Page 48 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“This one’s for Annie.” I look at the girls. It was her favorite dessert here. I pull out a lighter and a candle, place it in the brownie, then light it. “Let’s close our eyes and each make a wish.” Maisie does, but Kara sits there staring. “Please, Kara,” I beg. She gives in and closes her eyes, but her scowl remains. I close my eyes for a moment as well. “Okay, let’s blow the candle in three, two, one.” We all blow at the same time.

I feel Sam’s eyes on us. When I look over, she doesn’t look away. I push the desserts in front of the girls. “I hope you wished for something wonderful.”

Maisie dips her spoon into her ice cream and takes a small bite. “I wished for one more hug from Mommy and Daddy.”

“That’s a great wish, my sweet girl.” I look at Kara, but she keeps herself occupied with taking small bites of brownie and ice cream. It’s like she doesn’t want to eat it, but it’s too irresistible to pass up. I know firsthand this is her favorite dessert as well.

The weight of the day settles heavy in my stomach. First, the Memorial Park, then our birthday dinner and now Sam is on a date with my ex. Dessert won’t take that sting away.

“Are you going to eat your ice cream?” Maisie eyes my plate.

“You know,” I say, resting my elbow on the table and propping my chin on my hand. “I’m just so full right now. Do you want it?”

She nods her head vigorously in excitement. “Yes, please!”

I slide the whole thing over to her. “Do you want the other one, Kara?”

“No, thanks.” She doesn’t look up.

When the server passes by, I ask for the check. I keep my gaze averted from the front of the room to preserve my already damaged heart. I’m not sure if that’ll do it—my mind is running wild with thoughts of them together. How did they meet? Is this their first date? Have they kissed, or even worse?

I wonder if Steven knows, and if so, why didn’t he tell me. It’s only been a week. A heads-up would have been appreciated. It didn’t take Sam long to snag another woman. Seems like I was a notch in her belt on this new journey of hers.

The girls finish eating, and I pay the check. Now comes the dreaded part—walking past Sam and Ginger. I was hoping they’d eat quickly and then leave before us. A woman can hope, can’t she? Instead, we have to make the trek toward them. When we get close, Maisie runs up to Sam to give her a hug. Kara does the same. I have no choice but to walk over now. I can’t hang back and look like she got the best of me. I stop nearby, but not too close.

“Did you enjoy your dinner?” Sam asks the girls.

“We did,” Kara answers as she steps back from her hug.

“It’s Mommy’s birthday,” Maisie adds. “We went to see her and Daddy’s trees, and I wrote her a letter, took her flowers, and then we all wished her a happy birthday.”

“That’s so nice, honey.” Sam glances at me. “I know she would have loved that.”

Ginger looks at Sam, then me. “I didn’t know you two knew each other until Sam filled me in.”

“Small world, huh?” I take Maisie by the shoulders, backing her up against me. She looks up at me as I look down on her. “We should get going and let them finish their dinner.” I stick my tongue out at her playfully. She giggles. “Hope it’s a great night for you two,” I say to Ginger and Sam. I give the best fake smile that I believe I’ve ever given in my life. I pretend that everything is okay, and that I don’t give two shits about them, though my insides are twisted in knots.

The girls walk ahead of me and out the door. I busy my eyes anywhere but on them as we pass by. Who would have thought that this would happen? Can the universe be any crueler? I surely hope not.

Chapter Seventeen

I haven’t had a good jog in a while. My mind has been preoccupied with a beautiful brunette. Now that it’s over with her, my mind runs free. Not free as in clear, but all over the place with no clear path and wild as hell.

I slip into my running shoes and walk into the morning air. It feels refreshing. The girls are still asleep. Maisie’s in my bed again. This is the second night in a row. She had a tummyache the night before. Not only did she have two desserts and ice cream, but after we got home, we watched a movie, had popcorn, chips, and soda. I let her have what she wanted because fuck it, it was her mom’s birthday, and Annie wasn’t here. I wanted to have her comfort food. Now I can admit that it wasn’t the best idea. After cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night and treating a sick kid, I’ve learned my lesson.

With the door locked behind me, I put some music on through my earbuds and start the workout time on my watch. My pace is slow at first, then I pick up speed as I get in the groove.

The sun barely breaks the edge of the sky. I love this time of day. It’s quiet, beautiful, and it belongs to me. Well, me and the few other runners brave enough to chase the dawn on a Monday morning.

I haven’t been sleeping well. The thought of Sam and Ginger hanging out after dinner bothered me. Every time I closed my eyes, Sam was there, slipping into my dreams the way she used to. It used to feel like a gift to see her like that. But not anymore. Not when she’s kissing my ex.

To make matters worse, on the car ride home, Maisie asked me why Sam was with that other woman instead of me. She wanted to know if she still liked me, if she was mad at me, and a few other questions that I couldn’t answer. I mean, the girls saw us at the carnival, and they both know I like women. Annie and I have always been honest with them. I just never expected the girls to notice, to be honest. I’ve never brought a woman around them before. Not for any reason other than I didn’t feel a connection with anyone enough to do so. Everything just felt natural with Sam. I thought we were on the same page. Little did I know.

My lungs tighten as I increase my pace. As I remember the way Sam turned to look at Ginger as they entered the restaurant, I push harder. That same smile she gave me recently. The one that made me feel like it was meant for only me. How wrong was I?

I pick up more speed midway through my run as images of Sam and Ginger being intimate dance through my mind. Now I’m pissed off. That feels way better than letting her hurt me. Anger is easier. How dare she toss me aside like a piece of trash? She kissed me first. She approached me for sex. This isn’t what I deserve for letting my guard down and trusting her.

“Left!” I breathe out sharply as I approach other runners in my way. My heart pounds, each beat jolting through my chest. My legs are heavy with exhaustion. I don’t think they hear me because I have to cut into the grass to get around them. When I get closer to the house, I see that damn red car again. It’s parked in front. I take off running as fast as my tired legs carry me.