Page 67 of Knot Broken

Then she stared at me steadily, making clear I needed to answer her first question.

“I…”

Sometimes it felt like the whole process of transitioning into a wolf took something from me. The psychologist at the time called it avoidance. Every time we fronted up to the lab, I was pumped full of hormones and forced to endure agony. Human brains didn’t cope very well with that and neither did the wolf’s. She theorised that perhaps the reason why I didn’t really feel my wolf was because I pushed it and the whole experience away.

Was that what I was doing now?

“It would suck,” I told Mum frankly. “But its not something I can do much about. Nadia isn’t…” Where the hell did that reticence come from? “Nadia isn’t my mate.”

There. I got it out. It was a tough thing to admit, but I needed to say it over and over until I was reconciled to the situation.

“There was no bolt from the blue when I saw her,” I explained. “No punch in the gut feeling the moment I got close. Nadia is pretty, no, beautiful, but so are heaps of girls.”

“But you don’t think about other girls, though, do you?” Where the hell did my mother’s knowing smile come from? “You might stop and take a look, but minutes later, you wouldn’t even remember who they are. Not this Nadia. Some part of you gets all tense when you’re around her.” How did she know that? “Like butterflies in your tummy.” I watched her hand come to rest on her stomach. “Everything I described should push you away from her, but instead all you want to do is get closer.”

Swallowing hard, I realised my throat was bone dry. Grabbing the bottle by the neck, I took a long swig, wincing when I remembered I hated wine. Setting it back down carefully, I turned to face my mother.

“So?” Fuck, the ghost of teenage Ethan was in my defensive tone. With a breath, I tried again. “That doesn’t mean anything. I like her, OK. She’s a nice person. A mate bond is something else. Alphas fought wars to get to their mates. They knew without a shred of doubt that that person was the only one in the world for them.”

“All I’m saying is that if you look into your heart.” She tapped my sternum. “Past what you think you know about alpha/omega bonds, maybe you might be surprised by what you find.”

Mum always had something to say that got me thinking, so the fact I did that the entire drive home came as no surprise.

The realisation that came did.

Staring into the mirror, feeling the aftershocks of second-hand pleasure I’d gotten from the dream was one thing, but as I peered at my reflection now, my eyes bled to silver. The wolf stared at me and I stared back, each waiting the other out until I whispered this.

“She’s…” A hard swallow. “Nadia, she’s… our mate?”

The silver brightened exponentially, and in that moment, I saw grey fur form all across my arms. Staring at my shaking hands, I realised what a mistake I’d made.

“Fuck… Fuck…” I breathed out, seeing everything now with fresh eyes. Nadia, crumpling under the weight of Riley’s words and me? Walking away from Nadia, leaving her to face every damn thing on her own.

An alpha always had to prove his worthiness to his mate, but me? Somehow I had to convince Nadia I wasn’t a complete dickhead.

Just like her exes were.

Chapter 32

Nadia

“So you’ve decided to transition.” Riley smiled as she sat back in her chair. “And you’re sure about that? It’s not like treatment is a one-way street to Wolfsville and once you’re on it, there’s no getting off, but it does make suppressants less likely to work.”

“I am.” Looking from side to side, I got the full range of reactions from the guys. Tex held my hand, giving a squeeze, then smiling down at me while Grey sat there, arms folded, staring Riley down like she was a threat rather than my saviour. “I don’t know if I want to be a mother, but I do know I want to have the choice.”

“OK, so let’s discuss how the process will go,” Riley said, turning her screen around so I could see a diagram displayed. “What we’ve worked out is that if you were born in an alpha town, you’d go through puberty normally. Your pituitary gland would send female hormones into your body, starting the process of sexual maturity. Omega wolf shifters…”

She tapped a button and a little animation showed a small gland pumping something else.

“Being around the different packs would trigger another set of hormones that would also prepare your body for a shift.”

“So is that what’s happening now?” I asked, moving in my seat.

“In a way, but the delayed or latent response is more like peri-menopause than puberty. If you’re anything like most latents, your levels of hormone are fluctuating wildly. Some days you’ll feel this close to shifting.” Was that the growing tension I felt in my body, like I was standing on the edge of something, unsure whether to jump back or leap over into the abyss below? “Others you’ll wonder what all this fuss is, feeling perfectly normal. What we’ll do is slowly titrate up the levels of hormones needed to make your first shift.”

“You might meet your wolf today.” Tex’s thumb rubbed against my knuckle as he stared down at me. “Can’t wait to meet her.”

“And the risks?”