Page 172 of Wait for Him

I'm going home, then.

I get out of bed and stand there in the middle of the room, an ocean away from everyone I love, phone still in my hand and my body already trying to convince me this is an emergency.

It isn't.

I close my eyes and go through the techniques I've spent the last year learning. Breathe from the diaphragm. Air in through my nose. Hold. Let my lungs expand. Slow breath out through my mouth.

Again.

Again.

Eventually my heart stops trying to escape through my throat.

I've felt this coming for a while now. The time to go home has been getting closer, and I've known it even while finding reasons not to put an actual date on it. I just didn't expect the date to arrive by phone before breakfast.

Or to feel this nervous about introducing myself again to people who don’t know me anymore.

***

"You're panicking."

"I am not panicking."

I don't even believe me.

"Rosalie, you just put Nespresso pods in your overnight bag." Macy reaches in and pulls out the entire box. "Do you think you'll need an entire box of Nespresso pods, love? Will there be a Nespresso machine where you're staying? Will they not have their own Nespresso pods there if there is?"

I snatch the box out of her hand. "You know what, Mace? I don't need your commentary. I invited you over for support, not ridicule."

She laughs while I put my hands on my hips and face her.

"I am not panicking."

Macy just stares at me, a smirk sitting on those beautiful damn lips.

"Fine." The word catapults out of me. "But it's been a year, Mace. I'm not even the same person who left. And I've built a life here, and... ugh, I don't know."

I flop backward onto the bed and pull a pillow over my face. This is where a year of intensive therapy has brought us.

The mattress dips beside me, and then slender arms are pulling me in, pillow and all.

"Do you think they won't accept this new person?" Her voice is gentle above me. "What are you most worried about?"

I toss the pillow aside and let her tuck my head beneath her chin, her arms wrapping around me. Macy became one of my favorite people so quickly that sometimes I forget there was ever a version of my life where I didn't know her.

"That I'll walk in and turn right back into the old one." I pick at a loose thread on her shirt. "That the year won't hold."

She pulls back enough to brush a strand of hair behind my ear.

"You're stronger than that, and you know it. I haven't known you nearly as long as your other friends and family, but even I can see that. And you can't stay hidden until you're healed because it's not a destination, love. It's an ongoing affair, one you'll have to actively pursue for the rest of your life." She holds my eyes. "The year will hold."

I don't realize I'm crying until her thumb wipes a tear from my cheek.

"Thanks, Mace." I bite my bottom lip before it can start doing anything embarrassing.

"I'll always be here when you decide to come back. And I'll come visit you. You're supposed to be introducing me to this Jade person, anyway."

I laugh. "Jade is going to kill me. I'm always trying to set her up with people.”