Page 145 of The Amber Sunburst

Kallias meets his eyes, and God save him. Or perhaps, denounce him. Because Kallias is nothing if not a fallen angel, and Alexander would sell his soul to the devil to fall with him.

“I don’t even know anymore,” Kallias exhales, and it’s not a joke now. The space between them is like a band pulled too taut. Kallias sits up straight and they’re separated by centimeters, maybe less. He lifts his head up so he’s looking down at Alexander with his lip between his teeth, lost in thought.

Alexander is pinned, a bug under his gaze. But that doesn’t stop him from raising a hand to Kallias’ neck, letting it rest there, and then moving a thumb to stroke his jaw.

For a moment it seems like Kallias is going to lean into it, let Alexander snake a hand around his waist and pull him in tight like he’s always wanted to. He almost can’t believe he’s only known Kallias for a few months. This longing feels eternal.

For a moment, he can feel the world righting itself. But it’s just a moment.

Kallias hitches a breath and pulls away from his touch, leaning back on his hands again, a self-deprecating smile on his lips like he’s mocking their near miss.

Alexander sighs at the return to normality. He knows this tension can’t last forever, but, God, when is it going to snap?

“You know what I was thinking?” he asks, because at this point, who cares anymore. His feelings have been obvious since day one.

“It better not be more about your opinions on the nickname ‘Alex.’”

Alexander laughs and shakes his head. “It’s not. Though I do have a lot more thoughts on that if you want to hear them⁠—”

“I do not want to hear them.”

“Fine, whatever. Back to what I was thinking. I was thinking⁠—”

Confidence is key, confidence is key, confidence is key.

“—you’d really like California. We could go there, you and me.”

Kallias slowly sits up straight again, which puts him back into kissing range, but the proximity isn’t charged like before. It’s their normal energy: pining and desperate, but not without hope.

“What does that mean?”

“California. It’s a collection of islands off the west coast of America. Well, it’s not America… Ivi Maraei and the Holy American Empire fought over it for centuries. Thankfully for my brother, they both surrendered the territory to the indigenous community on the land years ago. The Ivi Maraei army is ten times better and their people are a hundred times wealthier. If there was a war we would have lost.”

“Okay,” Kallias says, clearly lost in his search for the point of all of this. “And for us?”

“Well, it’s always warm there. And we could live by the beach. And everyone’s nice and they leave you alone if you want to be alone. We could build the house together, though I don’t know anything about building so we might have to ask for Ophelia’s help. We could also…”

He trails off when Kallias’ head drops down so his forehead is resting on Alexander’s shoulder. His whole being comes apart at the touch, but he doesn’t move or speak. He can’t scare Kallias away.

“California?” Kallias asks.

Alexander smiles like a fool. “California. Like I said, it’s warm, which you clearly need because—” He rests his hand on the back of Kallias’ neck “—you’re freezing.”

Kallias hums in agreement and the sound reminds him that he’s created another point of contact and Kallias hasn’t pushed him away. His hand wanders into Kallias’ hair and, Christ, it’s so soft.

“What else?”

“We could get pets. There’s lots of space for them to play.”

“Let me guess, you want a giant, slobbering dog that can, like, run with you on the beach or something dumb.”

Alexander barks a laugh. “Nah, I’ve always wanted one of those runty dogs that are kind of ugly but no one will admit it.”

Kallias huffs and Alexander feels the heat of it on his skin. “What would you name it?”

“Something threatening.”

“Hippolyta?”