Page 68 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

“I was an only child and I always wanted brothers and sisters,” Missy explained.

“That’s a lot of brothers and sisters.”

I cleared my throat. Gerald turned back to me hurriedly, as if he’d been neglecting his duty. “I’m assuming you don’t want kids.”

He shrugged. “Oh…I don’t have anything against kids, I just don’t really want any. Do you?”

“Not really. My girlfriend teaches preschool so she says she gets that out of her system.”

Gerald looked as though he’d somehow managed to forget our horrific conversation at the wedding. “Oh. That’s funny.”

Or something. We ate in silence for a few more minutes, then my parents joined us. My mother gave me a much more natural smile than we’d been throwing around earlier. “Are you having a good time?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gerald said. “There are so many people here.”

I swore there were more than had RSVPed. I couldn’t believe that my parents knew that many people. Dad nodded. “It’s a good turnout.”

“Food’s pretty good, too,” Kevin said, accepting Jeremiah back from Missy and taking a drink. He looked up toward the buffet line as if to see if it would be appropriate to go get seconds. Then, the look on his face changed. “Hey, Sam, come with me for a second.”

I was about to ask what for, but he grabbed the diaper bag and looked pointedly at me as if he needed my help changing Jeremiah. I followed him toward the far side of the bar, where we weren’t readily visible. “What’s going on?”

“Jackson Hardeman is here.”

Ice prickled in my stomach. I’d known it was going to happen, but now that it actually had, I didn’t know what to do. “Where?”

“By the end of the buffet line with his dad.”

Pastor Hardeman was considering the basket of rolls, and Jackson was, indeed, standing next to him with a full plate of his own. I was immediately incensed that he wasn’t fat and bald. He actually had turned out to look more like his trophy mother than the pastor; it didn’t look like his beard was intended to cover jowls. His hair flopped over his forehead in the same way it had when we were kids. He was wearing a polo shirt and jeans, underdressed compared to everyone else in the room. Before I’d gotten his mother’s RSVP, I’d expected him to be in jail if not dead. Fight or flight kicked in. “I can’t do this. I’m leaving.”

“Sam. It’s going to be okay. Didn’t you know he was invited?”

“I knew, I just…” I understood that I needed to suck it up, but I didn’t want to. “I should have fucking gotten a restraining order.”

“Come on. You don’t need to go anywhere near him. I just thought you should know he was here. I didn’t want you to be broadsided.”

I agreed with that. “Thank you. I’m not trying to be childish.”

“No, no, I know he’s an ass and that you guys didn’t get along. Look, give him a second to sit down and we can slip back to the table. Don’t look at him during your speech.”

Oh for fuck’s sake, my speech. Now I really wanted to leave. I followed Kevin back through the room, hoping Jeremiah didn’t poop immediately after we sat down and ruin our alibi. Just in case, Kevin shrugged at Missy like the trip was uneventful.

“So.” I turned abruptly to Gerald, on a mission to distract myself. “Remind me of what you do for a living.”

Gerald jumped. “Oh. I’m a software engineer.”

“So forgive me for being ignorant, but what does that entail beyond engineering software?”

I’d asked for it. Gerald went on for the next forever about the minutia of his job and what he was currently developing. It was literally the most boring thing I’d ever heard, but he was more animated than I’d ever seen him. He was going on about AI when Mom touched my shoulder.

“I think now would be a good time for you to speak.”

Fuck me. I was hoping we’d be sucked into the core of the earth first. I smiled. “Sure.”

I was going to try to get people’s attention, but my mother started banging her fork against her water glass. I jumped up, feeling flushed and unprepared, and the room got eerily quiet.

“Thank you all for being here tonight,” I said. My voice sounded weird and I had trouble unfolding the paper from my purse. “I’m Sam Travis, Helen and John’s youngest…Well, only daughter.” There were indulgent titters, so I took a breath and continued. “It’s wonderful to see so many of you from so many different times in their lives.” I plowed on until I made the mistake of looking up from my paper. There, sitting just two tables over from us, was Jackson Hardeman. I supposed it made sense he was so close since his father was my mother’s boss, but it didn’t make things any better. My stomach churned, but with Kevin’s warning, I was able to make eye contact long enough for him to squirm.

“My mother, Helen, is, as many of you know, a native of Saulsbury. She is the daughter of Anthony Swanson, who worked in the coal mine, and his wife, Emma, a homemaker. She is the youngest of four sisters…Ava and Joyce were able to join us today. Hi, Ava and Joyce,” I said, waving a little. Ava stood up and Joyce gave a little wave back. “A lifelong member of First Presbyterian, she began working there as a nursery assistant when she was just thirteen years old. She moved on through several other positions and has been serving as the office manager for fifteen years. She sings in the choir, leads several bible study classes, and bowls with her team once a week.”