Page 26 of Bad Decisions

Will has up and disappeared. I flip my cell over on my cushion to check for messages. Then, realizing what I just did, I turn it back down again. I don’t want to be that person, waiting for a call that never comes.

My head is telling me to forget him. But my heart hasn’t caught up or doesn’t want to.

Will was special. He was the one who listened as I shared stories about my father and held me when I felt lonely. Who never hesitated to step in and help when I needed it. Like he could read my thoughts even before I could think them. And he was the one person who I told things to that nobody else knew—not even Cara.

But now there’s nothing. It’s like Will walked into my life, took a look around, then left, slamming the door behind him. Numbness and loneliness wrestle for ownership of the empty space left behind. I hug my arms around my knees, taking another big gulp from the glass of tequila clasped in my hand.

The rejection cuts deep, not a scratch that will fade in weeks but a wound that will take months or years to heal, leaving a scar that will last a lifetime. All because I let myself fall for him at a time when I was at my most vulnerable.

A deeper ache takes root in my chest, spreading its tendrils wider. I recognize the familiarity of missing Dad. While I have Cara to talk to, what I miss most is being able to jump in my car to go see my dad. He would always be there with a hug and words of comfort whenever my heart was bruised.

My grief cracks open in a flood of tears that course down my cheeks, dripping onto my leggings. They aren’t tears over Will, at least not all of them. These tears are about losing the person who knew me best.

I give myself a moment to release the valve that has been holding back my emotions. Then, with another drink of courage-building tequila, I dry my eyes and scroll through my contacts to Will’s number and press to delete and block it.

It’s done. We’re done.

Chapter fourteen

Will

Back in DC, the reality of what I signed up for when I joined Capital Security has finally sunk in. The danger of rescue missions, like the one we just returned from after five long weeks, four more than we planned, isn’t that different from what I was doing in the military. And I don’t know that it’s the kind of life I want to expose Jewel to. I’m not even sure it’s the life I want.

Rubbing my hand over the scar on my shoulder, I’m reminded that it wouldn’t be fair to inflict my unpredictable and dangerous job on her. She has had enough heartache from losing her father, and I don’t want to be responsible for causing more. A long time ago, I tried relationships, but every time they failed because the woman couldn’t bear not knowing where I was, when I’d return, or even if I would.

This isn’t a job for someone in a committed relationship. It’s why Ben, Parker, and I are the ones who handle these special operations. Tim, our other partner, stays behind in DC with his wife and baby son.

Last night, when I was finally back in my apartment, I tried calling Jewel, but the call went straight to voicemail. She’s either blocked me or is ignoring my calls. The list of missed calls and texts from her stopped completely a couple of weeks ago. She’s ended it, but I’m sure if I could explain, it wouldn’t be over.

Taking my cell from my jeans pocket, I pull up the message thread and start to type, but I only get one word in before Parker slaps me on the back.

“Conference room, bro. Ben’s got a job for us.”

Following him, I delete the draft and shove my cell back into my pocket.

Trekking through the mosquito-riddled jungle, I had a lot of time to think. Memories of Jewel were my constant companions, and I wished more than once that we could be back on our beach together, staring out to sea in comfortable silence, waiting for the sun to peek above the horizon. Being with her was the most peaceful I’d felt in years.

But that was then, before reality crashed into our plans for more. We tried to do long distance, but it’s just not possible with my job making constant demands on my time that can’t be ignored. It’s not fair to her or me.

She’s clearly moved on, and nothing has changed. Is there even any point in trying to explain?

Maybe it’s best I leave things as they are rather than making more promises I can’t keep.

Five Months Later

Isle of Capri, Italy

“If all the jobs could be this sweet,” I muse with my legs kicked out in front of me at a full stretch, and my face turned up to soak in the sun’s rays.

“It sure beats the rain and cold we left behind in DC,” Parker agrees, lying in a similar way on the sun lounger beside me.

“Or sweating our balls off in a South American jungle for weeks on end,” I add, peering through one eye at my friend beside me. These last six months, our jobs have been exciting and varied. But without a doubt, this private security gig for the Barbieri family on an idyllic island is by far my favorite one yet.

“Luckily, that mission was a one-off favor to a friend of Ben’s. I’ve already told him I’m not doing those trips again. I’m getting too old to be running through the jungle while getting shot at by crazy drug cartel members.”

“You’re not going to get any arguments from me. At least they didn’t shoot you.”

Parker chokes out a laugh. “Come on, dude, you weren’t shot. It was barely a graze.”