Page 94 of SEAL of Valor

Weston swallows hard as he stares down at me, his gaze darkening. Reaching up, I press my hand to his chest, just over his heart.

He closes his eyes, and his nostrils flare. “When you touch me, even the slightest contact, it makes me feel—” Once more, he stops speaking.

“Makes you feel what?” I press.

He opens his gaze and covers my hand with his. “Whole.”

Chapter 28

Weston

“So, marriage, huh?” Sawyer drops down on the couch beside me, freshly showered and wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. “I haven’t really had the chance to talk to you about everything Zane said at the gym when you were letting Ryker beat the snot out of you.”

I snort. Leave it to Sawyer to soften even the hardest of topics with his sarcasm.

“Shouldn’t you be getting to bed? You do have an early shift at Anastasia’s coffee house tomorrow,” I reply. Garrison is going with him, too, though he’s still awake. Reese is the only one who turned in for the night, leaving the rest of us to do what we do best: prepare for war.

“I’ll get there.” He eyes me curiously, so I set down the list that Garrison made of all possible targets. Garrison, Zane, and Ryker are both looking at the same list, trying to narrow it down just like I am. But so far, any one of these seventy-two targets could be the one.

When Sawyer doesn’t say anything else, I lean back on the couch and run both hands over my face. “Get it out now so we can move on.”

“I’m not trying to pry,” he says. “I just—I’m sorry, man.” His tone changes, shedding his typical Sawyer-ish charm. It catches me off guard. I’ve only known Sawyer to be serious a couple of times. The most recent was when his fiancée, Anastasia, had been in danger. “I haven’t had the chance to tell you that, and I wanted to say it now.”

Briefly, I look over to the other three members of my team, who are all watching the interaction. Ryker’s tense, as if he’s prepping for a fight. Why? Because he thinks I’d take out my anger on Sawyer? Am I truly that violent?

Zane’s look is more curious. As if he’s been wanting to bring up this very subject but hasn’t gotten around to it yet. Same thing with Garrison. Frustration eats at my already sour mood.

“It’s in the past.” I reach for the list again, though I can’t focus on anything else.

“That doesn’t make it hurt less,” he says. “Losing your sister, unborn baby, and your wife? All at the same time?” He shakes his head. “You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met, Cowboy. Just one of those things would have leveled me.”

I doubt that. Sawyer has this strength about him that I’ve always respected. This ability to take the darkest circumstances and add light.

“I’d second that,” Ryker offers.

“Same,” Zane adds.

Garrison simply nods.

My throat constricts as an onslaught of emotion hits me. I’ve spent so many years running from this that the constant reminder has worn those walls down entirely. I’m exhausted and so ready to move forward—whatever that may look like.

“It did level me. I turned to alcohol and fighting to cope. I was doing everything I could to destroy myself. Not even Zane could pull me out. If it weren’t for Leopold⁠—”

“You’re still standing, Cowboy. And that’s not for nothing,” Ryker says.

“Only because other people kept pulling me up,” I retort, my gaze landing on Zane. How many times did he try to sober me up in those months when I lost myself? Even after Tessa left him, he’d fought for her.

He was driven by his desire to get her back, but I just gave up.

“You did the same for me when I lost Tessa.”

Truth be told, I barely remember that time. But I do know that I should have done more. I was already so angry that it was gasoline on an already deadly fire. “I don’t need to be coddled,” I snap. “I wanted to die and did everything I could to fast-track that. Pretending I’m something that I’m not just because I didn’t succeed is not helpful.”

“This whole beating up on yourself thing is getting old,” Sawyer quips. “Just once, take the compliment.” He gets to his feet. “Ryker once told me that I struggled to see the good in myself. You make me look like a ray of confident sunshine.”

I don’t know why, but the comparison makes me grin. It releases all tension in my chest, and I shake my head. “Now I can’t see anything but sunshine shooting out of you.”

“Ray of light,” Sawyer replies with a grin. “That’s what I am. Just ask Anastasia.”