Page 59 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“Yes.” Maisie nods as she sniffs.

They leave the room carrying the heartbreak on their small shoulders. The silence fills me with regret and disappointment. Am I doing the right thing? This has to be the answer. This will help Kara heal. The words feel like lies as much as I want to believe them. I just hope that one day she’ll understand. I hope she’ll come back home to us soon. This house isn’t complete unless she’s here with Maisie and me. I miss my girl already, but she left long before she actually moved out.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Hey, Judy.” I open the door solemnly. “Come in.”

Judy stops in front of me, her gaze locking on mine. I know she has noted my red eyes, the proof of so many tears. “It’s going to be okay,” she says softly, surprising me as she pulls me into an embrace. A genuine hug. I hug her back, clinging to the comfort she offers as someone who shares the family’s heartbreak. For once, we are just two people carrying the same grief, trying to do right by a child who is lost.

I pull back to meet her eyes. “Please, take care of her.”

Judy’s hands still hold on to my upper arms. “With everything I have in me,” she replies, and for once I don’t doubt her. Her words sink in more deeply than she’ll ever realize.

“Let’s do this.” I draw in a breath that feels a little easier.

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, I motion for Judy to continue on. “You go alone. It’ll be good for you and Kara.”

Judy takes a quiet moment as if thinking. “Why don’t you let Maisie go with us? I’ll take them shopping and out to lunch. Then we can go back to my house and get Kara settled. It’ll help her to have some sense of home with Maisie being there. I can drop her home after dinner tonight.”

Oddly, I agree with what she says. I think it would help both the girls. “That’s a great idea.” I swallow, my throat tight. “Do you mind getting Maisie dressed? I’m sure she’s still in those adorable kitten pajamas.”

“Absolutely.” She nods, offering a smile. “I’ll make sure Kara says goodbye before we leave.”

“Thank you.” I turn toward the kitchen to clean up our largely untouched breakfast—anything to occupy my mind. As I’m finishing up, I hear footsteps pounding down the stairs. From the sound of the stampede, I know it’s Maisie leading the way. I wait for Judy’s reprimand, knowing this isn’t proper behavior in her book. But as Maisie leaps off the last step and runs to me, Judy doesn’t say a word.

“We’re going to the mall!” Maisie beams up at me, her face glowing. “Then Gigi said we can have lunch anywhere we want.”

I crouch down so we are at eye level. “That’s great, honey. You’re going to have so much fun.” I glance over her shoulder to see Judy and Kara approaching. Kara’s wheeling a suitcase while Judy carries a tote bag. My stomach swirls with discomfort.

“All set?” I ask, glancing between them.

“We are,” Judy replies for them both. “I can get Kara anything she needs before we get the rest of it next weekend.” She turns to Kara. “Right, darling?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Kara nods her head, never looking my way.

“I’ll have Maisie call you when we are on our way back with her,” Judy says, brushing a strand of hair from Kara’s face. Then, in that gentle but unmistakably expectant tone, she adds, “Kara?”

Kara finally looks up, just for a moment, then drops her gaze to the floor between us. “We’ll be back for my stuff Saturday morning,” she says quietly. “Bye.”

I know Judy made her speak to me. It hurts that she does these things out of fear of her, when all I want from her is to do them out of love and respect. She used to be that kid when my sister and Bill were alive. I’m hoping she can find herself again with Judy. “I hope you and Judy have a great time together.” My words fall flat even though I do mean them.

“That’s the plan.” Judy leans in to give Kara a side hug. Kara gives her a fake smile. I try not to let it affect me. At least she let Judy hug her. I haven’t gotten one of those from her since before the funeral.

“Ready?” I grab Maisie and shower her cheeks with kisses while hugging her from behind.

She giggles loudly. “Yes.” She squirms from my grip. “Let’s go, Gigi.” Maisie grabs her hand, urging her forward.

“We’d better go.” Judy laughs. And it makes me happy that she’s actually enthused with Maisie’s excitement instead of annoyed. Maybe she has learned some hard lessons.

“Have fun, you two.” I walk them down the hall. As they exit the door, I wave. “I love you, girls,” I call out. Maisie turns to yell it back. Kara ignores me.

The house feels empty. The solitude of my apartment used to soothe me. It was my quiet haven where I could let the noise of the world fade. But after living with kids, I find it lonely when they’re gone. Who would have ever thought that I’d feel this way? Visiting Annie used to be something I looked forward to. I’d enjoy my time with her family, then I’d return home to sink into the silence to let my mind rest and regroup. But now, I understand why people have a hard time when their kids grow up and head out on their own. The silence that once healed me now echoes with emptiness.

Still, I know my next move, so the absence of the girls can hit me later. I gather my belongings and drive over to Sam’s. I don’t tell her I’m coming. I hope she’s home and alone. These days, it isn’t really the norm to do such a thing, but I’d rather avoid questions until we’re face-to-face. Text messages have a way of being impersonal. I don’t want to add any complication into the mix today.

As I park in the driveway, I settle my nerves with a few deep breaths before walking to her door. I rock side to side as I ring the doorbell and wait. My eyes accidentally glance toward the camera and I immediately avert them. I hear footsteps before the rattling to unlock the door. The fast thumping of my heart annoys me as I stand here stiffly in anticipation of seeing her.

“Hi.” Sam beams. “I didn’t expect to see you. Come in.” She gestures me forward. She looks effortlessly beautiful with her hair twisted into a loose bun. She’s wearing yoga capris and a soft-blue long-sleeved shirt. There’s a glow about her, the kind that comes from a morning spent in motion.