Page 60 of The Divine Lies We Weave

Realization made her knees buckle, and Leela caught herself against the wall to hold herself steady.

The Viperess chuckled slowly and cunning.

Leela braced for the answer to her next question. If his emotions were tied to the sandstorms, then this had to do with her. “What are you saying?”

Rajesh sucked in a big breath. “Because I loved you and my heart broke, I created the lustisha.”

Flashes of the night tore through her vision, pulling her under and over in heavy waves. Nausea rolled in her gut, and Leela tried to control her breath. But it was too much. The information split her apart, breaking her mind into pieces.

He said he loved her…

Then he didn’t…

All because…

Oh…

“You told me you didn’t love me to push me away…” Leela said, breathless. She stared at the ground. “You told me you didn’t love me because you were worried the Scorpion would create a lustisha.”

Rajesh bowed his head. “I did try. I learned about it before I was meant to marry you. Mother and Father thought they’d have longer before the sickness killed him, but they were running out of time. They thought I’d have time with you, Leela. To love you and actually be with you. But… sickness is a cursed thing. I saw my mother and the heartache of losing a loved one. It ruined her, and I couldn’t let that be us.” He shook his head. “He died before I came to breakup with you. It was poor timing for the curse to pass onto me the moment I was enduring heartache.”

Leela didn’t miss the way his eyes glazed over. Her chest tightened. She knew she should be relieved he hadn’t said what he said to hurt her, not really. But to protect himself. To protect her. But did that mean she wasn’t hurt because of it?

“I… umm…” Leela pressed her fingers to her forehead to release the pounding headache. “I don’t understand. Because you were heartbroken, a lustisha was born?”

Rajesh nodded.

“And you tried to breakup with me before you could endure this heartache? Because you could birth a monster?”

“Before I birthed another monster because I already birthed one after my father passed. Which is why I came straight to you so I could try to stop another from escaping.”

“And you couldn’t tell me because….?”

“It’s our curse to bear,” Rajesh said. “I’m only telling you now because I’ve finally found a reason for why I want to find the artifacts again. I want to find the wish-fulfilling tree and free us of the Flames. The Scorpion has agreed to help train you.”

Hiiiiissssss.

Leela clenched her fists to keep the Viperess at bay, the heat riding her spine in flashes. “You mean so we can be together?”

Rajesh held her gaze. “I understand that won’t be the case entirely. I understand you might never forgive me, because I wouldn’t forgive me either.”

A single tear slid down Leela’s cheek. She didn’t wipe it away. Instead, she let it linger, felt the coolness brush her anger away. He was right. She couldn’t forgive him. She had spent the last six years resenting and hating the man. She wasn’t just about to forgive him because of his curse. She had to learn to heal, and healing took time.

And healing wasn’t about learning to trust him again. It was healing past the things that happened between them and learning to move beyond them. To accept that Rajesh had this curse and to love him despite it. If he could birth a lustisha, who was to say he wouldn’t do it again?

Rajesh stepped closer, his musk overwhelming her senses and drawing her focus to his gaze.

“I can’t ever love you, Leela. Because I won’t survive the heartache, and neither will the Scorpion. Neither will the world,” Rajesh whispered. “So even if you can learn to forgive me, know I can never love you. Not truly. Not without fear attached to it.”

“Isn’t that what love is?” Leela whispered. “The fear of losing the other. Knowing whatever time you have together is all you have before the inevitable end? Knowing love can conquer any hesitation or stamp out any fear?”

Her voice cracked at the last part, and she had to look away. She couldn’t look him in the eye without the memories flickering in her mind.

“This is bigger than us, Leela,” Rajesh choked out. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I had to do. But if I didn’t do it then, there could be bigger repercussions later.”

Leela sighed heavily. She wanted to tell him how badly she wanted to pull him in, to run her fingers through his hair. She wished she knew the last time she was with him was the last time. If she had known, maybe she would’ve kissed him a little longer or not let go at all.

But she did understand the consequences of their relationship. She understood that if he loved her and he lost her, then heartbreak would create more lustishas, and she couldn’t afford to be the cause of other people’s pain.