Page 47 of Delirium 2

I didn’t say anything. Tears filled my eyes when a text from Alani came through. Broken heart emoji. 911. Cuz…

Three things that held so much weight. I stared at the word ‘cuz’ wondering if she was calling me… or telling me there was a 911 regarding cuz.

“Sereia?”

“What?” I blurted out.

He was quiet for a bit before asking, “Can I come in?”

I didn’t say anything. My phone started to ring again. And in that moment, I decided I hated God. I hated everything about Him and life in general. What the fuck did Lani meeeean? Where was Lake? Why hadn’t Lake called me? What did Auntie Dani want? What the fuck was the 911?

The room began to spin more.

Meech. Hello? Meech.

I was in my head. Calling out for my brother. Calling out for help. I needed to know if Lake was okay but… I didn’t want to answer the phone. Didn’t want to talk to anybody for real. I needed to know if Lakeland was okay. It was clear that she wasn’t but… what I really needed to know was if she was breathing.

Meech.

Demetrius.

Bitch.

Nothing.

I swallowed. Meech… please help me. I know you hear me bitch.

Somebody help me.

Is… hello? Is Lakeland okay?

I waited. Listened. Got nothing. Something, I got stuff. Sometimes I heard a voice that wasn’t mine. Sometimes I was guided. When lost, told to go a certain way. When in doubt, told to relax. When in panic, told everything would be okay. But when I called out to it… when I asked it for help… when I searched the spiritual realm for answers from my fucking brother I got nothing? When I needed help the most, nothing?

I hated this.

I hated everything about it.

Fuck life.

A second later, Exodus walked into the room and I sized him up.

Fuck him too.

You see what was happening? You see… something was wrong with Lakeland? She was my heart too. I had two. Three if we counted my momma. I was down to one and He had taken her from me, too. I didn’t have room for another. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to handle another heart outside of my body. Exodus… he had that potential. I didn’t want it. I’d die before I loved again. I’d die before someone else became my heart and He just took them from me.

“Ay,” Exodus said, thick brows furrowed, concern written on his face.

He approached me.

I kept pacing.

Phone kept ringing.

Delicately, he took the phone from me. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want it in my hands anymore anyway.

Before answering it, he looked at me for reassurance I didn’t give him. Reassurance I couldn’t give him. I was spaced out. My heart bro… it ached.

Meech.