Page 88 of SEAL of Valor

He’s quiet for a moment, but then he nods. “I asked Him to save the baby, too. That night, I begged Him, but it didn’t work. My entire life, I’ve been asking God for help. When my dad turned to alcohol, when Violet went missing, when Reese lost the baby, when my mom turned to pills after we buried Violet…” He trails off, eyes shimmering with tears. “And not once has He answered me. Yet, I asked Him to save Reese and me, and we survived insurmountable odds. I jumped fifty feet off the deck of a cargo ship and into the ocean at night. Even uninjured, the survival rate on a jump like that is low.”

I stare at him, realizing for the first time that he had no intention of surviving our escape. Not really. His only priority had been to get me out of there, which is why he called Zane first, then gave me that other phone.

“I shouldn’t have survived, but I’m here.” He points to his chest. “Me. I’ve done horrible things in my life. I’ve been angry. I wanted to kill my dad more than once when he’d go after my mom. I almost did one night. And I would have if Violet hadn’t stopped me. She was the good one, not me. So why save me?” He runs a hand over the lower part of his face as tears slip from his eyes. “My marriage failed because I was too weak to be who I needed to be. So why me?” he repeats.

Silent tears stream down my cheeks at the witness of his pain. I want so badly to run to him. To wrap my arms around him and tell him all the pretty things I think would make it better.

But I’m not who he needs right now.

So I remain right where I am, even when Pastor Reeves gets to his feet and sets his Bible aside. Slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, he crosses over to Weston and stops right in front of him.

“There are no easy answers to the questions you are asking, Weston. And truthfully, as much as I would love to put your mind at ease right now, I can’t. What I can tell you is that God works all things for good. All situations, even the worst of the worst, can be used for His glory. The loss of your sister is a devastation that had even me questioning why things happen the way that they do.”

Weston shuts his eyes tightly, and more tears slip out.

“We’re human, and it’s our nature to question. But the real strength comes when you realize that we don’t have to know all the answers. All we have to do is follow Him, seek His truth, and take that next step toward trusting His plan over our own understanding.”

Weston shakes his head. “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to let go of the anger.” He points to his chest. “I lost everyone who mattered. My mom couldn’t even stand the sight of me, and I can’t help but believe it’s because she saw the ugliness in my soul and realized she couldn’t be around it anymore.”

“Your mother’s choices are her own,” Pastor Reeves said. “We may have been given free will, but we will all answer for the things we’ve done. What she did is not a reflection on you, Weston. You may have felt alone, but you never were.”

He shakes his head as if trying to push Pastor Reeves’ words out. “You have no idea the life I’ve led.”

“I don’t need to know. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to this world and lived a perfect life. He died a sinner’s death so that we would all be saved. So that we could have a chance to spend eternity with God and not one separate from Him. We are all sinners, Weston. Each and every one of us has grappled with lust, greed, anger, and everything else under the sun that causes us to stumble. But you do not have to be owned by that sin because Jesus Christ already paid the price for you. You don’t have to continue living in the shadows just because it’s easier than stepping out into the light.”

“And what about the future? What about what I have to do to make sure what’s left of my family is safe? My friends?”

“You pray, and you put it in God’s hands, Weston. You step out in faith and know that He will always be there to catch you.”

“I’m a violent man.” Weston turns toward the cross. “And I don’t know how not to be.”

“A violent man?” Pastor Reeves asks. “That’s not who I see when I look at you.”

“Then you’re not looking hard enough.”

“I see a man who has done things he wished he hadn’t, but who believed at the time he was doing them for the greater good. I see a man who has saved countless lives, who stepped up when his family needed him, and who has been let down by people he should have been able to trust. But that’s the hard truth, Weston. People will always let us down. We can’t help but fall short. God, though? He is always good, and He is always there. Even when life is horrible and has us twisted up into more knots than we can count, God is there. Our Savior never leaves our side. You may not know why He saved you, but He does. Don’t question Him just because you are struggling to see yourself. Put your faith in Him, repent for your sins, and stop punishing yourself for things He has already forgiven you for.”

He sighs, but I truly believe I am witnessing the breaking of chains he’s worn for far too long.

And it is heartbreakingly beautiful.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he says.

Pastor Reeves crosses back toward me and lifts the worn Bible I’ve seen him carry ever since we moved here. Then he goes back to Weston and hands it to him. “Start here.”

Weston stares at it, then raises his gaze to Pastor Reeves. “This is yours.”

“Not anymore. It’s yours now. Read it. And know that I’m here whenever you want to talk.”

Chapter 26

Weston

The Bible Pastor Reeves gave me has been sitting in the same place on the table since I got back to the farmhouse with Reese. We spent the afternoon tending to the animals, checking the pastures, and even brought the cattle in closer to the house so we can keep a better eye on them.

But my mind wasn’t at all on the work. Instead, I’ve been replaying every single word Pastor Reeves said to me in that church.

I hadn’t gone there to tell him everything. To lay it all out like that. I’d gone to fulfill my promise to God. Once I opened my mouth, though, it poured out. Everything. Right there in front of Reese.