Page 93 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

As if we’d actually discussed doing this, Lisa offered her hand pleasantly. I expected her to say it was nice to meet him, but it wasn’t, and it wasn’t Lisa’s style to lie. “It was a beautiful service,” she said.

I watched the pastor’s jugular jump and he stared at Lisa, then me, then back at Lisa. He did not shake her hand, he did not thank her for the compliment. He nodded tersely at her, then turned to me. “Your grandmother would be so ashamed.”

“Whoa!” The word came out of my brother’s mouth nearly on top of Pastor’s. “That’s not okay.”

I gave Kevin a thankful smile, then turned it on Pastor Hardeman. “That just tells me that you didn’t know her very well.” I then took Lisa’s empty hand and made an about-face toward the buffet line.

“Damn,” Lisa whispered. “That exceeded my expectations.”

I grinned. “Impressive, wasn’t it.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. This isn’t the time or place for unpacking, and he isn’t worth it.”

Kevin caught up. “Shit, Sam. I’m so sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong. You did so much right. You drove me home from church more times than I can count when I couldn’t face Mom. You caused so much trouble I looked like an angel next to you. You snuck me copies of Playboy, Kevin.”

Kevin looked like he might break down for a second. “Aw. That was nothing.”

“That’s a good big brother,” Lisa said.

“Corrupting her.”

“Accepting her. Is that the rest of your tribe?”

Kevin closed his eyes for a split-second before turning around. Asher had been joined by Seth, Mary Margaret, Rebecca, and Rachel, and Missy had Jeremiah on her hip. “Yep, that’s them.”

We’d moved about three feet up in the line before Sally’s daughter came up to us. “I believe you’re Lisa,” she said loudly, sticking her hand out very obviously at us. “I’m Kendra and this is Bailey.”

“Good to meet you,” Lisa said, and shook her hand.

“He’s about to kill me.” Kendra nodded toward Bailey. “This is the first time he’s met family.”

“This is my first time, too,” Lisa said.

“I just wanted to say that I know that this church was really important to Aunt Helen, but that was a real dick move of Hardeman. Where are you guys living now?”

We talked through the line and for another half hour over lunch. We were joined by Sally and her son, whose name was Kaden. Sally showed us pictures of Kaden and his boyfriend from his school’s winter formal and Kaden blushed but looked pleased. We also talked about baking shows, the best soil to grow blueberries, and where never to buy a used car, so it wasn’t just a huge gayfest. After that, Lisa got into a heated game of I-Spy with Kevin’s kids, and I moved around the rest of the room, thanking people for coming, sharing short conversation with others I hadn’t spoken to prior to the service. The one person I did not see was my father.

That worried me. He always managed to find a corner to hide in during public events, but this was different. Something was wrong, and I had probably made things worse by not finding him an hour before. I searched the fellowship hall, then the hallway and the vestibule, and finally went back to Kevin.

He was sitting at a table with some of his childhood friends, bouncing Rachel on one knee and giving Jeremiah a bottle on the other. “Hey,” he said. “Where’s Lisa?”

“Um, I think she’s giving piggybacks now.”

“Oh Jesus, she doesn’t have to do that.”

“Remember I said that she actually likes kids?” I took a sleepy Jeremiah from him, draped his burp cloth over my shoulder, and started rubbing his back. “Have you seen Dad?”

Kevin thought about it. “No, not for a really long time. I can take the baby, really.”

“I’ve got him.” I got a huge belch out of Jeremiah and felt very smart for grabbing that burp cloth. “I just hate kids, not babies.”

The only thing that would have been better than a warm, sleepy baby cuddling into my neck was a dog, but they don’t allow them in church, so I took what I could get and moved through the building until I was back in the sanctuary. I could see my father sitting in the fifth row on the right side, just like always.

I took my time coming up the aisle, and stood at the end of the pew quietly. “Hey.”