Page 53 of Tethered Fates

I open my mouth, find all the things I want to say, then heave them to the surface letter by letter. “There’s just been a lot of…change.”

I pause retwisting Kai’s hair to stare at the dry paint coating my knuckles, shiny with jojoba oil.

“And uni fucking sucked…” I tack on in the smallest whisper.

Kai tries to turn, but I make him stay put and pick up another braid to get back to work. The whole time, I feel the heat of Kai’s gaze, wanting to burn away all the bullshit and expose my ugly truth.

Kai once told me loving someone was like falling and hoping that person will catch you. But I don’t need hope with Kai. I’ve always known.

“There, I guess…” I trail off. Sigh. Then start again, “At uni I slept around a lot. Like a lot.”

“Yeah, mate.” I hear the eyeroll, but no judgment, in Kai’s voice. “I know.”

“There was this guy. Carter. We were friends, then I found out I fucked his ex. But like, who cares? Carter was sleeping around, too. It’s art school, everyone was fucking.”

I swallow, let loose a shaky breath.

“Carter was always kinda mean, but in that fun way. Or I just didn’t realise it wasn’t fun until he’d make comments on everything. I. Fucking. Did.”

I oil Kai’s scalp. Stroke gel into his braid. Twist. Repeat. Feel the weight of Kai’s attention, his love. It isn’t a scary, suffocating thing, but a soft place to land.

“Everyone I thought was my friend started joining in. Slurs are funny, right? Doesn’t matter that I’m queer and he’s queer—and everyone else was kinda queer—as long as it gets a laugh…” I tsk, biting back the tears burning behind my eyes. I don’t tell Kai about the pink room. I’m still too raw after exposing that hurt to Sen.

“That fucking cunt,” Kai spits.

“Yeah. Fucking cunt,” I choke out, voice wobbling.

The words become too heavy again, and I go back to focusing on my brother. This helps me stay focused, stay present and inside my body when it’d be so easy to slip away.

“So I left uni because he and his dickhead friends weren’t actually my friends. I felt lied to, betrayed. Then I get home, and everything is different, and you’re now with a guy who hurt you…” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “And you’re keeping…secrets…and those secrets felt like lies…”

Kai is up, the chair shoved aside so he can envelop me in his arms. I drop the comb onto the carpet and hug him back, burying my face into his floppy bunny-ear bunch of hair.

“You know, when you met Sen and everything just clicked?” Kai asks.

I nod. Sniffle. Rub the next tear that comes out into Kai’s shoulder. “Because he’s my soulmate.”

“Because he’s your soulmate,” Kai agrees so softly, then adds, “And Vidar is mine.” The words leave him as if he can’t believe he lucked out, when Vidar should be the lucky one. “But Vidar thought he was straight and we couldn’t be together.”

I pull back to level him with a look. “Isn’t he like super old?”

“It takes longer for some people to understand themselves,” Kai replies with a single shrug.

I let loose an amused, wet hiccup. “His closet must’ve been Narnia-deep.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Kai reprimands with a long-suffering smile. “And yeah, okay, I’m a demon vampire thing, which was a big surprise and a bigger secret. But you’ll always, always, be my little brother.” Kai’s arms tighten, and more of my tears escape. “And I’m always, always, gonna be your big brother, alright? No one and nothing is gonna change that.” Kai grabs my chin to keep me focused on him. “And that Carter guy? Fuck him.”

I rub my face clean with the back of my hand. “Yeah, Sen basically said the same thing.”

Kai drops his hands to place them on his hips, eyebrow raised. “You told him before me, huh?”

I shrug and don’t bother to hide the smile pulling at my lips. “He’s hot.”

Kai laughs, rolling his eyes. “Ah, okay. So if I want you to actually pay attention, I just need to get a hot guy in front of you? Noted.”

“Doesn’t have to be a guy. I’m an equal opportunity objectifier.”

“Funny.” Kai slings an arm around my shoulder, bumping his forehead against mine. “Now listen. People like Carter are jealous fucks. Not just because you’re talented, or slept with his ex, or cute as a button. It’s because, fundamentally, they fucking hate themselves.”