Page 50 of Mountain Men’s Nanny

My worry stemmed from guilt. I already knew Lexi would be okay. Her fever would break soon, and she would feel a little out of it the next day. But she would be back to her normal, energetic self in no time.

Gideon put her down on her bed, and for a few seconds, we all just stood around watching her fall back asleep.

“I’m not leaving,” Gunner declared, sitting down on the armchair near Lexi’s bed.

“Neither am I,” Gideon said, lying down on the floor. “In case she needs water or wakes up or something,” he added, as if he needed to justify staying or maybe mask his guilt and his fear.

“Fine, we’ll take shifts,” Tobias agreed. He leaned down and kissed Lexi on the forehead, then led me out of the bedroom.

We stood in the hallway for a moment, staring out into nothing. We had a lot to talk about, but I didn’t want to go near any of it. Not our complicated connection, not what happened to Lexi, and definitely not the possibility of my having to leave. I was exhausted. The day had taken everything out of me, and even though I didn’t want to talk, I was terrified of what Tobias might say next. I wanted to be where I was.

“Can we talk?” he asked cautiously.

I sighed heavily, even though I didn’t mean to, and nodded.

“Don’t hold our last conversation against me,” Tobias laughed. “I promise I won’t ask any questions, and I’ll probably do most of the talking.”

I followed Tobias down to a side of the cabin I had never been in before. The main bedroom was bigger than the other rooms I had been in, but the furnishings were the same. Sparse, minimalistic. There were two wing chairs and a small table by the window. I imagined that on some nights Tobias would sit at this table and look at the moon, or watch the sun come up in the morning. But the room was like Tobias. It didn’t say much about who he was or what he liked. The only picture framed on his bedside table was of Lexi.

I sat in one of the chairs and fiddled with my fingers. Tobias had laughed when he led me to his bedroom, but I couldn’t read him well enough to know what was coming next.

“I’m a guarded guy, I know. It’s hard to get to know me, and the truth is, it has been intentional,” he said.

Tobias was nervous. I had seen him angry, anxious, afraid, happy, and even a little excited before. I had never imagined I would ever see him nervous. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just nodded.

“I want you to know me,” he reached for my hand and held it lightly in his. “I don’t talk about my past much, because it hurts.”

Pain flickered across his face. It was still real, still heavy, whatever he had left behind to come live in the middle of nowhere had followed him somehow. It was in the room with us like a ghost, making the air feel most unwelcome.

I wanted to make it better for him and carry some of his load.

“You can talk to me,” I whispered.

Tobias bit his lip, wrestling with a thought, working out how he would begin to drop his mask and let me see him. I was already looking at him differently. He was unsure and vulnerable, and I was searching for words too. I wanted him to know that it was safe, but again, all I could do was nod.

“I came here to get away from my memories. You must think I’m pathetic,” he laughed sadly.

“No,” I smiled, putting my hand over his. “I came here to do the exact same thing.”

It was his turn to nod. I hadn’t explained why I had left my life behind, and he had never asked. I had applied for a job, and he had liked my qualifications, which was the end of it. I hadn’t really pried into why he was here either. I wondered why a man and his child would live out in the woods with a bodyguard and a mountain man, but the right time to ask had never come until it didn’t matter anymore. Or at least I thought it didn’t matter anymore.

“I really thought I could protect Lexi out here. I thought she would be safe, life would be simple, but then…” He sighed, straightened his back, and ran a hand through his hair.

“When Lexi’s mother died, I thought we had everything. We worked hard, made more money than I could ever spend. I thought we were secure. We had Lexi. It was perfect.”

Except, the shadow that had just crept into his eyes told me it wasn’t. That this perfect story had a not-so-perfect ending. I didn’t have the heart to break the silence he used to muster the will to speak again. Just waited patiently, with my hand in his.

“We went skiing.” His tone was impossibly soft. “We had done that dozens of times. That last time, we were happy to get away from work and let our hair down. Have some fun. She was brilliant. A real ripper. Better at it than I was.”

The sad smile that curled on his lips almost broke my heart. I dropped my gaze into my lap to avoid having to stare at it for too long.

“She went down a black diamond slope as a dare,” he went on. “I stood there watching, like I usually did. I wasn’t even worried about her. I mean, not even a little.”

He closed his eyes, and I knew in his mind he was right there, watching it happen all over again.

“Some idiot came hurtling down the slopes. He was going too fast, didn’t know what he was doing,” he explained, the pain of it dulling the edges of his words. “I just stood there like a chump with his hands and legs cut off. Couldn’t make it down until after he had hit her. She fell. God, there were so many trees. I didn’t remember there being so many trees.”

I clasped his hand tightly. “Tobias—”