Page 106 of The Shadow Sanctum

“He’s smart, Luna. He can do it. I trust him.”

“But I don’t,” I snap, harsher than I mean to. It isn’t Sawyer’s judgment that upsets me. It’s his stubbornness. “And you’re being stupid. The FBI is looking for you too. Are you planning to wed me in handcuffs?”

His face pinches with pain as he breaks my gaze. No. That isn’t what he’s hoping for.

He’s hoping I’ll leave with him. But he must know I won’t.

“Promise me you’ll leave.”

His throat works as he swallows, but his eyes never leave mine. They’re sharp, wet at the edges, like a storm pressing against glass.

“You want me to promise that?” he asks, voice low and raw.

“Yes.”

A muscle jumps in his jaw. For a moment, I think he’ll shout. That he’ll grab me, drag me out of here by force. Or at least try.

But instead, he dips his head and drops his voice to a whisper. “Then tell me you love me.”

My chest caves.

My mind instantly snaps the words, but my mouth refuses to follow.

“Tell me.” His hand cups the back of my neck. It isn’t forceful, but it’s unyielding. His thumb presses at the base of my skull like he’s holding me together. “I need to hear it. Just once.”

Just once.

Just once so he’d know, fully, what he’s losing. Just once so he could have a taste of something he’s never before found.

It’s in me, clawing to get out. And I want to give it to him. I do.

But it would be selfish. It would only make what’s coming worse. It’d make it so much harder to leave.

It would haunt him in the dead of night for years to come, his obsessive thoughts spinning with ways out he didn’t take. All the outcomes he didn’t produce.

I know Sawyer. He will never accept that this is the only path. The only way.

And while I want to be selfish, I want to believe I’m the fullness to his empty heart, that I’m so much more than he’s ever had, that I’m the one soul who fits with his own…

I love him too much to be anything more than a necklace.

My hand touches my ring on impulse, the urge to live on with him tugging at my finger. But I still need it. I can’t even give him jewelry.

I press my lips together until they ache, then shake my head once.

“Luna…” His voice breaks on my name. His forehead dips toward mine, almost touching. “Please.”

The plea shatters me. But I can’t. I need him to let me go. I need him to be safe.

So I force the blade between us. “I told you,” I whisper, voice frayed but steady. “I’m not capable of love.”

He recoils like I’ve struck him. His hand drops away from my neck, his chest rising and falling fast.

The silence that follows is suffocating. It echoes in the high beams of the Keep and seeps into the stone walls. It feels like betrayal, and maybe it is. But it’s the only way I know how to protect him.

I step back before I lose my nerve. My boots click against concrete as I head for the stairs. Each step feels heavier than the last, but I manage. I head for the library, toward the secret room I swore I’d never enter again.

Sawyer’s pained face haunts me with every step.