Page 120 of Sinners Reunion

“Hindsight.” I scratch my ear and prepare to accept defeat. I’ve lost her. “We made a lot of mistakes, but we’ve tried to make all of them right. The biggest mistake of all was not being there for my children, and this is the last chance I have to fix it. If I can’t . . . I’ll make it right by sacrificing myself to give them the closure they need.”

She pushes her hand a little closer to mine on the bed. Our fingertips don’t quite touch, but at least she’s moving in the right direction. Maybe all isn’t lost yet.

“So you just planned all these trips to try to make them like you again? Ever heard of, I don’t know, grabbing a ball and glove and playing a game of catch?”

“Initially, I wanted them to find their siblings the way Jim and I did so that they’d at least have each other.” I close my eyes. “And then the goal post shifted, and I wanted to be part of that too. Jim could sense it, and he sucked me in. Next thing I knew, we were bringing out the decommissioned simulator and plotting ways to facilitate a reconciliation.”

“I’ve heard about that thing. Quinn said you destroyed it when you caught her and Aven making more porn.”

“We did. For good this time. Like the memory alterations, it wasn’t quite what we hoped it would be at the end of the day.”

“Hindsight,” she says.

“Yes. Precisely.” I lie back on the bed and drape my forearm over my eyes. “Sometimes you can have good intentions that produce bad results. We’ve made mistakes, but we want to fix them.”

She turns toward me. “So come clean, dude. Stop the lies and the games. You can’t manipulate them into loving you any more than you can manipulate me into loving you.”

I’m glad she can’t see my eyes behind my arm. She’d see my heart shattering as she declares one of my greatest fears—that I’ve lost any chance of possessing her heart. I was entirely too hopeful.

Which means I’ve been entirely too hopeful about my children as well.

Jim was right. I lost sight of things, and now I’ve stumbled through the fog and off a cliff. There’s no point telling her my feelings for her now. I’ve bungled it properly.

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you again,” I say. I pull my arm off my face. “It was never my intention. I’m an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot, all right.” She sighs and pulls a pillow into her lap. “I can’t say that I forgive you right now. But I also can’t say that I don’t think I ever can. I just need some time to process this.”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll be dead in a few days, though.” I scoff. “A well-deserved death at that.”

“Do not start throwing yourself a pity party, Captain Cocksure. No one feels sorry for you.” Her fingertips brush over my forehead, soft and unsure. She pulls away. “I don’t agree with some of the shit you’ve done. But I believe you want to make it right. And I want to help you.”

“Not sure how you’ll do that.”

She smiles and pats my leg. “You just leave that to me. For now, we need to get some sleep. We have an elopement to stop tomorrow.”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Josie

The fleet of RVs rolls into the campground outside of Vegas shortly after ten at night. Campground is too generous. This is more like a really large parking lot with a few sewage outlets. It’s the most dismal place we’ve stayed yet.

We won’t be staying here long, though. We’re off for a night on the town as soon as we’ve gone to the showers and freshened up.

Before we set off, King filled in Jim, who then had a mild panic attack and fainted once or twice. When King explained that I wanted to help them, he grew less pale.

My brain still hasn’t fully wrapped itself around the explanation I was given, and even if I could understand, I like to think I would have made some different choices if I’d been in their shoes. Still, the truth wasn’t as horrendous as the assumptions I made. The conclusions I jumped to helped the truth land a little softer, if I’m being honest. I’m almost glad I thought the worst and hurt my own feelings.

“Wasn’t there something you wanted to tell me?” King says as he puts the RV in park. “Something you said we could talk about once I was sober?”

I’d forgotten about that, and I’d like it if he could do the same.

Silence settles like smoke, and I can’t draw a breath. I look down at my lap and pick at the side of my thumb until it hurts. Because suddenly, that secret I had doesn’t seem so big. Or important. It also doesn’t seem possible anymore. If we can’t convince the Carter kids that their father is worth a second chance, King won’t be here for my forever. I’m not kissing him if he’s just taking off again, even if it’s out of his hands.

While the beginning of a plan has formed in my mind, there’s no guarantee it will net any results. It’s probably more likely to blow up in my face, which is why I haven’t revealed anything to King. If he knew what could happen tonight, he’d cuff my ass to this RV for the rest of the trip.

But if it works? It just might tip the odds in our favor, and what better place to play the odds than Vegas?

The RV seat squeaks as he leans closer and takes my chin in his hand. He tilts my face toward his. “Hey, you don’t have to talk about it. I’m not trying to kiss you, if that’s your fear. I merely thought that, in consideration of reciprocity and sharing, you might want to hand over your big secret since I handed over mine.”