Page 53 of True Colors

She meets my eyes. She smiles. I smile back.

I have a serious crush on Anouk Starling. I fear it’s embarrassingly obvious, and everyone can see it.

Sometimes I catch Vijay smirking at me as if he knows. I hope not.

I know, I need to get control of myself because no one can know. It will embarrass Anouk, and that’s the last thing I want.

When I walk out of another meeting with Anouk and the others on a Friday evening, a meeting where she cracked a joke and even rolled her eyes at me, I am in a damn good mood.

We’ve come a long way from anxious Anouk to this. It’s a victory in my book.

“What’s going on with you?” Vijay asks as he walks next to me.

“What?”

“You’re whistling, dude.”

Was I whistling? Like a fool in a musical?

“It’s Friday,” I reply lamely.

He gives me a knowing nod. “Sure, it is.”

“You know the Indian head bob is difficult to decipher. Are you saying yes or no right now?” I arch an eyebrow.

He chuckles. “Dude, you’re sunk. It’s a pleasure to see.”

Does he know? Who else knows that I’m falling for my fairy-like data analyst?

“What does that mean?” I ask super casually.

He tilts his head, looking more entertained than anyone has a right to. “You know what it means.” He lays a hand on my shoulder outside my office. “I’ve known you for five years, and I’ve never seen you…like this.”

I stiffen, not thrilled with where this is going. “Like what?”

“Happy.”

Unease further colors my body language. “I’m always happy.”

“No, dude, you’re always running. Now…it’s good to see.”

With that cryptic remark, he leaves me standing there wondering what the hell is happening to me—enough that he commented on it.

Fuck it.

I’m happy. I plan to stay that way. And if the reason is a nerdy number-cruncher with the sexiest lips this side of the Mississippi, then so be it.

The truth is, I haven’t felt like this in…years.

The last time I had a real crush was in high school.

Usually, if I like a woman, I ask her out, and if it works, we date for a while, nothing serious, just some sex with company.

I’ve never been the one-night-stand type. They feel empty to me—transactional, careless. If I sleep with someone, it’s because I like her company, her mind, her energy.

I like to date. I like an actual human connection. I like intimacy, even if it’s short-lived.

My longest relationship was six months with Erin, back at NYU. Since then, there have been several short and easy relationships.