Page 131 of Wait for Him

And I know exactly why.

He hears everything I put into the name. The distance. The boundary. The return of that one careful foot of space I used to put between us before we blew every wall apart.

He lets me go anyway. Because that's the one thing he's never failed at. Releasing me when I ask.

"I'll be in touch," I tell them both.

I take the handles of my luggage and walk toward the elevators.

Neither of them follows me this time.

The doors close on Michael and Jackson standing together in the middle of my empty apartment, surrounded by all the space where my life used to be.

I feel nothing at all.

For now, I let that carry me down.

"Listen. I know what it looks like, and while I can't commit to a date, I promise I'll be back."

Jade and Lukas exchange a worried glance.

I've just handed them my life. Access to the accounts, the businesses, power of attorney over everything I've spent two decades building. I know exactly why I'm saying the words out loud. I'm trying to stop them from worrying.

The problem is, I don't actually know if they're true.

I don't know if I'll be back. I don't know when. I don't know what shape I'll be in if I do.

"It's just that..." Lukas clasps his hands together, choosing his words in a way he almost never has to. "This feels a lot like you getting your affairs in order, boss."

For such a large man, I've never seen him look so small. So boyish.

I can feel the edges of my emotions pulling at the sight of him, faint but there.

Yay. Not completely dead inside, then.

I try to keep the coldness out of my voice because it isn't for them. It's the only thing holding my seams together right now.

"In a way, I am. But that's just the responsible thing to do before a hiatus." I should probably smile with that. I force one, but fuck, I think I went too toothy.

"I'm not disappearing forever."

It doesn't land, I can see that immediately.

Jade's eyes have gone glassy, and Lukas drops his gaze to the desk like the grain has suddenly become fascinating.

But they love me enough not to push, and I love them enough to let them pretend they believe me, and that's the arrangement we sign along with the paperwork.

Jade has agreed to be my proxy of sorts. I'll call her once a month to check in on the firm, the businesses and James. She'll handle anything that genuinely requires me and filter out everything that doesn't. My phone doesn’t ring.

Everyone has semi-agreed to give me space.

I'm not putting much faith in the semi, but it's a start.

By the time I arrive at the apartment I rented in Catalina sight unseen, I'm exhausted enough that my standards have dropped to four walls, running water and no visible murder stains.

I'm pleasantly surprised.

It's not a shithole.