Page 199 of Wait for Him

I scramble out of bed and yank on my boxers before following her.

Fuck.

She deserves so much better than this. She's deserved better than me since the hotel balcony, and every time I've promised myself I was going to start giving it to her, I've somehow found a new way to prove I can't.

I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. "Rian. It's not a her thing. It's a kink thing."

Even to me, it sounds weak.

"A kink you never once mentioned until the first time we had sex since she came back." She doesn't pull away yet. "I'm not an idiot, Marcus."

"No. I know you're not."

"Do you?" She pulls herself out of my arms and turns around. Her eyes are dry, which is worse than if she were crying.

"And while we're having this particular elephant-in-the-room conversation, why am I the only person in your life who calls you Marcus?"

I stare at her.

"Everyone gets Jackson. Bennet. Blaire. Your friends. Your employees half the time. Her." Rian takes a step closer. "But me, your fiancée, I got the name on your business card."

I've never even thought about it.

Or maybe that's another lie I'm telling myself because the alternative is admitting I knew there were pieces of me I never handed her.

"So answer me honestly. Just once." Her voice stays steady, but I can see what maintaining that steadiness is costing her. "Where was your head while your cock was in my mouth, Marcus? Can you promise me, on everything, that you weren't thinking of her?"

I open my mouth. Nothing. One second passes, then another, and Rian just watches me. I could lie. Jesus Christ, I could give her one fucking lie and let her keep some dignity after everything I've already taken from her.

But she asked for honesty.

And I can't promise her.

Her eyes close briefly.

There it is.

My silence answers the question more cleanly than anything I've said to her in months.

"Listen." She raises both palms, and I've never seen Rian Fields look this tired. "I'm the one who turned this into something it was never intended to be. I pressed for us to be real instead of contractual. And I realized my mistake the moment you held her face in your hand and called her baby. I just didn't have the guts to say it out loud until tonight."

She tightens the belt of her robe even though it's already tight. Her fingers are trembling, and neither of us acknowledges it.

"So here's what I propose. We get through the wedding. You serve your contractual year of bondage, the board gets their optics, and I get my company." Her voice settles fully into the one she uses across conference tables. "I won't stop you from being with anyone. Anyone. Just please be discreet. Don't turn me into a public spectacle. That's all I'm asking for. That's the whole revised term sheet."

"Rian..."

"No. You don't need to say anything."

She looks at me then, and the control is back everywhere except her eyes.

"I can survive not being loved, Marcus. I've had enough practice. I can't survive being humiliated."

Fuck me.

She turns toward the bathroom.

"Lock the door on your way out."