Page 44 of Dreaming Without Heartache

I touch my glass to his. “That’s great news. What a relief.” I take a sip of my drink and stare off into the beautiful sky, deciding that I need my best friend’s advice. “I don’t know what’s going on with Sam,” I confess.

“I know when something is going on with you.” Steven crosses his legs. “Listen, don’t be mad at me, but—”

“That’s not a good start to any sentence,” I interrupt.

“It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” He shrugs.

“To be determined.”

“Fair. But you know I have your best interest at heart.”

I tilt my head back toward the sky and take a deep breath. “What do I need to forgive you for?”

“I had a feeling something was up between you and Sam, so I asked Luke if he knew anything.”

I take a large gulp of my wine. “And?”

“He said Sam mentioned that maybe you two jumped into things too fast. She felt like she needed to take a step back.” He leans forward to touch my knee. “She just might have been spooked by how much she cares for you.”

“Yeah...” I finish the last of what’s left in my glass.

Steven stands and takes it. “I got it.” He disappears into the house. Maybe to give me time to process the news.

I have to say this stings a lot. I knew I cared for Sam more than I realized, but this feels plain awful. I don’t know how much more my heart can take. I was good at not letting women hurt me. But then came Sam at my lowest point and made my life better in so many ways. She became a friend first. The best kind of lover.

“Here you go.” Steven hands me another pour, then sits down next to me. “If she can’t see the value in you, then fuck her.”

“Don’t say that.” I meet his gaze with quiet resolve. “She’s a good person. Just because I’m not the right one for her doesn’t make her bad.”

“I know.” He sighs. “I do love me some Sam. I just don’t like that she’s hurt you.”

“Hey, I’ll be okay. I always am.” I give a playful wink in hopes to lighten the mood. “We can all be friends.”

“As long as she doesn’t take my place.” Steven gives me the side eye, trying to get a smile from me.

I do oblige him. “No one can take your place, boo.” I love his heart. “How are you and Luke?”

Steven leans back in his chair, a wide grin appearing instantly. “It’s pretty damn great.” I can tell it’s more than great.

“Has my best friend fallen in love?” I wait for him to deny it because I’ve never known him to be in love with anyone.

“I don’t know. He’s better than anyone I’ve ever met. Patient and kind. He’s not pushy and tolerates my humor. He loves to cuddle on the couch or go out to dinner when I’m in that spontaneous mood of trying something new.”

“Well, shit! You better put a ring on it.” I laugh. “Seriously though. That sounds pretty damn special.”

Steven sighs. “It really is. I want to be around him all the time. You know that’s not like me.”

He’s right. It isn’t like him. “It’s okay to let yourself embrace love. Just let it happen and enjoy the experience. I know you’re scared of being hurt, but if you don’t let the right one in, you could miss out on the greatest love you’ve ever known. And you are the most deserving man I know.”

A comfortable silence falls upon us. I can tell Steven’s taking in what I said and moving them around in his mind. I have no doubt that he’s in love with Luke. Steven’s guarded when it comes to his heart with men. He’s been the playboy type, but it’s all a front. He was hurt really badly once, and it scarred him. I know deep down he just wants to be loved as much as he loves. In this world, it isn’t easy to trust people. Dating isn’t easy. Small talk is hard. Love is taken freely but not given equally. But this feels different. I don’t know Luke, but from what I’ve seen, he seems genuine. Kind.

“You seem to know the right words to say when I need to hear them.” Steven stands and pulls me to my feet for a hug. “I needed this. Thank you for being you.”

“Don’t let happiness pass you by. Luke is a good one.”

Steven sighs. “He is.”

I kiss his cheek. “Are you hungry?” I don’t have much of an appetite, but all of the love talk is getting to me.