Page 18 of Bad Decisions

The question surprises me, as I can’t remember the last time I was asked about my personal life.

“All over,” I say. “My dad was military, too, so we lived on bases in North Carolina, Texas, Tennessee, and even spent a few years in Germany. That’s why I joined the Army. It’s in my blood.” Except now, for the first time, I’ll be a civilian, so I add, “Or it was until now.”

“Are you worried about that?”

It’s a simple question that cuts right to the heart of my fears. How do I live now, outside the structure of military service? The muscles in my chest twinge with sudden tightness. I’ve tossed so many possible answers around, along with questioning my decision to leave, that I don’t know whether I can land on a straightforward answer to her question. Although I’m hoping that joining my friend’s company will be the mix of physicality, discipline, and service that I crave without as much danger or unpredictability.

“Yeah, I guess,” I reply vaguely, my voice lacking conviction.

“The other day, you said that maybe you’d stayed in longer than you should have. What did you mean?”

This feels easier, and my fingers still from drawing circles on her shoulder. “Like all those who served on those bloody killing fields in Afghanistan, we would have given our lives for each other, and some of my friends did. Every time a friend of mine came home in a body bag, I lost something of myself until it felt like there was nothing left. I needed to find peace from the memories.”

“The kind of peace you find at dawn, running on the beach?” she asks, and I know she gets me.

“Exactly.” I draw a deep breath that is easier today than it was yesterday and the day before that. “But tell me about you. Why physiotherapy?”

She sinks farther below the bubbles as her shoulders relax. “It was an easy choice that I made when I was a young gymnast. It always seemed like a really cool job working with athletes, and it is. Like you, I like helping people.”

“And the clinic that you work at?”

“The clinic was run by my best friend Cara’s father, but he’s semiretired now. Cara and I met at college, and we started working there straight after we graduated. There’s one other permanent physiotherapist, Tom, who worked for her father before we joined.”

“Sounds like the perfect setup.”

“It is. I love it.” A satisfied sigh slips from her lips, and I’m sure it comes from her knowing exactly where she belongs in the world, not just the warm bath. I’m a little envious.

She’s finished the grapes, and again I swap the bare stem for the bottle of water.

“I’m feeling very pampered right now,” she says, while offering me a sip.

“It’s well deserved after the way you spoiled me.”

Bubbles and water slosh over the edge of the bath as she does a full-body roll that ends with her kneeling. She sits on my thighs, her hands on my shoulders, and those gorgeous tits are temptingly close to my mouth. I cup a hand around each globe and rub my thumbs over her taut nipples. I could spend days worshiping just this one area of her beautiful body, and I lean forward to suck a dusky peak into my mouth.

Her back instantly arches, pushing her chest forward and offering me so much more.

More waves spill onto the tiles. We could have a minor flooding event on our hands, and I couldn’t care less when my hands are full of Jewel.

A Few Days Later

Dawn light seeps through the large windows, turning the midnight-blue ocean into a lighter shade. The color reminds me of Jewel’s eyes. I glance down at where she’s curled against my side, even more beautiful relaxed in sleep.

My night hours are more restful too. For too long, I’ve lived knowing that losing yourself in a deep sleep can mean you might never wake up, so I’d barely been able to catch more than a couple of hours’ rest at a time. That’s changed over the last few nights with Jewel by my side. I’m going to miss her and precious moments like this. The old familiar ball of tension settles back in my stomach with that thought.

Was it wrong of me to be with her like this? Probably, when we come from very different worlds. She’s too young and innocent to understand the ugly things I’ve seen, traveling from one hellhole to the next, running covert operations behind enemy lines. And while I hope that’s all behind me now, the memories linger.

This short break before starting my new job was planned as a reset, a time of transition from my old life to my new one. But it’s been so much more. I can now see the possibilities for the future. Maybe a committed relationship or even a family one day. Closing my eyes, I picture that future, and Jewel is the woman in the frame beside me. It’s a foolish thought. Now isn’t the right time for us. I knew that from the beginning, and I think she did too. She’s kept her emotions in check, and I understand why. The devastation of losing her father rocked her world, and healing from that grief must be her priority.

Instead, I’ll settle for being the friend helping to clear her family home or the sexy distraction from the sad loneliness that she wore like a heavy cloak when I first met her. That will have to be enough for now, and my next breath gets stuck in my lungs.

“What, no run this morning?” Jewel murmurs sleepily beside me as she snuggles further under my outstretched arm. Her small hand rests on my chest, above my heart.

I smile. “I think I’ve found a better way to welcome in the dawn with you in my arms.”

“Hmm, I tend to agree. It’s certainly warmer.” Her fingers trace the ridges of my abs. It tickles.

“What would you like to do on our last day?” I ask, although if she keeps touching me the way she is, I may not want to leave this bed.