Page 56 of Tethered Fates

“Wouldn’t it be so much easier if the ancient bastard just died?”

“If only.”

I sober, saying, “But if it’s led to us finding our soulmates…”

“I’m no saint and care little that he’s ruined some lives to get us here. But…” Lucero sighs. “I hate the idea of knowing Golden’s life could’ve been different.”

We leave behind clubs and restaurants and travel into quieter streets. “Do you mean better? Without you?”

From the corner of my eye, I can see the deep blue in Lucero’s hard gaze, while the hum of my engine fills the quiet space between us.

“Vampirism has been difficult for him,” Lucero explains slowly, not through gritted teeth but with an amount of force. “Golden doesn’t regret it, and I believe him when he tells me. But this change has been challenging.” Lucero heaves out a long breath. “So if Bran did something that resulted in Golden’s life being what it was, that would be unforgivable.”

“And he wouldn’t even care.”

Lucero makes a sound of amused frustration. “I tried to ask Bran what exactly he did to bring our soulmates so close, but he left as quickly as he arrived.”

I hold back on my bitterness that at least Lucero gets to have his soulmate. I know part of their story, and it was no easy journey. So while Teagan has pushed me away, he’s also allowed me close. “This whole thing is a fucking mess.”

“Isn’t that the theme of this family?” Lucero mocks.

Headlights and street lamps shine through the window, while six hundred years of unspoken things prick at us both. But the most recent slices in the deepest.

It’d be easier to hide from these hurts, but watching Teagan paint makes me want to uncover what is covered. Even if that means exposing something vulnerable.

“When Vidar was sinking deeper into his apathy,” I say, my voice coming out strained, “why didn’t you leave with me as I asked?”

Lucero doesn’t shift. His breathing remains steady. But I know my brother well, and he is anything but calm. “Someone had to take responsibility—”

“Yes!” I snap, my anger a sudden flash I wasn’t expecting. “Yes, Luc. Vidar. Vidar claimed us as family. He wanted the burden of responsibility.”

“Depression was eating him alive,” Luc growls, and in my peripheral vision, his shoulders tense. “He was a wreck.”

“So were you!” I hiss out a breath, trying to cool this heat now that I’ve let it flare. “So was Rurik. But we both know our brother was never going to leave that sinking ship, too ready to go down with it. But you…”

For centuries, it’d been Vidar, Lucero, Rurik and me. Sometimes Bran, but often not. But Luc and I were always close. So when the cracks in our family finally splintered, a naive part of me believed he and I would turn our backs on the destruction.

“But Ramy,” Lucero counters sharply. “You left for a job, one in which I assumed you’d be returning from, then Vidar made Ramy. I called you for help, do you remember? But instead you told me you’re never coming back and want me to leave with you.”

“Okay, I can admit that wasn’t my finest moment.”

“No,” Lucero growls. “You’d been gone three days, and within the first twenty-four hours, our Maker, who was losing himself, left the house only to return with a lonely boy, barely out of his fucking teens, and he was already a vampire. And Vidar, in his shattering mind, was convinced that that lonely child would save him.”

I squeeze the wheel. “I didn’t know—”

“You didn’t want to!” Lucero barks. “I couldn’t leave Ramy. I couldn’t leave Rurik to kill himself because of his dead soulmate. I couldn’t leave Vidar in that state of…” Luc’s fist slams into the door. “It was madness, Sen!”

“But did staying help?” I bite out, not angry at Luc. Just plain angry.

“Did leaving?”

The car fills with our heavy breathing.

For once, I don’t know what to say. I want to find the right words that’ll fix all these cracks, offer a blanket apology or explanation and move on like the years never happened. But these hurts run bedrock deep.

“I failed you by leaving,” I admit, though it’s like pulling teeth. “But I would’ve failed myself by staying. I couldn’t continue to live that way. You were sinking into apathy, too, and watching you, Rurik and Vidar flounder was…” I swallow. “No matter how much I loved you all, I couldn’t allow myself to drown with you.”

I continue to drive, and we both stay silent. I don’t know where we stand from here, and I don’t know if opening myself up helped or widened the cracks.