Page 96 of Sugar & Shadows

A heart.

A baby.

Inside me.

It wasn’t possible. This couldn’t be real.

“That’s not—” I swallowed, searching for the right words. “What about my IUD?”

She moved the wand again, pointing to a bright white T-shape in a sea of gray.

“There is it.” She clicked the mouse again. “But it looks like it moved. It should be over here.” She pointed to more gray streaky space on the screen. “See how it’s in this area? It migrated or got knocked out of place.”

“But it’s supposed to be 99 percent effective,” I whispered.

“It is. When properly placed. But in the wrong position,” she said, “research shows a higher risk of adverse outcomes.”

Adverse outcomes. I gaped at the image of the medical device that was supposed to prevent this exact outcome and the flickering heartbeat that proved it hadn’t done its job.

“So.” I dropped my head back and squeezed my eyes shut.

“You’re pregnant,” she declared.

“No shit.”

“Based on these measurements, you’re about six or seven weeks along. So very early.”

“And that’s why I’ve been so sick.”

“Possibly. We’ll still do the blood work and monitor hormone levels. But your symptoms look a lot like early pregnancy. GI distress, nausea, food aversion, exhaustion.”

Fuck. I checked every one of those boxes perfectly.

“Would you like some images?” she asked gently.

“Of the IUD?” I asked in a panic.

Her lips twitched. “The pregnancy.”

I liked that she didn’t say baby. It was a fetus or an embryo. What was the difference between the two? Either way, it was a little alien creature growing inside me.

With a very steady and persistent heartbeat.

“Sure,” I said, looking back up at the ceiling tiles.

After a few more clicks, she gently removed the wand and took care of it. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get cleaned up and dressed. Then let’s sit in my office and talk. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and concerns.”

I blinked back a sheen of tears. Dammit if that wasn’t an understatement.

Ten minutes later, I found myself seated in her warm office, sipping from a fresh bottle of water.

“What are my options?”

“This is Vermont,” she answered easily. “There is no timeline requirement for termination.”

“So I have time to decide?” A frisson of relief seeped into me. I needed time. A lot of it. My brain still hadn’t accepted the situation.

“Yes… and no,” she hedged. “With the IUD still implanted, you have a higher chance of dangerous infection. Or miscarriage.”