Page 116 of The Divine Lies We Weave

“I know what you want to say so say it. Because I can’t,” he said.

“I don’t know how to say it,” she said, voice croaking. “How can I say I love you without saying it? Without saying it and then possibly breaking your heart and bringing a lustisha into the world? Or now this? How do I love you without the fear of losing you all the same?”

Rajesh’s tongue flickered in thought over his bottom lip. “I know. But we⁠—”

Leela shook her head. “No. There is no we. Because if there is a ‘we’ it means there is an ‘us’ and I can’t let there be an ‘us’ if it means you’re still tied to the sandstorm.”

Rajesh flinched, a flash of anger crossing his features. “I am working on fixing the curse. You know that. If I can just⁠—”

“And what if it means losing you?”

Rajesh pondered the question with a beat of silence.

Leela couldn’t stop the warm tears leaking down her cheeks. She could wipe them away, but she couldn’t stand there, acknowledging her feelings for a man who had connections with the sandstorm.

He sucked in a breath. “What are you suggesting?”

She shuffled. She choked on the words, each with jagged claws and a pit of anxiety. Leela still didn’t trust the Viperess, not when the Flame harnessed a centuries-old feud.

She knew this was about something more than just them—it was about saving the world. “I can’t love you and you can’t love me. Because loving each other means we risk other people’s lives. I already lost my family because of me. Because of what we were.”

Rajesh flinched again.

Leela shut her eyes, unable to watch his reaction as she said what was on her mind. “It would be best if we weren’t anything at all. No Viperess and Scorpion. No Rajesh and Leela. Nothing. Just a painful memory. While there was a time when I loved you, I can’t now. I can’t risk our love causing any more pain, because what does that make us, but selfish?”

“Leela—”

“You know it’s for the best.”

Rajesh ground his jaw. “I do. Fuck, I do.”

Leela closed the distance. She wiped away a tear hanging on the tip of his chin and locked eyes. It took everything inside her not to look away. “It hurts to let you go, but this is the right thing to do. Because losing you was the worst kind of pain, and I can’t do that again. Not to anyone. Not ever. I can’t be the reason people cry at night, and their bodies hold the trauma of losing their loved ones. It hurts to let go, but I know this is the right thing to do.” She rested her forehead against his. “I will still reach for you in the times of darkness, linger in the smell of your embrace, and even writhe with pleasure at the thought of your lips. But we can’t do this.”

Rajesh pulled back and held incredibly still. He stared off into the distance, jaw clenching and unclenching.

Rajesh finally zoned back in from whatever thought had gripped him and looked at her.

Her chest wrenched open as if someone ripped her ribcage and pried it apart. Leela knew it was that gaze that would haunt her dreams, the memories now blistering weapons of destruction.

“No.” Rajesh shook his head, a tear breaking free. “No, I can do this. I can find the tree and we will fix this.”

“What if I can’t?” Her voice wavered, and she hated it. “What if I mentally break or die, and then you break before you find this tree? I’m barely holding on some days. We can’t leave this to chance. I can’t.”

He reached for her arm, and she shuffled back, but he held on tight and squeezed. He sank to his knees, hair flopping over his eyes so she couldn’t detect the emotions whirling inside them. He grabbed onto her thighs, head pressed between her legs, and his fingernails dug into her skin with a desperate want. “Please… Don’t do this, Leela. Please. I beg. I never beg, but this… this, I beg. Look? I’m down on my knees. Begging. I can do this. I can save us.”

Leela wished the floor would open and swallow her whole. Anything was better than seeing him drown in his heartache. She saw it all. All the heartbreak, all the words he wanted to say, all the things he wished for them to accomplish.

It was in that moment that she knew she’d made the right decision.

“Please… Don’t…” she whispered.

Rajesh gazed up at her. “You keep me centered. You take all the pain away, and I wish I had seen it sooner. You take it all away and quiet my mind, enough for me to control him. I can control this new emotion. I know I can.”

“And that’s the issue,” Leela said, tears stinging her eyes. “You shouldn’t have to control your emotions. Not around me. Not around anyone. You live in tortured pain, and I am the reason for it.”

Gently, and as hard as it was, she pried her arm from his grip.

“I can’t,” she breathed. “Please, just… find the wish-fulfilling tree. But I can’t do this if it means endangering others.”