Page 85 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

I didn’t want him showing up, either, but since she worked for him, I figured that would have to happen. Surely I could duck out to the cafeteria or something. “Not it,” I said. Kevin smiled.

Dad nodded. “I’ll do it.”

We sat in the room for a very long time, saying almost nothing. It was amazing how quiet my family was without Mom blathering constantly. I remembered going out fishing with Dad, just sitting in a silence that felt so nice. I remembered closing myself in my room constantly to avoid Mom. I remembered a lot of things.

Dad fell asleep with his head leaning back against the wall and started snoring. Kevin motioned me out into the hall. “He called you?”

“Yeah, like oh, Mom’s in a coma, you should probably come up.”

“He’s been that way all day. Like some people would be like okay this is where we are, but he’s—”

“Completely lacking the tiniest shred of emotion,” I agreed.

“That,” Kevin said. “I’d say it’s weird, but it’s really not. I don’t think he can process this.”

“Has Missy come with the kids?”

Kevin shook his head. “We didn’t think this was something they needed to see. Even the older ones.”

“Yeah. It’s fucking weird. It’s so fucking weird.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, the last time you saw her was…”

We stared at one another, playing chicken. I finally gave in to him. “That.”

“Had you spoken with her since?”

“Nope,” I said, “and yes, to answer your next question, I do feel like shit about it.”

“Oh, Sam.”

I shook my head. “Don’t. I don’t need to think about that. Have you spoken to a doctor?”

“I haven’t. There’s definitely substantial brain injury but the nurse told us they’re going to do an MRI in the morning.”

All three of us spent the rest of the night at the hospital. I nursed nasty-tasting coffee from down the hall black since I couldn’t find any creamer. Both Kevin and Dad slept a little, draped uncomfortably over poor excuses for furniture, and I eventually sat on the floor under the window and corrected tests. I wondered how Vera would get the ones she was proctoring to me. I wondered a lot of things.

1991

That Thursday afternoon, I had a dentist appointment, so I went to the church with Mom around twelve so we could leave from there. I’d barely settled in the corner with a book when Mom sighed. “I left my purse in the car. Do you want to go get it?”

I did not, but I took the keys from her and went out the business door, which was around the sanctuary from the parking lot. I had gotten Mom’s purse off the back seat and locked the car back up when Jackson Hardeman fell into step with me. “Good afternoon.”

“It was before I saw you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Please. You know you like me.”

“I do not.”

“Let’s go to the barn.”

“Never.” I followed the sidewalk in the direction of the door, but Jackson stepped in front of me. “I said let’s go to the barn.”

I didn’t want to be frightened. I didn’t want to remember everything he’d done to me. It was all I could think about. “And I said no.” I tried to duck past him, but he caught me by the arm.

I yanked it away from him. “Leave me the fuck alone.” It was the first time in my life that I’d dropped the f-bomb.

“Ooh, language.” Jackson grabbed me again and started dragging me through the lawn.