Page 121 of Finding Forever

Kayla’s eyes widened. “You still haven’t spoken to him?”

“I’ve seen him twice. Once at the grocery store and once outside the arts center, but we didn’t talk for long.”

Kayla’s expression softened. “Was that difficult?”

Beth thought about the grocery store. She’d been choosing tomatoes when she’d looked up and seen Dave coming around the end of the aisle. They’d both stopped.

Then they’d talked for less than three minutes. Dave had asked about Kayla. Beth had asked about Mark. He’d wanted to know whether everything was running smoothly at the center, and she’d assured him it was.

Perfectly pleasant. Perfectly polite.

Beth had made it all the way to her truck before realizing she’d forgotten the tomatoes.

“Seeing him wasn’t the worst part,” she admitted. “Walking away was.”

Kayla didn’t respond, and Beth was grateful for the silence. She ran her fingertips along the wooden arm of her chair. “I miss him.”

There. One month of thinking reduced to three words. “I thought some distance might give me perspective,” Beth continued. “Instead, it’s made something else clear.”

“What?” Kayla asked.

“I know I can manage without Dave. I have you and Ryan, my friends, and the arts center. Half the time there aren’t enough hours in the day for everything I want to do.”

Kayla nodded.

“So it isn’t about needing somebody around.” Beth looked down at her hands. “It’s because I want him to be part of my life.”

Saying it aloud made the distinction seem important. “Things happen and I automatically think about telling him. Last week, one of the children painted a picture of the mayor with green hair, and I knew exactly how hard Dave would laugh. Yesterday, I drove all the way out to Finley Point and wondered if he was there.”

Kayla sighed. “He probably was.”

Beth gave her a look. “That isn’t helping.”

“Sorry.” Kayla leaned back in her chair. “Do you regret ending things?”

Beth nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision. I was confused. I needed time.”

“I think you did, too,” Kayla said. “Maybe you needed everything to become quiet before you could hear yourself think.”

Beth turned toward her daughter. There was no judgment in Kayla’s voice. She wasn’t telling Beth what she should have done or what she ought to do next.

Beth looked across the garden. “I kept expecting a moment when everything would suddenly make sense. I thought I’d wake up one morning and know what the right thing was.”

Kayla was quiet for a few seconds. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you happier now?”

Beth frowned.

“Since you stopped seeing Dave,” Kayla explained. “Are you happier without him?”

Beth frowned. She’d spent a month making everything less complicated. Her life had returned to something familiar. Safe, even. But happy?

Beth watched a breeze move through the garden, bending the taller flowers before they slowly straightened again. “No,” she said quietly. “I’m not happier.”

Kayla didn’t smile in triumph or tell her what the answer meant. She simply nodded. “Okay.”