Page 10 of Scoring Eden

To stop me from feeling like my life has been rendered useless now that my sister has found someone else to look out for her.

Dr. Sharma raises her brows like she’s sick of my shit. “What would you say has been your overarching emotion this week?”

Exhaustion.

Boredom.

A bone-deep intuition that I’m of no use to anyone anymore.

My daylight hours were spent either at the gym or at soccer practice. And my nights were lost inside the bodies of women I’d met that evening. Saturday was probably the only time I’d felt anything close to happiness, while playing hide and seek with my nieces and chasing them around the kitchen island. At least they still need me around.

I settle on, “Loneliness.”

Dr. Sharma lets the silence stretch between us, waiting for me to expand. I don’t. I just shift my gaze back to her and knot my hands in my lap.

“Are you still using casual sex to distract from your feelings of isolation?”

Who said I do that? I don’t do that. I am a twenty-nine-year-old virile athlete, in the prime of his life, who needs an outlet for all his raging testosterone. Nothing deeper than that.

Her eyes soften in the gentle glow of the lamplight. “Do you think that’s a fair observation?”

My eyes find the trees beyond the window. “I don’t know.”

“Can I tell you what I think?”

I mean, she’ll tell me anyway. No point in asking my permission first. In the few months of sessions we’ve had since I started, she’s never shied away from letting me know the cold hard truth. Whether I accept it as truth is a different thing, however.

“Sure.” I shrug.

“I think you’re struggling so much with Leo and Brynn’s relationship because it feels like a loss. And I think it’s okay, and very normal, for you to process it that way. I think you’re worried that their relationship affects the individual bonds you share with them, that it might weaken them somehow.”

Fuck me, she’s right on the money.

“You’ve spent the majority of your life being your sister’s protector, and now that Leo has stepped into that role, you’re grappling with knowing where you fit into the picture. And you’re leaning on casual sex now more than ever to fill that void because, ultimately, you crave companionship. You need to be needed, but at the same time, you’re terrified of commitment as a result of your parents’ untimely death.”

I release a sticky laugh in a bid to relieve the weight she’s just dropped on my chest. “Damn, Doc, don’t pull your punches for my benefit.”

Her smile is both sad and polite. An unsettling combination of ingredients that manages to call me pathetic and a shitty comedian all at once. So, I’m grateful when she changes the subject.

“How are you coping with the changes in the team since the new investors came on board?”

I scowl, thinking about the recent deal.

The board wants us to present a more wholesome side of ourselves to appease the new investor, a vehicle manufacturer who specializes in family cars: Purview Automotive or something. That means no getting photographed in compromising positions, no excessive drinking, no fucking fun.

It’s all bullshit.

We’re to be the perfect picture of the American Dream for the sole purpose of injecting more money into the wallets of the team’s owners. Hypocritical of me to say, sure, since I earn more money than anyone ever should for kicking a ball around a field, but at least I don’t line my own pockets at the expense of somebody else.

I fake a smile. “It is what it is.”

“Have you considered using it as an opportunity to speak about your experiences?”

All my life, I’ve kept it close to my chest that Brynn and I were adopted after we ended up in a children’s home for a couple years following our parents’ death. I’m not ashamed of it or anything. I just hate the way people look at me like I’m some hopeless, mangled stray in a kill shelter when they find out.

Leo knows, but only because my sister told him.

“Why would I?”