Page 141 of Override

I bury my face in my hands as another sob escapes.

Am I crying because I miss my old life?

Because every day I wake up feeling a little less like myself than I did the day before?

Or am I crying because somewhere inside that house...A stranger became my friend?

The thought makes fresh tears spill down my cheeks. I don't even know his name. Not really.

I know the way he teases me. I know he likes impossible questions and answers every simple one in the most complicated way imaginable. I know he remembers how I take my coffee. I know he notices when I'm sad.

The realization steals what little breath I have left.

No one has noticed I was sad in a very long time. Not enough to ask. Not enough to care.

Taibhse did.

The night breeze catches my hair, blowing it across my face, and for one impossible second all I want is my mother.

I want to curl up beside her on the couch with one of her knitted blankets wrapped around my shoulders while she runs her fingers through my hair the way she always did when I was little.

She never needed to ask what was wrong. She somehow always knew.

A fresh ache settles deep in my chest. Would she know now? If she looked at me...Really looked at me...Would she see it?

Or would she smile and tell me that marriage is hard? That the first year is always the hardest? My thoughts drift to my father.

The man who built an empire on loyalty.

On family. On protecting his own.

Does he know? The question slips quietly into the darkness.

Has he noticed the way I choose my words now? The way I apologize before I've even decided if I've done something wrong? The way I flinch every time a door opens unexpectedly?

Or does he only see what I let him see?

The daughter who smiles. The wife trying to adjust. The alliance that strengthened the family.

A tear slides down my cheek.

If he knew...What would he do?

Would he march through the front gates and bring me home?

Or would he tell me what everyone else keeps telling me...That marriage takes time. That love grows. That I simply have to keep trying.

I honestly don't know anymore.

Maybe that's the part that hurts the most.

Because I don't know who I can trust with the truth.

The only person I wanted to tell...Was someone I'd never even met.

I let out a shaky laugh that immediately dissolves into another quiet sob.

"That's pathetic," I whisper to the empty night.