Page 14 of Knot Broken

“With my last boyfriend.” I shook my head. “With all of them, it’d be so hard to ask for what I needed and then they’d…” Other, far less pleasant memories rose and that had my eyes falling closed. My head went backwards, resting against the steel wall of the carriage. “They’d nod and go along with what I said.” My brows creased. “Or they wouldn’t. Some shut the conversation down completely and I’d… let them. The ones that pretended to listen, though, they were the worst. I’d feel hope, like things would get better, and then…”

My eyes flicked open to see that each man had drawn closer. Fangs flashed as Tex’s lips pulled back in a silent snarl. I wanted to reach out, trace the shape of his jaw, feel the stubble on my fingertips, because his expression was a perfect manifestation of the anger I kept stuffed down.

“Of course, the next time we’d have sex, it’d be the exact same as it was. Little to no foreplay for me, everything for him, and then I’d just lay there and stare as he rutted away on top of me. His expression, his grunts, they were like punches to the gut and I just lay there, absorbing every blow.” I couldn’t help but curl inwards, as if that would stop the pain. “But I let him do that to me. I stayed. I⁠—”

“Don’t do that.” Grey’s hoarse voice had me turning towards him. “Don’t. Don’t make excuses for that fuck.”

“But I⁠—”

“He had your love, and that’s what he chose to do with it? Use you like a cock sleeve to jerk off in. What a cunt.”

I snorted at his frank language, then found myself laughing.

“I mean, yeah. My therapist didn’t put it that way, but…” I nodded. “Grant was a cunt. We split up a while ago and I was determined not to make the same mistake again. That’s why I started talking to the people at Good Vibes. And why…” I looked over at Tex. “I went up to a complete stranger and started stroking his shirt.”

“If that’s what makes you feel better.” I gasped when Tex took my hand in his. I thought I’d imagined the way his skin seared mine, but I felt that heat again, right before he put my palm on his chest. My thumb moved without meaning to, feeling the soft nap of the flannel fabric. “Then be my guest.”

“I… can’t.” Pulling away from him felt wrong on so many levels, but I did. Shoving my hand in my pocket made it easier to stop from reaching out again. “What happened, it was a mistake and⁠—”

“Doesn’t have to be.” Ethan looked all too pleased with himself right now. “Seems to me you came here for a reason, and while I’m sure Brendan is very educated, we were the ones that helped you get what you wanted.”

“Ethan…” Grey growled, shooting him a dark look.

“You want to find your voice, build your sexual confidence.” Ethan’s very impressive forearms crossed his chest. “To develop any skill, you need practice.”

“Which is why I started going to Good Vibes,” I replied.

“Why pay them a whole bunch of money?” He leant in closer, a hand hitting the wall above my head. “When you can have us for free.”

“What…?” I looked around me, that same feeling of unreality I’d experienced the last time I was in this building hitting me hard. “You want⁠—?”

“Fuck, do I want.” Tex’s head tilted my way. “What happened that day?” I braced myself for the worst, but was instead surprised by this. “I’ve dreamed about it every night since, replayed the memory every moment I’m awake.” My whole body jolted when one finger landed on the base of my neck. His eyes bore into mine. “Did you dream of me, omega?”

“Yes.” That slipped out because he caught me off balance. Every time my head hit the pillow, the memory would resurface, forcing me to shift, writhe between the sheets as my subconscious walked us through what happened yet again.

“Of course, you did.” When Tex smiled, something lightened in my chest. “So whaddya think, omega? Want to make new memories?”

“If we do this.” Tex was all heat, but Grey was like a splash of cold water to the face. Something that I needed if my rapidly heaving chest was anything to go by. “Then there needs to be some ground rules established.”

“Ground rules?” I asked.

“You went to Good Vibes with an intention of developing more confidence sexually. That means communicating clearly with each other.”

“I know I’d fucking love a round two,” Ethan said with a smirk.

“But Nadia is still working out what she wants.” I glanced at Grey because there was nothing in his stony expression that led me to think he’d be my advocate, yet here he was being just that. His eyes met mine. “We need to explore what your limits are.”

“So she’ll come around to our—” Tex said.

“On neutral territory,” Grey said. “When everyone’s clear headed.”

I wasn’t in my right mind. If I had any sense, I wouldn’t have agreed to do what he said, something I considered minutes later when I got behind the wheel of my car, gripping the cool vinyl tightly. Was I…? Was I really going to meet them at a local pub and discuss my sexual do’s and don’t’s?

“I can’t,” I told my reflection in the rear-view mirror. My eyes were wide, staring, and that familiar shade of brown, right before I saw something shift. A faint glimmer of silver, there and gone again, right before my hand reached for the ignition, starting the car and then pulling out of the car park.

“I can,” I said in a very different voice, because those alphas were completely right. With them, I was a different person. With them, I could ask, no demand, what I wanted. My hips shifted on the car seat as I drove towards the pub. It took a while for the ache Tex’s knot had left to ease, yet suddenly I was feeling the ghost of that sensation deep inside me, in preparation for more. “I can and I will.”

I had second, third, fourth, and fifth thoughts about this on the drive over, yet when I pulled up the front of the pub, I stepped out of the car and walked inside. There was no need to search for the alphas, because Tex and Ethan got to their feet as soon as they saw me. Stopping to order a fortifying wine from the bar, I took a sip and then approached them.