feel so far removed from bravery. I feel weak and vulnerable.

“Does King know why you won’t kiss?” Cat asks. She bites into a s’more and sends a blotch of chocolate onto her chin. She swipes it off and licks her fingers clean, pausing as a thought hits her. “Are you thinking of making him your first?”

“No, and definitely not,” I say with a wrinkle of my nose. “I want the first person I kiss to be the last person I kiss, and we all know he’s a rolling stone. If I try to tie him down, he’ll just drag me through the mud.”

The girls nod and mutter their agreement.

“I’m thinking about telling him, though.”

The muttering stops.

“Do you think that’s a bad idea?” I look around at them, and they look everywhere but at me. “I guess that’s my answer.”

“No, that’s just it,” Frankie says. “At first, we didn’t think he’d be good for you. We worried he’d just break your heart again. But now . . . we’re kind of worried about the opposite.”

“What?” My head rears back. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Quinn motions toward the RVs. “I don’t know the man as well as the other girls, but I noticed a change in him from the start of the trip. He’s smiling. That’s fucking weird.”

“And laughing,” Cat adds. “Also weird.”

“That wasn’t enough for us three at first,” Kindra says as she motions between herself, Eve, and Frankie, “but it’s pretty undeniable now. He’s smitten.”

“I don’t know about all that,” I say. “I mean, yeah, he enjoys spending time with me, and the sex is exceptional, but let’s not forget that he let Blayne shoot me in the fucking arm. That doesn’t exactly scream fondness.”

“If it came down to it, if it really came down to it, he’d go through fire to save you.” Frankie shakes her head. “I can’t say how I know. It’s just a feeling. After working with him for so long, I should know best. He’s got it bad, Josie, and I don’t care what he says to the contrary.”

“Or what you say to the contrary,” Kindra adds.

Eve stands and places her toasting stick beside our log, then stretches her back. “Just accept it. He’s got it bad, and so do you. Oh, don’t try to deny it. Even if we didn’t see the way you look at him like he hung the moon, we hear you screaming about it from your RV mattress.”

My proximity to the fire has nothing to do with how hot my cheeks are right now. “So you guys think I should tell him about my reasoning behind no kissing? But what if he thinks it’s stupid?”